Category — Friday Blog Roundup

For all of my worrying about my blood work at the general practitioner, it turned out to be fine.  I’m not diabetic, my cholesterol is nice and low, and she didn’t even lecture me much about my weight/lack of exercise because by the time I saw her, I was eating better and exercising.  I’m doing yoga 3 – 4 times per week and running 1 or 2 times per week (depending on whether I go to yoga).  I’m eating well.  I’ve lost 7 pounds in the last three weeks.

Which is why the diagnosis of my mushy bones came out of left field.

Just for shits and giggles, my general practitioner looked at my vitamin D levels and found that they were drastically low.  As in, there is a cut-off that is labeled “severe” and I am still 15 notches down from that.  For some reason, I both find this hysterically funny and in laughing about it, feel suddenly weak, as if my bones can’t hold up the weight of my body once I introduce laughter.

I mean, I literally can’t stop laughing about it.

In writing this, I’ve had to pause several times to catch my breath.  Even though there is nothing funny about a vitamin deficiency.

*******

I know that House is now going off the air, but Josh and I just started watching the first season on DVD.  We are late bloomers with television shows; so late that the show is usually not producing any more episodes apparently by the time we get to it.  I love this show mostly because Dr. House is such a dick while still being likeable.  That’s a hard line to walk.

I’m not even sure why I am telling you this except that my mushy bones just reminded me of our new nightly ritual of House episodes.  We plan on going through all the seasons.  If you tell me your favourite episode, I can bother Josh by starting those episodes with “So-and-so from Blog X says that this is the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest episode.”  Beyond that, since we have the semi-completed television series unfolding before us, which was the best season?

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Insulate, Ignore, Protect, and Proceed: How I’ve Gotten Through IVF With My Sanity (Mostly) Intact” (Grit and Patience)
• “Time Warp Tuesday: What I Craved” (Write Mind Open Heart)
• “February” (Getting There)
• “Sperm and the Art of Personhood” (Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed)
• “Coming Apart at the Seams” (Scrambled Eggs)
• “Smoke and Mirrors” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “I’m Not a Survivor Yet” (Nuts in May)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Write Mind Open Heart (beyond opening up the Limerick Chick Contest!  Will this be my year?) has a post about how she turned a frustration with another person into a learning experience.  She writes: “Even though this woman was on the periphery of my life, I was giving the conflict with her way more prominence than it merited.”  I do this so often and the post resonated with me, as well as her advice never to lower your own personal standards.  Great life lesson.

Justkeeptrying1 has a post about life’s punches to the stomach.  She writes, “The hard times to deal with are when the grief – because I guess that’s what it is- sneaks up on you unexpectedly. I have been reduced to tears in a greeting card shop of all places. Why? Because I suddenly noticed that the cards are set out in the order you’re expected to need them.”  But it’s the final image in the post that is the punch in the stomach for the reader.  Gorgeous writing.

Writing for Life has a heartbreaking post this week about her son’s diagnosis and the subsequent decision that needed to be made.  She writes, “All of a sudden I heard a soft whisper from deep inside that said ‘you need to let him go’. I was shocked, in the middle of a deep emotional crisis. I didn’t listen, I didn’t want to hear because I wasn’t ready.”  A warning, you will cry reading this post about a mother’s love.

Lastly, It Is What It Is (or Is It?) has a post on that moment when you suspect the cycle didn’t work.  We all know our bodies so well that we can feel every change, no matter how small.  And yet, just as often, we read posts where the person is certain that it did or didn’t work, and the opposite turns out to be true.  And yet sometimes, somehow we know.  Is it the heart’s way of protecting us?  And how do we know when what we feel in our bones is true?  And when it is just smoke and mirrors?

The roundup to the Roundup: I have mushy bones. Which episodes of House should we be looking out for and which was your favourite season of the show?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 10th and February 17th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Interesting lesson learned at yoga class — in two of my classes this week, we practiced pranayama, which is breathing in and out of alternating nostrils (I know, the description sounds sexy).  You close your left nostril, breathe out your right nostril, breathe in your right nostril, close your right nostril, and then breathe out your left nostril, so on and so on.

The first time we did it, the teacher commented that at every point in the day, one nostril is clearer than the other.  I can wait a moment — check it out.  Which one is stuffier for you right now?  For me, at the time of writing this, my right nostril is more open.  Our nostrils are on an hour and a half cycle, switching stuffiness throughout the day.  At least I think it’s one and a half hours.  At the moment she was telling us this information, I was turned around to make an orgasm joke to my friend behind me, so I may have misheard her.  Though I have no regrets — the orgasm joke was pretty damn funny in the moment.

She told us that there are certain activities that are better to do when your right nostril is open vs. your left.  For instance, eating is perfect when your right nostril is open because it aids in digestion.  And creative thought is better when your left nostril is open.  Hence why this post is going to suck since I’m right-nostrilly at the moment.

Since I have heard this information, I have been (1) acutely aware of which nostril is more open and (2) also aware that I rarely do the correct activity at the correct time.  I was cursing myself during yoga class for being on the mat when my left nostril was open and I should have been writing.  And then my left nostril opened right when it was time to eat breakfast.  Now that I’ve told you, you will probably be cursed with these same thoughts.

You’re welcome.

*******

I learned two new terms on Thursday, and I need you to teach me one more so I can have the completion of three (because don’t we all learn things in threes?  No?  Am I the only one with this particular neuroses?)  The first also came during a new yoga class.  The teacher was greeting me since I had never been in her class before.  As I was saying hello, I had a big yawn, and when she asked me how I was, I replied, “tired.”

“Oh,” she said, in this totally normal tone of voice.  “Are you a dirty stayout?”

I had to ask her to repeat the term since this yoga teacher could not have called me a dirty stayout, but indeed, I heard correctly.  I needed this explained — a dirty stayout is someone who parties all night, comes home to sleep for an hour or two, and then goes into their day.  Unless you call one berry cosmopolitan consumed around 10 pm a dirty stayout, I was not eligible for this moniker, but I loved it enough that I quickly jotted it down before the class started.

After class, I ran to the grocery store on my way home.  I was chatting with the cashier (who told me that it totally looked as if I had lost weight.  I love living in a small town where you know the backstories of the cashiers and the cashiers know your backstories) and she said to another employee, “Dave is out looking for dead heads.”

Again, I thought I might have misheard, so I asked what dead heads were.  They are the insider’s term for merchandise that customers pick up in one part of the store and ditch in another instead of walking it back to its proper place.  For instance, when I went to grab a carton of butter (my mind immediately going to the poor butter-less Norwegians — I will never be able to look at a carton of butter again), there were a bunch of Amazon gift cards that someone had left in the refrigerated section rather than take back to the gift card rack.  It’s someone’s job at the food store to go “deadheading” — walking up and down the aisles and returning everything to its proper place.

So now I know dirty stayout and dead head.  Teach me one more term I may not know.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Backward” (Just Being)
• “It Happened Again” (Simply Not Conceivable) *read the next three posts in this order
• “She Has No Children.  She Has Nothing” (No Kidding in NZ)
• “She’s Not a Mother.  She Has Nothing” (Real Life & Thereafter)
• “The Saddest Chapstick Story You Will Ever Read” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you!
• “Woman vs. Woman” (From IF to When)
• “When You Are Not a Viking, What Do You Do?” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
• “Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow” (The Smartness)
• “The State of the Uterus” (Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed)
• “Validation” (MoJo Working)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Something Out of Nothing has a post about her neurotic behaviour.  She admits, “I obsess over Hubby’s fertility treatments, about next steps, about my own fertility or lack thereof (not that I have done anything about this, as I’m too worried there might actually be something wrong), about the money it will take to get there, about what we’ll do if it doesn’t work, or if it works too well and we end up with twins.  These thoughts never leave me.  While I’m working, while I’m falling asleep, while I’m watching TV, driving, eating, breathing.”  But moreover, she writes about how blogging plays into that equation.  It’s a really good read.

Life’s Little Reflections has a post about how being part of the ALI blogosphere has influenced her thoughts now as a mother, namely, her fears.  She worries about her son if he ever sleeps beyond a certain time and asks if the thoughts she has are normal.  She writes, “I’ve never had a child die – that I could see as an explanation of why I worry about this. Yes, one of the dangers inherent in being involved in the AIL blogosphere is knowing that shit happens. That children die in all stages, for any number of reasons.”  It’s that realization that the most important things are out of your control, and the fear that accompanies that.

Too Many Fish to Fry has a new post up in her Faces of Adoption/Loss/Infertility series featuring a blogger with a run-of-the-mill adoption story.  The point to this series is to provide balance to the mainstream media’s coverage of infertility issues.  Instead of focusing on the Nadya Sulemans, she’s presenting the common woman experiencing infertility — how she feels and what she does.  I would really love to see this series exit our community and reach the mainstream — perhaps hitting some of those people who read the New York Times and have their understanding of infertility shaped from those articles.  Anything you can do to help spread word: Tweet it, Facebook it, Stumble it, Google+ it, Pin it, blog about it, send it to your mother.  Just help get these posts out there.

Lastly, IF Crossroads has a post about the exhausted place she finds herself in from being her own advocate for way too long.  A therapy session brings her to a realization of how long she has had to take care of herself and others.  She states, “There are days when I don’t want to get up out of bed. I’m so tired. So tired of fighting. So tired of making decisions. So tired of worrying if I’m going to let someone down in the process.  I’ve lost myself along the way. I don’t even know what makes ME happy anymore because I’m so focused on everyone and everything else in life.”  No deep reason for why this post spoke to me beyond the fact that she made me wish I could reach my arms through the screen and hug her.

The roundup to the Roundup: Which nostril is stuffier?  Please teach me a new term.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 3rd and February 10th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Can you tell that I was bothered by the Susan G Komen/Planned Parenthood defunding debacle this week?

*******

Last Friday, instead of getting work accomplished, I spent most of the day cleaning up my sidebar.  There were just a lot of… words.  Now there are more pictures.  There are little icons for places where I’ve always been such as Facebook or Twitter.  And there are new ones such as Pinterest (looky — I made a page for Life from Scratch).  Plus, there is a brand spanking new email list you can add yourself to (it’s the orange book icon) if you want to be informed when the sequel and future books (because yes, I have outlines for three more Rachel Goldman book) are coming out.

It’s nice and neat now, and I like the less-cluttered look.

*******

I started yoga this week, and I wish I could tell you that it has changed my life and brought me tons of inner peace, but I’m finding that I’m really not the yoga sort.  At the same time, I have already purchased the mat and paid for the classes, so I will be doing yoga since I am the practical sort.

The first day I went, I ate a yogurt and drank a cup of coffee beforehand.  The website told me not to, but I knew I needed my energy.  About three minutes into the 75-minute “continuous flow” yoga class (which is just a fancy way of saying that you never stop moving, holding each pose for only one breath.  Or, in my case, one gasp), as I was hanging in downward-facing dog, I realized that I wanted to vomit.  The yogurt and coffee were fighting their way into my throat, burning a hole in their path.  I went home fairly miserable for the rest of the day, leaving myself a reminder to go on an empty stomach next time.

The second class was more my speed (meaning, we paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaused for a loooooooooooooooooong tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime) and I wasn’t internally fighting with a container of Greek yogurt, but it still didn’t grab me in the way that running does.  My third class was attended with a friend of mine, so I spent most of the time trying not to laugh as our classmates got themselves into impressive positions while we fudged it.  And then we went out for a beer, which sort of negated the whole yoga thing but was the thought that kept me in the class for the full 75 minutes.

Perhaps yoga will grow on me; I’m not ruling that out.  And even if it doesn’t, I’m going to keep doing it for the time being.  Plus, I’ve lost 6 pounds so far by changing my eating habits and adding in yoga.  Pretty damn good progress.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady Asks How We Define Womanhood” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you!
• “Thin Ice” (Kmina’s Blog)
• “Guilt” (Seriously?!)
• “The Toddler Inside” (Better Full Than Empty)

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Kir Corner has a post titled “Because It Wasn’t Enough” (fine, it was from last Thursday, but I didn’t read it until Friday night) about how she feels about working while parenting after infertility.  It’s not only an interesting post; it’s an interesting discussion in the comment section (and you should jump in too).  The part I love is what she will tell her children: “Because even though I wanted you with every ounce of my being, even though I struggled and beat the odds to even get pregnant with you, even though just the sight of you makes me struggle for breath because you are mine forever and always… motherhood wasn’t enough. I needed something for myself, just like every other mommy I know.”  Go over and read the post in full.

MoJo Working has a very honest post this week about the problem with infertility blogs, namely, the fact that they often change direction.  She admits: “Whatever the reason, I am finding myself deleting more and more of my familiar blogs from my reader, and seeking out new ones.”  I liked it because she said what I suspect a lot of people think, and because the post challenged me to consider a different point of view.

Mission: Fertile Soul has a post about feeling strange about feeling okay.  That she isn’t upset, and this is what feels weird and new.  She explains: “But, it’s almost as if I’m looking at my particular IF journey as an observer and not the person experiencing it.  There’s no more intense sadness, or guilt, or anger, or frustration.  I’ve gotten teary, because I want to hug that part of myself that experienced all of that crap and ended up stronger and with a bigger zest for life on the other side (even without currently having a baby or being pregnant).  I don’t feel wounded or scarred.”  It’s a post that proves the idea that children resolve childlessness, but they don’t resolve infertility.  That is something every person must do on their own.

Lastly, Magpie Musing has a post about loving her daughter and how she marries that with the grief she felt over all the cycles which didn’t result in a child.  The whole post is fantastic, but I love this thought: “Can you grieve that, a procedure that didn’t work?  Most attempts at pregnancy don’t work; lots of fertilizations the “normal” way end up in early miscarriage, so early that the woman doesn’t even know she was pregnant. So, yes, I was sad that it didn’t work, with all those dollars down the tube to boot, but that’s not really grief, is it?”

The roundup to the Roundup: Obviously bothered by the defunding of Planned Parenthood.  Check out my new icons (and sign up for the book news email list if you want to know when the next book will be released).  I started yoga, and I can’t say that I love it.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 27th and February 3rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Updated with name of app (see below)

I have been putting off going to see my general practitioner for a yearly checkup because I’m afraid of what she’ll say about my eating habits/lack of exercise.  I’ve stopped running for the time being while I’m trying to finish a manuscript, and I’ve always eaten like crap.  Josh has pointed out that these problems still exist whether or not I see the doctor, so I might as well put on my big girl panties and go for my annual physical.  He has also pointed out that her word isn’t G-d; she is there to make suggestions, but it’s up to me to make decisions about my overall health.  Through a strange turn of events, I ended up on the phone with her nurse, and while I was talking to her, I made an appointment.

Then I promptly freaked out.

I cannot add exercise back into my life at the moment and keep my sanity because there is nothing else I can give up, timewise.  Which left my eating habits.  So in one day, with the help of my friend, C, who is doing this with me (and I seriously could never have gotten started if I wasn’t IMing with her non-stop throughout the day every day about every morsel of food passing between our lips), we have overhauled the entire way we eat.  I downloaded an app that tracks what I’m consuming and the nutritional value of those items, and I only eat what is in my food budget for the day.  I am such a numbers person so this is perfect for me.  I see what I have to spend, I see what I need to buy, and I try to ensure that I have some room for savings.  I am eating no processed foods with the exception of Kashi granola bars (I did a comparison of all granola and powerbars based on protein, fiber, sugar, and cost, and Kashi came out as the best option).

I am already obsessed with this app: keeping it neat, filling it out, trying out different food combinations to make the best nutritional plan for the day.  I am very proud that I have started this on a week when I have a cold and my period.  There, I’m going to say it completely immodestly — I am so damn proud of myself for changing the way I’ve eaten for the last 10 years.  For not giving in to the siren song of Yogiberry and choosing to reward ourselves with Legos instead of food.  That it isn’t even about weight loss (well, yes, it is, but you know what I mean) — I feel healthier.  I go through my day feeling better.  I feel like I’ve accomplished something huge.

And now I have a question, and I’m sure someone knows the answer: I am going over in the sugar category, but almost all the sugars I’m eating are coming from fruits and vegetables.  For instance, I went over 20 grams of sugar yesterday, but the culprits were blueberries and a sweet potato (okay, and a yogurt, but I have to finish these Wallaby yogurts before I switch to the lower sugar Greek yogurt AND I can’t give up the yogurt because it’s my breakfast protein).  At the same time, I’m way under my carb limit.  And my fat limit.  How bad are sugars?  Should I be limiting my fruit intake in order to get under that sugar limit?  Or should I only be concerned about sugar if we’re talking refined sugars, baked goods, candy?

App: The one I’m using is MyFitnessPal.  It operates a lot like the Weight Watchers app, except it’s free.  Plus, you can access it online, on your blackberry, your iPhone, iPad, etc.  And it has that cool scanner function.

*******

Speaking of food, I was obviously amused by this:

Even though I wish I could edit it (the repetition wasn’t necessary).  Plus, people don’t say, “passing on the left” as much as they either say, “stand right!” or stand behind you on the escalator sighing very loudly.  But the best part of this is what I finally learned the name mumbo sauce, something I’ve eaten my whole life that I didn’t know (1) was a DC thing though in retrospect, I can only think of one place I’ve seen it outside of the DC area and (2) had a name.  I’ve always referred to it as “the red stuff.”  When I heard “fries with mumbo sauce,” I Googled it, realized that the sauce had a name, and then said, “I never thought to put that on fries.  Damn, that would be good.”  I am a Marylander at heart, so my fries are always smothered in Old Bay.  Not that I’m eating French fries anymore.  Since, you know… the whole change in eating thing.  So I’ve learned the name mumbo sauce too late since I won’t be partaking in any of the foods that go with mumbo sauce for a long while.  Or the mumbo sauce itself since I’ve always suspected that it can’t be very good for you.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Even Here?” (Mrs. Spit… Still Spouting Off)
• “The First Rule of Mommyblogging…” (Crib Chronicles)
• “Forward” (Crib Chronicles)
• “The IVF 2WW Survival Guide” (My Path to Insanity & Beyond)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I loved From IF to When’s post about politics and your body.  Seriously, how can you not stand up and cheer when you read: “There is never shortage of debate about how and what women should do with their bodies. Yet, the argument for equality in women’s healthcare compared to men, or in women’s healthcare compared to other women (e.g. infertility coverage) is minimal. Politicians would rather tell me what I can and cannot do with my own body than give me equal access to medical services.”  The post is a great rallying cry, especially with an election coming up.

My Lazy Ovaries has a very honest, powerful post about choosing between donor eggs and living child-free.  They are both of two minds about the decision and she admits: “Sometimes I feel like I’m focusing on the crappy parts of parenthood, just so I can convince myself it’s OK not to want it, to make it hurt less to not have it.”  But this is the part that really floored me: “But this is what infertility does to you. It makes you question every little thing in much greater detail than you ever have before, in a constantly repeating loop.”  The questions she asks can only be answered by Slackie O and her husband, but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t read the whole post and ask yourself the questions too.

IF Crossroads has a post about the future.  I loved the opening of this post because I too spend an inordinate amount of time thinking ahead, planning things, wanting to know “what’s next.”  Or maybe I loved it because I am also in a state of organizing and cleaning at the moment because it makes me feel as if I’m being proactive, as if I have control over my world.

Lastly, Bionic Mamas has a confessional post about reading birth stories, and how she feels when she reads about another person’s experience.  I’ve read a lot of posts explaining why a person feels emotional reading about someone’s success when they’re still in the trenches, but I feel like I’ve rarely encountered the ones where we admit that it’s hard to read breastfeeding posts if you can’t breastfeed, or read about a full term birth if you have a preemie, or whatever your trigger or longing may happen to be.  It’s just an honest post.

The roundup to the Roundup: I have changed the entire way I eat.  Please answer my question on sugar, carbs, and fat.  I learned the name mumbo sauce.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 20th and January 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

This is how we ended up with the Lego Robotics set within 12 hours of swearing that we would not purchase a Lego Robotics set.

1. The twins fell in love with the Lego WeDo Education set at their after school robotics class.
2. I told them I’d look up the cost of the product online.
3. I nearly fell off the bed when I saw the cost and explained that we would not be purchasing the parts and software for use at home.
4. Talked on the phone with my brother-in-law about how it would be insane to lay out the money for a robotics set.  Unless… of course… my niece might use it down the road… but no… it really is insane.
5. Told Josh that we should think about getting them the product a few weeks from now if they’re still this geeked out about it.  Maybe we could find a used set.
6. Lie in bed and think about how my daughter couldn’t really assert herself and get enough hands-on time in the class because there are only 3 girls and she is two years younger than the other girls and it’s hard to interact with older girls when you’re that young.
7. Start imagining two roads, one in which my daughter is the world’s saviour in the Robot Apocalypse all because she got a head start on making robots back when she was in first grade, and another where she is at the mercy of the robots all because we didn’t give her the tools back when she was excited to learn.
8. Dream about the damn robot set.
9. Wake up and spend the entire time in the shower going through various reasons for why the robotic set will help the twins.  Some schools use this set in their gifted and talented math or science classes.  The twins really love doing computer programming, and this is a natural extension of that.  The ChickieNob was so geeked out excited by the Lego program, and she really excelled at understanding how the robot worked even though she was having trouble getting actual hands-on time with the project.  They both fell in love with gears and spent breakfast talking about various things one can do with gears.  If their teacher is game, I can bring it to their school and work with small groups to teach the kids in their grade robotics during recess so every kid gets a fair shot.  I can have their friends come over and geek out together over this — especially the ones who didn’t get in the robotics class.  I can pass along this set to another child when we move onto the next level so it will continue to be loved.
10. Go downstairs and sit Josh down on the sofa.  Outline all the reasons why I think we should get this now.
11. Josh understands that I have now spent 12 hours obsessing over this and agrees that the price is worth it both to educate the children and to stop me from worrying about this.
12. Order Lego robotics set and then obsessively write about it in the Roundup.

Josh says that the tone I use when discussing the wasting of time, money, or resources is akin to the way people discuss murder.  I really don’t like squandering things: tangible or intangible.

This purchase came at the crossroads of wasting opportunity (not educating our kids when they are obviously so geeked out about this — it almost feels like we’re driving out their potential by not embracing it) and wasting money (holy crap, those Lego robot kits are expensive and we only have the elementary school set.  One day, we’ll need to get the middle school set and then the high school set and by the time we’re done, we’ll have spent thousands of dollars.  And at the same time, they’re still taking these robotics classes and we’re paying for the classes, so at some point, it becomes redundant).  Which created a perfect storm of anxiety: is it more wasteful to make the purchase or not make the purchase?

And to make it more insane, while it’s an extraordinary amount of money for a toy, it isn’t an extraordinary amount of money in the grand sense of the word.  It’s the equivalent to one month of guitar lessons.

But the mantra in my brain was: what if we didn’t use this tool enough?  I truly hate to waste anything.

So you should also expect a post or two about Lego robots; a tutorial or something like that.  Because apparently, when you write a blog post about something, it becomes less wasteful.

Am I the only one with waste anxiety?  Please tell me that other people spend this much time worrying about spending money or not spending money.

P.S. I plan to play with it after they go to sleep and make my own robots.  It really is that cool.

*******

I make horrible food choices.  I feel like I need to see that in print so I remember it.  Melissa, you make horrible food choices.  I was thinking about tattooing it on my hand, but then I realized that I hope one day to make good food choices.  And tattoos are permanent.

This is but one example.  On Monday, we went to a Tex-Mex restaurant.  I told myself before we walked in the door not to eat the chips.  I ate the chips.  And then wasn’t really hungry for my meal.  But ate my meal too since I ordered it.  So it was food I didn’t need, but it all goes back to that waste thing: the food wasn’t going to still be good if I took it home (it wasn’t something that traveled well) but I had put myself in a position where I wasn’t really hungry anymore.  Horrible food choices.  I wish they made a tattoo that lasted for a year or so, that you could renew like a library book.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Two Years Gone” (Remembering Funny)
• “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” (Certainly Not Cool Enough to Blog)
• “Cold Peace” (Stirrup Queens) – thank you!
• “Guilt-Free Infertility 2.0” (This is More Personal)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Cablearms has an aching post about ifs.  The refrain at the end gutted me, and this is but a small part of it: “If I cry enough today, tomorrow and the day after, would my tears dry up and make me numb from all the pain? If I open myself up to the pressing reality that I can never bear a child, will it make it easier for me to move on?”  They’re questions without answers, but so much is said in the asking of them.

Hapa Hopes has a post about her “person” — the one you go to when “things are shitty, it’s the person you call to vent to and cry to.  He/she is your emotional stronghold.  Your person gets you.”  Her post is about her person, but she also invites you to write a small ode to your own person.  The post just made me smile, and it was a good reminder to let someone know how much they mean to you.

Feigning Fertility has a letter to a woman she encountered at the gas station; the hidden story behind the exterior the outsider can see.  It is just an amazing, amazing post; filled with humility and empathy and incredibly reserves of strength.

Lori Does Maryland has a post about how bravery comes in all forms.  She doesn’t consider herself brave for living every day without her son, Matthew, because she doesn’t see his loss as a choice.  But choosing to cycle again, choosing to do it while her husband is on a fleet, where if the IVF cycle works she will be parenting two children on her own close in age.  It’s an eye-opening post into the life of a military family.

Lastly, The Hardest Quest gives a gorgeous bit of advice about living without regret.  I don’t just love it because the American in me sighs over the beauty of the French in the post, but because by the end of the post, she had me considering places in my life where I may end up with regrets rather than the more livable remorse.  Just a fantastic post.

The roundup to the Roundup: How I ended up with a Lego robotics set.  I hate to waste things.  I make poor food choices.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 13th and January 20th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.