Category — Friday Blog Roundup

So you may have noticed (though probably not if you’re a regular reader of this blog) that I turned on comment moderation.  It only affects the first comment you leave.  Once I’ve approved your first comment, you should be able to comment without moderation (save for a select few that Akismet always dumps in moderation for whatever reason).  But this will hopefully help with the enormous quantities of spam that get past Akismet without changing anything for you.  I will still need to deal with the spam, but I’ll get to it in my own, sweet time instead of feeling pressure to be cleaning it up the moment it hits my site.  I spend an extraordinary amount of time daily cleaning up spam.

Every real comment will still go up as long as it conforms to my commenting policy which is fairly loose: no hate speech, cruelty, or traffic grabbing.  I define traffic grabbing as someone who leaves a comment solely to drive traffic elsewhere.  Just want to make that clear: I never delete a comment that links to a personal blog — I want to be able to follow a comment back to someone else’s space and see what they’re writing about.  I am not talking about linking to your story.  But I do delete comments that write something like, “nice job!” and then link to a site where someone is selling something.  They clearly weren’t here to join a conversation.

I know that there is no one out there who likes spam, but I absolutely abhor spam.  I hate not having things neat and organized, and spam is like someone dropping crumbs in my inbox or on my blog.  It’s just another little mess I need to clean up.  Nothing huge, but annoying at the same time.

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Early bird pricing for BlogHer ends today.  If you were considering going, now is the time to buy your ticket because you can get $150 off.

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The Americans started back up again.  That show freaks me out so much.  And it’s on late.  So I watch it and freak myself out right before bed.  But it was so good to see everyone in that first episode.  I’ve missed them.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Why Miscarriage Matters When You’re Pro-life” (The Lewis Note)
• “Loss of Innocence with Hope” (Oh Baby, Baby)

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about the flip side of gratitude and how she hears people processing appreciation for their life.  It’s an interesting take on trying to please others which comes to the conclusion that you can’t.  Especially not with a blog where your words are directed at a wide range of people vs. a single individual.  Go over and read the posts and comments.

A Woman My Age has a post about being a practicing Buddhist for 15 years.  She explains, “At the end of the marital struggles, elder care, depressions, job loss, and infertility, I KNEW I had the ability to survive any MOTHERFUCKING thing.  Including myself.”  It’s a wonderful post about the journey which keeps going and going and going.

A+ Effort has a post on the two year anniversary of becoming a mother.  It is so simple and so profound.  Congratulations!

Lastly, Serenity in Chaos has a post about the birth of her friend’s child.  She writes, “I was HAPPY for her, but also couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous. After all, this is the first biracial baby in my inner circle and it was DIFFICULT not to have any thought of “this could have been ours”. I couldn’t help staring at the cute baby photos on the first day. More than three times a day. On purpose.”  I loved this post for the deep honesty which covers the gamut from twinges to unbridled happiness.  It’s just a beautiful capturing of a moment in time.

The roundup to the Roundup: Trying to combat blog spam.  BlogHer early bird pricing ends today.  The Americans is back!  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 21st and February 28th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So my friend came to visit this week.  She was supposed to stay with me for most of the week, but she ended up staying out of the house for two days while we finished up the Plague.  Someone was sick in our house for 12 days straight.  12 days.  And I was one of those people for five of the days.  And the rest of those days, I was taking care of other ill people; sometimes while I was sick.  So that sucked.  But she took pity on me and herself and came later in the week so I could have a day to bleach.

2014 hasn’t had the easiest start.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Wow” (Mrs. Spit)
• “7 Years – Retrospective” (Outlandish Notions)
• “In Which I am Learning to Live with the Ache” (Sarah Bessey)
• “A Letter to My Husband” (Waiting for Baby Bird)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Serenity Now! writes the end of her family building story: “I’m not surprised it didn’t work. I’m not even heartbroken. There was no more heart to break, no real hope left for us, not really.”  It’s the peace that she comes to by the end of the post that will stick with you for many hours after you walk away from the words.

A Separate Life has a great post in honour of Valentine’s Day giving love to the Internet.  It’s fun to read through what she has gained from her Internet connections and consider your own list.

Me Plus One has a beautiful tribute to her aunt on her blog.  She wasn’t a saint, she wasn’t perfect, but she was wonderfully complicated and human.  And you will bawl — I promise you — at the end of this post.

Life of the Barely Sane has a post about her child’s desire for a sibling.  She writes, “But no sooner had we climbed in the car and the ‘I want a baby’ comments started.  MG was relentless.  Her main argument: you told me to try my best on the beam, so why can’t you and daddy try your best.”  But the part that gutted me is how the feelings of infertility are far-reaching: “For her, I imagine the feelings will be much like mine: something she comes to accept over time yet remains a wistful dream she never truly forgets.”  Read the whole post.

Lastly, Moving Mountains with Small Eggs has a wonderful venting post.  She lays bare all her jealousies as well as what she has.  Just a really great, deeply honest post.  She writes, “But these tears, these are what I have.  These eggs, old and shriveled, this is what I have.   These delays in my infertility treatments, this is what I have.   This box full of unused medications leftover from so many procedures, this is what I have.”  I hope she gets the other half of her broken heart.

The roundup to the Roundup:  My friend was here to visit. And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 14th and February 21st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Everyone in this house made me sick.  The ChickieNob contributed her drippy nose and eyes.  (Thanks, sweetie!)  The Wolvog gave me his hacking cough.  (You’re a dear!)  And Josh gave me the aching joints and sleepiness.  (I owe you!)  This was not a week to be sick.  Not that there is ever a week to be sick, but I already lost three work days taking care of other sick people, and now I’ve lost the rest to my own illness and the snow.

Not to be Captain Obvious about it, but I am not happy.

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Oh!  And it’s Valentine’s Day.  Happy Valentine’s Day.  We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.  Though I did tell Josh to pick up chocolate hearts for the kids before the snow came.  And then I not so discreetly hinted that I would also love to eat chocolates in bed while we watch the Olympics.  But I only wanted him to get crap chocolates because I don’t want to spend money on the good stuff.

What I love are those boxes that come with the diagram to tell you what is inside every option in the box.  I like the ones that have a raspberry or cherry creme.  I also like various nougats.  I do not like chocolate with more chocolate.  Oh, and I definitely go for the coconut ones first in case someone else tries to take them.  (They don’t.  I seem to be the only person in this house who loves coconut.)  In fact, I am of the “eat the ones you love the most first” because with boxes of chocolate, people tend to leave the crap ones behind instead of saving the best for last.

Do you eat the best chocolate choices first or last?  And which one is your favourite choice?

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “What IF Has Taught Me…” (Serenity in Chaos)
• “Happily Ever After… Or Not?” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

An interesting debate is taking place on The Road Less Travelled about using the phrase, “I can’t imagine.”  Is it hurtful or helpful or something in between?  The answers have been as interesting as the post itself.

Inconceivable has a post about Harry Potter that bypasses JK Rowling’s statements this week and points out a much less realistic line in the book.  I’m not going to say what it is because if you haven’t read the series, clicking over to this post will ruin it.  But if you have read the series, you should definitely hear her thoughts on scars.

Lastly, Nuts in May’s post about the dinosaurs she grew up with and the one she found in her house right now is brilliant.  It is one of the best things I’ve ever read.  I just really wish she didn’t have to write it at all.

The roundup to the Roundup:  I am sick.  How do you eat your chocolates?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 7th and February 14th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So I got my Facebook movie via lookback, and I’m thrilled to say that the Facebook algorithm deemed that photo I took of turkey vultures picking clean the corpse of a dead deer as one of my most important photos that defined my last ten years.  Thank you, Facebook.  Computers really can do the hard curation work of human beings.  I’m considering hiring the Facebook algorithm to write a few blog posts per week for me.  I mean, it already knows my brain better than I know my brain.  I would think it could be taught to spit out a few coherent words on ovaries, Candy Crush, and blogging etiquette.

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Earlier in the week, the sliding doors on the car froze shut.  No amount of yanking could get them open, so the Wolvog suggested that we “clown car it.”

“What would that entail?” I asked.

“We’d climb in through the front seat.  Like clowns.”

So everyone piled into the car via my driver’s door (which is not a sliding door hence why it was able to be opened).  When we got to school, I pulled into the lot and prepared to walk them to the front door of the building.  But I had forgotten that I was wearing my yoga clothes.  This wouldn’t normally be an issue except I was wearing yoga pants that were about three sizes too large that dragged on the ground.  And since the ground was wet and icy, I had tucked the bottom of the pants into my thin socks.  All the kids stared at me as I approached the building, and the twins muttered that they were fine going the rest of the way on their own, thank you very much.

I don’t know when it happened, or how it happened.  The change came at night, like grey hairs or stretch marks.  I woke up this week, and I was that mortifying adult.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “These Moments” (Mrs. Spit)
• “Stuck” (Inconceivable)
• “Write for Me” (Outlandish Notions)
• “The Grief and the Trauma” (By the Brooke)
• “When Do You Know it’s Your Baby?” (The Chittister Family)
• “Surviving Baby Loss” (MissConception)
• “Addicted to IVF” (Laughter Through Tears)
• “Why She Got a Baby” (Waiting for Baby Bird)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I also had “These Moments” by Mrs. Spit since the post sits on the threshold of both weeks.  It’s an amazing post, where she decides to say what a stranger needs to hear vs. what she needs to say.  And in doing so, splits the universe.  It is gorgeous, heartbreaking… enormous.  About the love we give another human being sometimes.  Even when it guts us a little bit to give that kindness.  And it’s about the what should have beens.

A Woman My Age has a post about parenting after adoption, stating plainly, “I don’t know if anybody realizes this, but adoptive parents are always thinking about the future of their child while simultaneously trying to safeguard their histories and prepare them from a random stranger’s curiosity.”  It’s about the intrusive questions that get asked, and I love the way she phrases her response.

Life of the Barely Sane has a post about getting a tattoo as a way to honour becoming a mother.  As someone who has long thought of getting a tattoo, I always love posts like these.  She writes, “It says everything I wanted it to say and more without a single word on my body. MG is excited because she knows the bug is her and me? Well, I’m just glad to have the worst of the pain over with.”  Plus the post now has a picture!

Bio Girl has a moving post about her sister, counting down the anniversaries from the last year of her life especially as she approaches the big one in this upcoming week.  She writes, “Playing them over in my head, wishing I could focus on the good memories, but instead having my mind decide to relive the heartbreaking ones more often than I would ever choose.”  Sending a lot of love to her.

Lastly, Life and Love in the Petri Dish has a post about the work/home balance, admitting “The fact is that it seems ok to be in my role and be an academic and a mom as long as it appears that my mommying does not infringe on my professional life.”  But you should read this post for her kick-ass response to her question about being a mother and a professional.  Loved it.

The roundup to the Roundup: Thanks, Facebook, for the movie.  I embarrass people.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 31st and February 7th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I hate it when brands stop selling a product (or create a “new” and “improved” version that may be new but is certainly not improved, but that is a different story).  My latest ire is for Vaseline over the discontinuation of their Deep Moisture Creamy Formula.  It was one of the greatest hand lotions of all time.  I bought it for friends, I stashed tubes of it in a multitude of places.  It was a beautiful, beautiful, well-made product.

And then it started getting harder to find.

Then it returned, watery and smelling foul, and I went online to discover that everyone else was also repulsed by this new version of the lotion (which, by the way, was not packaged differently).  And now it’s gone altogether.  No more Vaseline Deep Moisture Creamy Formula.  Thanks a lot, Vaseline, for nothing.

I am very particular about my lotions because they have to be unscented.  And a certain consistency.  And obviously also work to relieve dry skin.  Like I could never be like “Offred” in the Handmaid’s Tale and smear butter on myself.  I mean, yes, the reproductive health of women is horrifying in that book, but so is the keeping of rancid butter in a shoe.

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On the other hand, I love Bluehost.  If you’ve ever considered self-hosting your blog, I cannot recommend them enough.  This week, I had malware on my site.  It infected a ton of files, and it was beyond my capabilities at the moment to deal with it.  I was on the phone with tech support — by the way, every time I call, I rarely wait more than 30 seconds for help AND the people are completely patient with me and my inane questions — and the guy started cleaning up my account for me.  He walked me through a few things on my end while he took care of other things on his end, and within 15 minutes, we had the site neat and functioning.

I love them.  I love how accessible they are.  I love how much they’re willing to jump in and help.  I love how it’s a rare occurrence that I ever need to call for help because they keep things running smoothly.

Thank you, Bluehost.

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I started up yoga again since hurting my back.  I’ve been doing it every morning.  I can feel a weird pinching sensation in my arm when I do certain stretches, but other than that, it doesn’t bother my back.

The problem is that I have lost all my upper body strength.  I went to do a chatarunga.  I was fine in plank, but when I started lowering myself, my right arm gave out.  I used to be able to lower myself slowly with control.  Now I sort of flop over after lingering in plank as long as possible.  My arms were stronger than this when I first started to do yoga years ago, so it feels odd to not be able to do this simple movement anymore.  I wonder how long it will take to see a difference; to be able to lower myself gently again.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “You and Your Damn Babies” (Grounded Parents)
• “Abortion Rhetoric from the Perspective of a ‘Miracle Baby’ Mom” (Grounded Parents)
• “The Bitch is (Sort of) Back” (Work is for Suckers)
• “A Crossroad” (The Stroller Coaster)
• “What it is” (Remission Statement)
• “Just Be Nice” (Band Back Together)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Me vs. Infertility has a post about a sign she always sees at work with the words “BFP Test Outlet.”  Obviously the words mean something different in this context, but they can’t help but make her think about the beta at the end of her IVF cycle.  She admits, “I’ve never seen a positive pregnancy test. But I’ve wondered what will happen when I do.”  The post is a good reminder that two people can see the exact same thing but take away very different meanings.

Stupid Broken Eggs has a post about her upcoming transfer.  I like it because it’s a good, everyday post giving the outsider insight into the world of fertility treatments.  The sort of post I like to forward to someone when they say, “oh, you can always do IVF” as their answer to every fertility issue without truly knowing what IVF entails.  But I especially love this post because she takes back some control from an out-of-control experience, setting firm limits on the passing of information.  She explains, “A lot gets taken away during IF. So I plan to treat our transfer just like the special private (as private as I can make it) moment it can be.”

A little late with this (but I read it after the last Roundup was written) but Veggie Sausages has a post twisting the concept of #momfail and explaining what looks like failure is actually a step towards success.  She writes, “You are not failing because you are always thinking you could do better. You are always seeking to improve your practice to do right by the tiny people who live in your house. I have a distinct feeling that bad mothers don’t feel bad.”  It’s a rallying cry for anyone who thinks they’re doing less than their best today.

Lastly, Birds, Bees, and Medicine has a post about applying the relaxation techniques she teaches to herself.  It’s not that she doesn’t feel anxiety; she just knows how to hold it and then set it aside so it doesn’t eat her alive.  And I love, love, love the end of this post.  That whole last paragraph.

The roundup to the Roundup: Thanks for nothing, Vaseline.  Bluehost, you rock.  Yoga is hard after a back injury.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 24th and January 31st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.