Infertile or Not

The Washington Post had a somewhat great opinion piece on Dolly Parton last week, pointing out that “She was a reassurance … that parenting is far from the only way to invest in the kids who are all of our future.”

I say somewhat great because the repeated framing (emphasis mine) is that she hadn’t wanted kids.

• “She was a vocal nonparent who nevertheless cared greatly about kids.”
• “She was proof that a person could be an advocate and friend for children while personally choosing against parenting.”
• “She was a reassurance that voluntary childlessness doesn’t reflect inherent selfishness.”
• “Parton was a hero in ‘child-free’ circles, too, for publicly recognizing the choice to not parent as a valid and rewarding one.”

The writer acknowledges, “In the early years of her 58-year marriage to Carl Thomas Dean, Parton has said, she tried unsuccessfully to get pregnant.” But then goes on to keep repeating this narrative of they didn’t want to parent, which feels like they’re only telling part of the story, which is closer to they wanted, they couldn’t have, they made a choice based on that information, and they lived happily ever after.

Dolly saw the positives in not having children, felt at peace with the decision, and was even happy that things happened as they did. But her story was never, “Nope, never wanted to parent and glad I stuck with that.” Life is more complex than what can be contained in a handful of quotes.

And I kind of wish they had also used the space to point out that there are so many reasons a person wouldn’t have children along with so many ways we can all invest in the future generation.