Repeat: Permission to Tell Our Stories
Same as the last two years, I am not writing my blog right now because I need to navigate the twins returning to college. Unlike the last two years, I didn’t aim to rerun a post from the same date, years earlier. Instead, I used a random date generator, and then took the closest post to that date, which is why you may see posts about winter in the middle of the summer.
I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty, and I could have space to process my feelings. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.
There was a recent Carolyn Hax that caught my eye, mostly because the title referenced being child-free. Except the question asker wasn’t really child-free. He was the father of a child who had died, and because his child wasn’t here, he was on the receiving end of familiar child-free comments ranging from the “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids” to the “you don’t understand” variety.
Carolyn told him to answer truthfully and respond, “‘I actually do know what it’s like’; or, ‘No, ‘lucky’ isn’t the word I’d choose.’” Which is exactly what he should do, but it made me think about why we ask for permission to tell our story.
The person who makes the comment doesn’t ask permission to make the comment. They just make an assumption and comment on the other person’s life without thinking.
