Coming Home
Five minutes before a small gathering of Egyptian geese in St James’s Park attacked us (It turns out that when you bend over and coo at one, every Egyptian goose in the area believes you’re on the verge of feeding them), I declared to Josh and the twins that I’m most myself in London.
This is probably an odd thing to say because I’m usually not in London.
But it’s true – I feel most myself when I’m in London, especially when we’re at the Tower of London. If we lived in the city, I would spend a portion of every day at the Tower of London.
But why do I feel at home in a place where I do not belong? Where I’ve never lived? Where I’ve only visited?
The only thing I’ve come up with is that the people around me sound like characters in a C.S. Lewis book, which reminds me of books from childhood that make me feel comfortable and safe.
Though I suspect my feelings may change if I had to live there. It’s always fun to be a visitor and have time for museums, book shopping, and hot chocolate alongside the Thames vs. going to work or dragging home grocery bags on the Underground. Just as any hobby can stop feeling good if it becomes your job, I assume a favourite setting could become a drag if you had to live there indefinitely.
So visiting it is!
It’s good to know what you like. To know a real place you can access and feel like you’re getting back to who you were when you were curled up reading a book.
4 comments
Your blog prompted me to sign up for email notifications when you post yesterday, which I did. I think that will help me remember to read and comment here more.
I can relate to feeling like oneself in London, as one of my peak life experiences (as my mom used to call them) was my study abroad semester there in January – May 1996. Thinking about being there, reading my journals from that time and being back all remind me of how I felt at such a special time in my life, when I was 20-21 and had so many hopes and dreams for my life.
I’ve only returned once since, for a few days in November 2019, and look forward to returning again for longer in the not too distant future. Our family was supposed to spend the month of August 2020 in the UK and then the pandemic happened. We’re aiming for possible next summer (2025), though not for quite as long, but we’ll see.
I appreciate the accents being comforting to you. I was thinking and wondering yesterday, while reading a biography of an abolitionist who was on a speaking touring the UK, back in the mid-19th century, about when and how accents develop(ed). I am curious how that happens, both internationally and within the US.
I feel as if I’m slightly different people when I travel, or when I have lived overseas, or when I speak different languages. The Mali in Thailand is different from the Mali in NZ. I behave slightly differently in Thai than I do in English. Mali in South Africa feels freer, more relaxed, than Mali almost anywhere else. (Sorry about the third person – I started and couldn’t stop!) Interesting that London in some way comforts you. That’s lovely.
I just made a new friend who is English. I love her accent and some of the phrases she says. When she was saying they like to sleep later on Saturdays I piped up “to have a lie in.” Thanks to social media I’ve picked up a few phrases and maybe more than that, it’s helped me with perspective taking.
I love London! I love it even more now that I know that it is the city where you feel most yourself. Lovely!! I love the vegetarian restaurant the Gate and the Tower of London. Have you guys been to the Gate yet?
This is so lovely. Maybe a piece of your soul is in London, like a horcrux.