Worst Guinea Pig Mum

Last week, I set a timer for five minutes before the test alarm was set to go off across the United States. The alarm I set to help me not jump when the big alarm went off made me jump instead, and I went into the living room to protect Beorn.

“Sweetie, in a few minutes, an alarm will go off. And it’s going to be loud. And you are going to hate it. But I am here to protect you.”

He stood and stared at me, and I looked down at my arm and realized that I was WEARING A WATCH THAT PROJECTED ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED ON MY PHONE. In other words, my arm was about to make an explosive noise, and I had brought said arm right next to the pig.

I ran out of the room, trying to get as far away from him as possible, and the test alarm went off two minutes early, blaring out of the devices I put on silent. (So much for testing the idea that my phone would just buzz to warn me that the world was coming apart.)

Beorn hated it, as predicted. And I had to give him 1.5 alfalfa cookies to coax him out of the corner of his habitat. Actually, I tried with the half cookie, and he accepted it. But he also thought a half cookie was bullshit, hence the second full cookie.

Worst guinea pig mum.