Repeat: The Luckiest
I am not writing my blog right now because I realized mid-August that it felt like a burden instead of a release. I am too sad, navigating the twins leaving for college. I scheduled these posts that day so the blog wouldn’t be empty, but I could pull back and use the time left with the twins. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.
I wanted to play the kids Squeeze’s 45s and Under but I didn’t have it on my iPhone. This was after I had sung the same six or so lines of “Goodbye Girl” over and over again while I washed dishes. Maybe they didn’t really want to hear Squeeze sing it, but I wanted them to hear Squeeze sing it. Sometimes I pretend that I can’t hear them protesting while I scroll through the artists list.
Except they were spared because I didn’t have any Squeeze on the iPhone.
I didn’t really feel like listening to anything else, but I already had the music app open, so I put on Ben Fold’s Rockin’ the Suburbs. I sang loudly through the first two songs, as if that would help the twins like the album better. Because my voice warbling off-key louder than Ben Fold’s voice makes it that much more enjoyable. The twins ignored me.
“You know that one of our wedding songs is on this album,” I told them.
“Oh my G-d, do we have to listen to something in Hebrew?”
“No, it’s in English. Do you want me to skip to it? It’s a love song.”
The Wolvog rested his forehead on the table, as if mushy songs shove him downward like an upperclassman dangling his head over a toilet. “Please.”
