Repeat: First Fruits
I am not writing my blog right now because I realized mid-August that it felt like a burden instead of a release. I am too sad, navigating the twins leaving for college. I scheduled these posts that day so the blog wouldn’t be empty, but I could pull back and use the time left with the twins. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.
The Wolvog came to this awful realization during the first week of school — that this was it. That every year, it would start anew, but it would all repeat in a different formation. That from now until 18, he’s in school. And then he’s in college. Then he’s maybe in grad school. And then he’s in a daily job. But every year, at least until he’s 18, he will keep up with the race only to find himself back at the starting line every September.
When you see time stretching on ahead of you like that and how much you still have to get through, it’s overwhelming. And when you look backwards at how quickly time actually passes, it is equally overwhelming.
Therefore, instead of living my life as if I am frantically counting pomegranate seeds, I am attempting to start this year by just enjoying the new fruit.
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Ugh, my youngest had this realization this year. She is 7 and struggling with anxiety and OCD. She misses her amazing teacher from last year and is realizing that these transitions are going to happen every August for a long long time and it’s stressing her out. I’m looking back at a photo memory that popped up of her first day of preschool 5 years ago and freaking out about how quickly it’s going by. I needed this reminder to try to start this school year and be in the present rather than worrying about the future and the past.