Repeat: A Post in Which My Heart and Head Agree to Disagree
I am not writing my blog right now because I realized mid-August that it felt like a burden instead of a release. I am too sad, navigating the twins leaving for college. I scheduled these posts that day so the blog wouldn’t be empty, but I could pull back and use the time left with the twins. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.
Last week or so, the New York Times had an article about PTSD for parents after a NICU experience that Josh forwarded to me, perhaps because I am Tums abuser whenever we need to go remotely near a hospital (though lest you think I am the only neurotic one, Josh commented recently after a doctor’s appointment that he couldn’t breathe. I think lack of lung power trumps stomachache). I think the most interesting part of the article compares the NICU to being in a war zone:
“The NICU was very much like a war zone, with the alarms, the noises, and death and sickness,” Ms. Roscoe said. “You don’t know who’s going to die and who will go home healthy.”
Experts say parents of NICU infants experience multiple traumas, beginning with the early delivery, which is often unexpected.
The article touches on other interesting points–that seeing sick children other than your own can also play into the trauma and that men experience PTSD at a higher rate than women following a NICU experience. How the NICU experience affects you later is not just the duration of time that you’re in the NICU or what your child goes through, it’s a whole host of other elements including what you observed, how you dealt with the emotions in the moment, and your coping mechanisms overall.
