Repeat: The Comfort of Small Things

I am not writing my blog right now because I realized mid-August that it felt like a burden instead of a release. I am too sad, navigating the twins leaving for college. I scheduled these posts that day so the blog wouldn’t be empty, but I could pull back and use the time left with the twins. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

I have been having kindergarten nightmares.

I know I’m supposed to leave those types of dreams to the kids and instead have more adult-themed nightmares. You know, like how they get to be chased by furry monsters in their nightmares and I get to be chased by axe-murderers in my nightmares. Grown-up nightmares about grown-up things.

The dreams can best be described as “rage against the machine” with the machine being everyone who works for the school system. In my dreams, I have huge, obscenity-filled tantrums on the twins’ behalf. I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept.

None of our fears have come true — their friend is in their class, their teacher seems wonderful, I even have a volunteer position at the school. And yet, I have been having these awful, exhausting nightmares.

I sound like a really fun person to live with.

Read the rest here.