Remembering

A convergence of two ideas. I’m part of a Gamache read-along discussing Louise Penny’s series (one book per month). With each murder investigation, various town members will recount how they remember the deceased, and it usually goes on a predictable arc. Everyone remembers the deceased similarly (e.g., everyone describes them as the kindest person in Three Pines), and then they add caveats to their memory one by one as the book progresses. It’s the problem with obits in general: how do you sum up a person in a few sentences when people and relationships are complex and full of good and terrible moments?

Which is why I love the question on Grumpy Rumblings about how you want to be remembered. Do we have any say beyond doing the things that will get us remembered for those things? Without knowing how others will process our actions, we can make memories for others with broad strokes, but can we guide them to think something?

We all do things without knowing how others will perceive our actions. Even the most thoughtful questions can cut deeply, while the stingiest amount of attention may make someone feel amazing.

I hope I’m remembered well, but if Louise Penny has taught me anything, it’s that no one will ever be remembered one way.