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Birthday

Maybe I should wait to see how I feel next year, but I turn 49 at the end of the week (happy birthday to me!), but I don’t feel about the end of my 40s as I did about the end of my 30s.

I struggled with turning 40 and saying goodbye to my 30s, mostly because I saw 30 as the decade that brought me the twins whereas 40 would be the decade that would see the twins leave home.

I don’t feel the same anxiety about switching decades — at least, not yet. I feel grateful that I’ve reached this point. Many don’t. Instead of lamenting my grey hair — greyer than it was a decade ago — I feel lucky that I’m still alive to style my grey hair. I feel lucky that I have Josh and the twins and the rest of my family and friends. I feel lucky that I know what I do well and what I’m okay with not being able to do.

My questions now circle where the twins will be vs. who I will be.

I’m okay. I’m still dreading the twins leaving home, but a birthday won’t change that. So cake at the end of the week along with graduation. I just have to keep reminding myself that I can do hard things.

8 comments

1 Maya { 05.31.23 at 8:03 am }

Happy Birthday, Mel!!!
(I know there’s some melancholy about the twins’ graduations and college, but there’s still summer… and the hope that the coming year will feel freer than expected. <3)

2 Beth { 05.31.23 at 3:29 pm }

It feels big, for some reason, when birthdays and graduations collide but you are right that these are all things to be celebrated. Enjoy your cake and the twins’ graduation and all the many feelings they may both bring. You’ve all done a lot to make it to these milestones.

3 Natka { 05.31.23 at 10:07 pm }

Happy Birthday!!!!
May it be special, and fun, and full of love and laughter. Here’s to many more to come!!!

[And I agree wholeheartedly – getting older is much, much better than the alternative.]

4 nicoleandmaggie { 06.01.23 at 12:55 pm }

Happy birthday!

5 The Barreness { 06.01.23 at 1:37 pm }

Happy Happy Birthday!
May it be a wonderful celebration of you and all your favorite things and times.

6 a { 06.01.23 at 6:40 pm }

Happy Birthday!

40 was easy for me. 50 made me have to stop and take a breath. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d ever live to be this old anyway.

7 loribeth { 06.01.23 at 8:46 pm }

Happy, happy birthday, Mel! I hope you have a great day!

8 Jess { 06.02.23 at 7:01 am }

Happy birthday, Mel! Ooh, you are a perfect square. (49 is almost as exciting as 45 being half of 90!) I love the reflection on the end off the 40s vs end of 30s and what that means to you. I remember 40 being tough. I’m glad creeping up on 50 is better! I hope you have a glorious day!

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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