Bookends
18 years ago, I spent a lot of time crying because I didn’t think parenthood would happen. This last year with the twins at home, I’ve spent a lot of time crying again because it did, and I loved the experience so much, and I’m so sad that it’s over.
Yes, I know. It’s not over. But in many ways, when they leave home in the fall, we’ll both enter into a different relationship. They will always be my babies, but they will no longer be babies. And while I’m excited to see what they do and where they go in this next stage of life, I am sad that I am losing my job.
Or that my job description is changing.
We’re nearing the end of the college cycle. In fact, we’re smack in the middle of decision week, when most admission decisions come in for regular decision. They’ll have a month to make their final choice, but I sense it will happen sooner. I hope that I’ll be more at peace once I know where they will live next year. Right now, I think some of the tumultuousness is not knowing where they’ll be.
It has been such an amazing 18 years. I am so lucky I got to watch them grow up.
It’s just strange to think of those two bookends of parenthood — crying because I thought it would never happen and then crying because it did.
4 comments
Wow. That’s amazing way to put it. Full circle parenting. Hugs to you as you take another arch around the circle of life, more like a spiral as time moves us forward. You are very wise and I admire your openness as you continue to share with us. Hang in there.
Hugs for the crying bookends. But I like your qualification that your job description is changing. You haven’t lost your job. After all, your job description when they were 16 would have been very very different to when they were born, or six, or any other year of the last 18.
And you’ve had plenty of notice of the change. Of course, I recognise that that makes it both good – you have had time to adjust – and bad – you’ve had time to adjust and think about it. (Hence the year of crying!)
But it also means that you are graduating. You’ve done this part of your job wonderfully. They sound like such strong, intelligent, thoughtful, kind human beings, ready to go out in the world, but with a strong grounding to home (eg you). I hope you pat yourself on the back for that too.
Hugs to you, Mel. Agree with everything Mali has said above… It’s not easy, but it’s all true.
*Hugs* to you!
Someone was telling me this week about how the mother-child bond is like a kite string which keeps getting longer as they get older and there’s a tug and pull back and forth but never really gone.