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Serving Tea

Oliver Burkeman mentioned a book and idea in a recent post about intrusive thoughts that resonated with me. The book is The Path to Aliveness by Christian Dillo, and the idea is not to try to bar these thoughts from entering your mind but to adjust your level of hospitality when they get there.

He writes,

“The host’s job is not to barricade the door but instead just not serve any tea.” Maybe I can’t exactly let go of my counterproductive thoughts – but I can resist the temptation to indulge them, metaphorically inviting them to sprawl on the sofa for hours at a time, with a nice hot drink and a generous slice of cake.

I loop through the same anxious what-ifs at 1 am, essentially serving those thoughts tea, cake, and asking if they’d like to take my kitchen table while they’re at it. I’ve been trying to set down the teapot and instead literally think about myself taking back a cup of tea and holding it for myself instead of letting those negative thoughts get comfortable. Does it always work? No. But having a visual when I realize I’m doing it has been helpful.

3 comments

1 Maya { 02.05.23 at 8:29 am }

Oooh! I really love this mind hack and your development of it… I think I might actually make myself some tea as a tangible reminder.

2 Beth { 02.05.23 at 11:01 am }

This is solid advice. I’m going to share this with my anxious daughters – in addition to reminding myself in the middle of the night.

3 a { 02.07.23 at 7:28 pm }

I just think it’s great that I finally have a name for all those weird ideas I had postpartum. I had no idea what was going on…other than I figured it was probably hormonal and might go away eventually.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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