Ruining the Last Times
We went to the beach this weekend. We’ll go several more times before the twins leave for college because it’s a short trip — a quick drive that we make either for the weekend or as a daytrip. So I know it’s not the last time we’ll go, but I spent the weekend thinking about how at this time next year, we won’t have these spontaneous trips. Josh and I will still take them, but the twins won’t be with us because they’ll be away at school. It will change the rhythm of the trip, the routines we fall into the moment we enter the town.
I didn’t want to spend the weekend sad, but I also couldn’t convince my brain not to think like this. It didn’t help that we were surrounded by pregnant women and toddlers. It was as if we were a magnet, dragging every single woman 6 – 8 months pregnant into our orbit and depositing them in beach chairs around us.
I watched small children run into the ocean and fill buckets with water and roll in the sand, and my heart hurt. I was so jealous of these strangers. I didn’t covet their kids. I coveted more time with mine.
I’m hoping that by feeling things now that I’m letting out these intense emotions slowly over time. Like a slow release valve rather than feeling it all next August.
3 comments
I think all your anticipation of the sadness will definitely make it easier to bear once they go off to school. But have you heard that it makes much more economic sense to get all your basic classes out of the way at community college while living at home before you go off to spend the big $$$ at a college or university? Juuuust throwing that out there… 🙂
I like the idea of the slow release valve. And I’m not sure if it’s better to do the ripping-off-bandaid/cold turkey approach or promise yourself short beach weekends with them during things like fall break … moments when you can look forward to being with them? It is going to be hard no matter how we slice it. I am also grieving my kid’s impending departure. Honestly, my near-daily walks with him got me through the last two years, even when we were having an argument. <3
Some great suggestions above, Melissa. I don’t have any suggestions; but I feel like this a lot (and it has been over fie years since the eldest one left). Love and solidarity.