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Three Articles About Reproduction

Actually, let’s just skip the one about the parents suing the son and daughter-in-law for not giving them a grandchild.

So. Article Two: Slate had a great interview about how IVF is tied up in Roe v. Wade. Not just IVF — treatments for ectopic pregnancies, IUI, genetic testing. We’ve been beating this drum for years. It begins with what our community has always known:

If Roe v. Wade gets overturned, it won’t just affect women who need an abortion. For people seeking fertility treatment and their doctors, the big concern is the foundation of the fight against abortion: fetal personhood. If a fetus is a person, it raises all kinds of questions.

Republicans chipped away at abortion via personhood bills. It is terrifying to think about where this will go — into far-reaching corners we can imagine and not quite imagine yet.

Article Three: I wanted your thoughts because I thought Carolyn Hax’s answer was interesting. A writer asked: “Could we please stop “making conversation” by asking whether people have children and how many? People struggle with infertility, decide to remain child-free, have lost a child somehow, don’t want to discuss reproductive decisions, etc.”

Carolyn responded with sympathy but pointed out that few topics are truly safe for discussion because you never know someone else’s situation. She writes: “Almost any well-meaning inquiry can hit an emotional mine.”

The answer is to go into conversations knowing someone may touch a sensitive spot and have an answer/deflection at the ready. And to people making conversation, pick up on cues, pivot, don’t pry.

What do you think?

2 comments

1 Phoenix { 05.24.22 at 1:17 pm }

Interesting. I don’t mind Carolyn’s answer. But I also think there are better initial questions to ask strangers. If people do have kids they usually come up in conversation. When I was grieving my loss of motherhood, I hated this question. Now I just say no. It’s just a question, not a judgment. Fertile people don’t know any better and I can give them grace.

What I’ve started asking patients when I first meet them is, “What do you like to do for fun?” It lightens the mood and lets them talk about something they enjoy. Then I ask them the required health questions, while apologizing for asking such boring, invasive questions.

2 loribeth { 06.06.22 at 10:16 pm }

On the one hand, Carolyn is right. But those of us who have been on the receiving end of these seemingly innocent questions know how much they can hurt. I agree with Phoenix, there are better questions you can ask to break the ice. Jody Day has often pointed out that nobody needs to ask someone if they have kids — if someone has kids, you will hear about them, and you won’t have to wait long…!

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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