They Really ARE Thinking About You
I found a lot of comfort in this study that found that people are thinking about you. It’s the opposite of that false-sounding platitude we tell people that they shouldn’t worry because no one is paying attention to them. We’re all paying attention to ourselves.
Except we’re not.
We know that’s not true because we are thinking about people. And we can’t be the only ones doing this while everyone else is not doing this. We are wondering about people. So it is comforting that I am not the only person thinking about (and googling) old friends and wondering how they are or thinking about past conversations.
Across eight experiments involving over 2,100 people, social psychologists Gus Cooney, Erica Boothby, and Mariana Lee found that we regularly underestimate the frequency with which others are thinking about us. People assume it’s one-sided when they dwell on social interactions and conversations; in fact, others are thinking about them, too. The researchers called this gap between how much others actually think about us and how little we assume they do the “thought gap.”
I found the whole article both interesting and, at times, comforting.
2 comments
I have always interpreted the statement that we shouldn’t worry because no one is paying attention to us more like “people are too busy with their own business to judge you” vs. “people don’t think about you.”
Like you, I think about friends and family members often. . . even friends whom I haven’t seen, or spoken to, in years. When I do, I generally think of them with fondness.
I hope they can say the same of me.
Interesting. I recently messaged a friend who is overseas, telling her how often I think of her but how that doesn’t always translate into me letting her know! She responded saying how often she thinks about how nice it would be to go out for a coffee together and have a good talk. It was a nice reminder of what is in this article.
However, the statement about “people aren’t thinking of you” also helps me when or if I’m going through a whole “what will people think of me?” phase.