Doing Hard Things
I went to meet a friend for coffee early in the morning, and my tire pressure light came on right as I pulled off the street. I am someone who has always taken my car to the local garage and had someone there fill up my tires or convinced Josh to drive out and meet me at a gas station. Which is kind of embarrassing because it’s not that difficult. The last time Josh helped me, I made myself an audio note with step-by-step instructions.
I drove to the nearest gas station telling myself that I can do hard things. I have an audio note, and it’s early in the morning. Sure enough, when I pulled into the gas station, there was no one in sight. Except for the man watering the plants right next to the air pump. No problem. I’m not embarrassed that I am a middle-aged woman standing next to my car, listening to an audio note telling me how to take care of my tires.
I started with the tire that looked lower than the others. The gauge confirmed this, and I started to fill the tire with air, becoming flustered because I really wanted to listen to the audio note again, but the watering can man (WHY ARE YOU WATERING PLANTS WHEN IT IS CLEARLY ABOUT TO RAIN?) is looking at me strangely. So I decide that I’m going to pull to the side of the station, listen to my note a few times, and then loop back to the air pump.
I go to reattach the cap, and it flies out of my fingers and through the tire, landing somewhere beneath my car. I’m scrambling around, looking for it, when another car (of course) pulls up behind, waiting to use the pump.
A sixty-something-year-old man climbs out of the car and immediately starts offering to help. Do I need him to fill my tires? No. I’m just trying to find the cap. Do I need him to find the cap? No, I am perfectly capable of finding a cap. Do I need him to…
Listen, I get that he was just being helpful, but sometimes being helpful is giving someone time to do something. Not rushing them along when there are two other gas stations within eyesight that you can go to if you’re in a hurry and need an air pump now. Instead, he hovered as close as he could with COVID-19 in mind and made me feel panicked.
A minute later, I found the cap, attached it, and drove away without checking the other three tires. I would have to loop back to the station later or risk being late to meet my friend. And, frankly, I was too embarrassed at that point to drive back in and test the other three tires without a clear and immediate reason.
The moral of the story; I will be cognizant when waiting in line that I don’t make another person feel rushed. You never know when they’re trying to follow steps from an audio note for the first time.
5 comments
I can handle most minor car maintenance things. I learned from various people over the years. But a couple months ago, my tire blew while the kid and I were out and about. I am capable of changing a tire, in theory. In practice, it would be a huge struggle to loosen lug nuts and lift tires into place. When I was stopped at the side of the road, a car pulled up and asked if I needed help, and I told them that I’d be fine – my husband was coming. The second guy just came and changed my tire for me – he was super nice, and thought it made more sense than sitting there waiting for my husband to show. When we got a new tire, I made the kid go out and help her father put the tire back on the car. I don’t want her stranded and unable to take care of things on her own. My dad wasn’t handy (although he was capable of a few minor auto checks and repairs), so I had to learn this kind of stuff mostly on my own. You never know if someone will come along and offer to help, so it pays to be self-sufficient.
However, people gotta learn sometime, so I think it’s fine to say “Do you need help?” in a completely non-specific way. If the answer is “No.” then butt out and wait patiently, because they’re clearly figuring something out on their own. Sometimes I offer unsolicited tips, if I happen to know a secret for something. But otherwise…I can easily stand there and look at my phone while I wait.
Oh, NO. I have cried at an air pump more times than I can probably count. The air pump is STRESSFUL! There are so many pieces: the little cap on your tire, trying not to blow up your tire, parking so the tube goes to all the tires, and getting it in before your quarters run out. I don’t know if your air is free, but virtually no stations in my area have free air anymore, and so you have to have QUARTERS and then the time runs out. Which seems crazy antiquated to me.
I love your thoughts on not accidentally rushing someone by offering to help when they just need time to figure things out. I also love that you have an audio note for putting air in the tires, which I should probably do instead of ending up calling Bryce, in tears, horribly embarrassed and horribly anxious, from a gas station to come help me. More than once.
This is so relatable. Stuff like this stresses me out so much. Then I read Jess’s comment and was laughing out loud. I feel so understood.
Oh, gosh. Yes. Kudos to you for navigating this, however bumpily.
I am a fan (and owner) of small portable tire inflators that you can buy for ~$40 and plug into your cigarette lighter to inflate your tires … whenever and wherever. We have one in each vehicle and also use them for bike tires, etc. This may not work for you (depending where you live), but does offer the advantage that you can inflate your tires at home, if you prefer.
I think I need an audionote for a lot of things! Such a good idea. Like a, I know how to do some of these things in theory, but have no practical experience. So next time we put air in the tyres, I’m going to do it myself (under DH supervision of course). And Jess, having to pay for air? That’s outrageous!
And I’ve definitely been moved on from different places/activities when people have been hovering behind me or have been impatient. Even just shopping! Or taking photos. You are not alone.