Acknowledgment
“It may seem counter-intuitive, but the way to make someone feel better is to let them be in pain.” —Megan Devine and Refuge in Grief (:34 in the video below)
This is three-and-a-half minutes of brilliance, and I’m setting it here in case you want to help someone who is hurting. As her hashtag states, #itsokthatyourenotok
4 comments
I love this, and it’s something I learned in the ALI space, the concept of simply abiding with someone who is grieving. Merely sitting with them can be one of the most powerful things we can do.
This is so perfect! I’ve also learned it through ALI friends and peers. Trying to cheer someone up is in a way a denial of their pain, their loss, their grief. But it is such an easy habit to lapse into. It’s good to have validation that it is okay to let people grieve and sit in their pain. That scientifically, it is the best thing to do. Thanks for the reminder.
I learned this when I experienced all the trivial responses to my infertility pain. All I wanted was for someone to tell me it was ok to be grieving, angry and frustrated and all I was getting was “you’ll get pregnant once you adopt!” Bah.
When my aunt passed away after a year of suffering through cancer, I turned to my husband and said, “I’m not okay.”
And he said, “You don’t have to be.”
And that was the best thing I think I’d ever heard. It was validation and permission all at once. It recognition and acceptance. I’m still okay when when I’m not okay. Because I don’t have to be okay all the time to be loved and accepted.