Kosher COVID-19
There are some kashrut rules that are followed regardless of your level of observance—for example, not mixing meat and dairy—and others that differ from person-to-person.
For example, Josh and I are much stricter with meat meals. We ask that guests never bring anything to contribute to the meal when we’re serving meat, but we’re looser with dairy meals as long as the contribution is vegetarian. I’ll use a vegan ingredient if I can’t find one with a hechsher (that little symbol that tells you something is kosher) with a dairy meal. Never with a meat meal. We’ll eat vegetarian dishes from non-kosher restaurants. (I always eat vegetarian, but everyone else eats vegetarian out of the house.)
I was stricter with kashrut rules when I first met Josh, but we compromised and landed in a place where we both felt comfortable. Because you kind of need to be on the same page when it comes to keeping kosher. It doesn’t work if I keep X rules and Josh keeps Y rules if we’re using the same kitchen and kitchen equipment.
Our friends know our rules (and therefore know whether they’re comfortable eating at our place or not), and we know their level of observance. Or we ask, and then always opt for the more restrictive level because everyone can fit under the restrictive level but people with stricter needs can’t fit under a less restrictive level. It’s sort of like the no-peanut thing in classrooms: People who eat peanuts can also not eat peanuts. They lose nothing under the more restrictive rule. But people who cannot eat peanuts lose a lot under a less restrictive rule. Such as their life.
I thought this was a really perfect way to understand people’s individual COVID-19 restrictions. There are certain things everyone needs to do: wear a mask, distance from one another, stay home if ill. But the rest differs from person to person. Some are comfortable taking a walk with a friend outside. Some are not. Some will eat at a restaurant indoors, some outdoors, some not at all. Some are okay taking a risk for family but not taking a risk for a friend.
If you always opt for the most restrictive option—going with the comfort zone of the most restrictive friend or family member—you’ll both technically be comfortable. You may not both be happy, but that is something different altogether. But I’d also point out that no one is happy right now.
11 comments
Perfect! I try to be accommodating, but…I have my limits. We’re back on restriction again, anyway, and we usually don’t do family holiday gatherings any time. I will worry for the people who are, but it’s up to them to assess their own risk. I will, of course, judge their choices. 🙂
But if some of those friends/family members are eating in restaurants, gathering at other people’s houses (masks and 6’ are not magic 🙄🙄🙄😡) etc. when not around their more restrictive friends/family members, being more restrictive in the moment doesn’t matter. They will be exposed and then expose their more cautious friends/family members/random people at the grocery store. We need a freaking nationwide shutdown. Not looking forward to an even worse surge after thanksgiving.
I’m with @Working Mom of 2 — on the one hand, useful analogy. On the other hand, the difference is that if I don’t keep kosher in general (and I don’t) or I do eat peanuts (when I’m not around people with peanut allergies, and I do), I’m not — in general — endangering them or changing their risk of eating something not appropriate to their dietary approach and/or allergies. Not so with COVID, where each person who gets infected (or, by extension, risks infection), endangers others.
It’s hard — I think the vast majority of us have accepted / are living with some level of risk of exposure. But I will say I personally would embrace living in NZ (if only I could) where at a societal level we’d decided we were all going to do whatever it took to take our collective risk to zero.
This is a perfect analogy when dealing with reasonable people. I’ve learned a lot about how unreasonable people can be through all of this.
I like this idea. I think the problem lies, though, with those folks who won’t do anything because they believe that the virus is “a hoax,” or “no worse than the flu,” or they feel that they and their family are not personally at risk of serious illness and therefore don’t care about avoiding it.
I am definitely giving friends and family a lot of grace in their (reasonable) choices these days.
I like what Beth said.
P.S. A guest I recently interviews for my podcast invoked a similar principle for contact in open adoption: it usually settles at the level of the most restrictive person. COVID precautions seem to work similarly.
Oh, if only people were all reasonable like this, and took some temporary restrictions for the greater good. Because when followed, they ARE temporary, because they’re successful!
I also like your “marshmallow test” analogy for COVID, and have used it a lot. If, globally, we all just followed the rules and stopped moving around the world, we could get rid of this thing.
I don’t need to say that, re COVID, those of us in NZ are happy. We’d be much happier if the rest of the world is too.
*was
I will say it’s VERY difficult when you’re living with someone who has different ideas of what’s acceptable during Covid. Case in point: My husband is at higher risk of death if he contracts its and has been utterly militant…..about me. This summer? All I wanted was to spend time at a private pool with my BFF. Two people out of doors and he kept saying I was trying to kill him every time I suggested it. So, we’re having everything delivered, and I’m going crazy with no social interaction for 9 months. He’s delighted- not having to see people? It’s his idea of heaven. But, on the rare occasions he goes to a drive thru or something he doesn’t even wear a mask! Here I am not seeing people, and wearing a mask anytime I’m out of our house (rare) and he won’t even wear a d@mn mask unless he’s somewhere that requires it! It’s infuriating to me, especially after not getting to celebrate any of our birthdays, and now missing Thanksgiving and Christmas? Given that we went back on lockdown, I’m sure I’d be deciding to miss Thanksgiving anyway, but it’s the principle here!
I agree with Beth, too. I also liked this: “But I’d also point out that no one is happy right now.” A-MEN to that. But I’d rather make others unhappy than make others (or myself) dead or changed for life. I like the always going with the most restrictive person’s comfort level. Probably because I’m usually the most restrictive person when it comes to COVID. You can also take this to celiac, I need people to be at super restrictive so I don’t get sick, which is why most people will not cook for me. I can cook for them, but they won’t cook for me for fear of my health and safety. Wish the same was true for COVID.