Going Nowhere
If you’re traveling this summer and getting together with friends, this post is going to make you cranky. Click away. I promise, I’ll write something COVID-19-free tomorrow.
Josh linked to an article from The Atlantic about coronavirus restriction fatigue and doubt. This sums up everything for me:
It would feel so good to give up. To hug our friends, to visit our grandparents. To eat one meal, just one, at a restaurant table instead of on the couch, maybe even without the kids in tow. Even a mundane day of running errands—shopping, getting a haircut, going to the gym—would be glorious.
There’s no reward for abstaining from these things—just, hopefully, the absence of consequences. And lately, fewer rules are left to stop anyone, even as coronavirus case numbers in the United States surge. That means it’s on each of us to stop ourselves from doing unnecessary things that we know will put others at risk, even if those things are technically allowed.
We are on the super cautious end of things. We are still staying home. We have not gotten haircuts. We are doing only necessary errands—food shopping or the hardware store. I am letting the twins continue to do volunteer work because it’s outside and human-free. We are not socializing with people, even at a distance, with the exception of my parents. We only visit them outside, with over six feet of space between us. I restrict my water intake before we drop off their groceries so I don’t even go into their house to use the bathroom. In other words, we are very very very careful.
It’s our choice, and we make it because nothing has changed since we started it in March. The virus is still the virus. If we stayed home in March, we should stay home in July. Whatever we didn’t do in March, we still shouldn’t do in July. Our leaders told us in March to stay home and save lives, so we are still staying home and saving lives.
But it becomes an awkward daily conversation—no, we can’t join you even at a distance. No, we can’t go inside. No, we can’t do that. Because to do so would undermine the worth of our actions in March. We didn’t give up things then for no reason. We did them because we were worried about our health. It would be like eating a balanced diet for two months and then moving to eating Doritos for every meal. What was the point of the two months of vegetables and protein if we turn around and destroy our body with three meals per day of chips? We should have just jumped straight to the chips and enjoyed ourselves.
And I’ll be honest, some days it’s easy and some days it’s really hard. We know we’re making decisions that other people aren’t making. On one hand, I believe everyone should make their own choice after hearing the facts. On the other hand, it would make it a lot easier if we got strict guidance that everyone followed.
I really love this quote from the article: “If it’s a conflict between what the epidemiologists are telling you to do and what your friends are doing, the cost of getting [the disease] is high enough that you ought to summon your courage and stick with what the epidemiologists are telling you to do.”
This summer is hard. Not being able to do things is hard. Not being able to see people it hard. Mental health is just as important as physical health. But I’m still pushing on because I don’t want to have regrets.
10 comments
We’re mostly staying home. I mean, I’ve been at work the whole time, but I’m not doing my usual out-all-day trips to stores and activities and we’re not really planning on visiting my sisters (I really, really, really want to, but…it’s just not a good idea). Our library has finally reopened, but I won’t go hang out there like I normally would. We went to the pool the other day – I don’t know if I’ll do that again. We went to the mall, briefly. We’re not dining out or ordering carry-out.
I’m trying to be slightly less restrictive, within bounds of what I think is safe based on what I know about the virus. So, I’ll maybe call the shelter and see if we can come walk dogs again. And I’ll take the kid to get a hair cut, as long as everyone is masked. But minimizing interactions with others who don’t live in my house is my long-term plan, until there’s a vaccine.
We’ve been pretty cautious – we do grocery pick-up so we don’t have to go in the store, order online where we can, and we’re very restricted in the people we see. We did try a visit to the local zoo with timed tickets/restricted entry, didn’t visit any of the indoor exhibits, and masked ourselves, but probably won’t do that again because almost no other visitors were masked and that was kind of terrifying. I bought a clipper set and have now cut my own hair twice (yay for rocking a super-short pixie and curls that hide a little bit of unevenness). Both of us have jobs, however, that are fairly high-risk for exposure and can’t be done remotely. Which means the kids are in daycare 1 day per week because we simply can’t *not* work.
But yeah, it gets exhausting explaining why we aren’t doing/won’t be attending (fill in the blank). I’ve gotten some, uh, interesting looks like I’m being super paranoid – but I know the virus isn’t gone and we don’t want it ourselves or accidentally pass it on to others.
“There’s no reward for abstaining from these things—just, hopefully, the absence of consequences.” That basically sums up all of public health in one sentence, and is also the reason that public health in general is poorly funded compared to acute/bio-medical care. We don’t ‘see’ the benefits’ of public health prevention, like an absence of cancers and deaths. We do see people getting sick and injured and then see them get better through access to medical care. It’s a frustrating part of being a public health professional.
We’re being hyper-cautious too. We don’t even go to the grocery store.
But I feel like we’re cheating because it really isn’t that hard for us. It’s amazing how little it turns out that I care about seeing people or doing things.
We have done only a little bit more than you, and only as it has become permissible (i.e., socially-distanced gatherings moved from 5 people to 10, which meant we could go sit in labmonkey’s backyard and see her household in person). Our numbers are not *that* bad, but we’re also watching the situation in Australia carefully and Melbourne has made it clear just how quickly this virus will re-emerge if given the chance. There are definitely a lot of people in our neighbourhood who seem to think this is over, and it is hard to stay home and keep the kids from their friends when gangs of children zoom past on scooters.
Did you see the statement on Twitter about how the people who have stayed home the whole time, wore masks, and socially distanced were the ones who were used to doing the entire group project themselves in school? That really struck home for me. I am a rule follower and I can see how my sacrifices are helping the public good (and keeping myself and my family safe). To me, it’s a no-brainer to keep staying home, but it’s hard to watch other people take advantage of what people like me are doing to act like things have gone back to normal.
Yes to all of this. And the pressure to get together for play dates is awkward. Even at the park, outdoors, I’m uncomfortable not distancing. Especially when I know the other family is not being as cautious as we are. Every conversation is uncomfortable but we are holding firm. And it’s exhausting.
Yep, we’re being extra careful just as before. I was able to take my kids to a non-crowded beach a couple of times and we all kept our masks on the entire time even though we never got near anyone. Now that I’ve been forced to go back to the office I’m sitting in my office with the door closed wearing a mask still. I’m the only one in my office doing that and it was obvious on a zoom call the other day. But over 200 scientists signed a report saying that coronavirus can be spread airborne and the aerosols can stay in the air for hours. Meanwhile some of my coworkers are sitting in their office without a mask with the door open as I walk by. like aerosols and droplets magically stop at the doorway. I also told everyone at work I wasn’t going to sign a group card they were circulating for someone. Also I could give less than a shit about people thinking I’m paranoid.
I found this Atlantic article fascinating, too (thanks, Noemi!). It reminds us that we are terrible about being able to assess risk very well because our blind spots and cognitive biases. https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/07/reopening-psychological-morass/613858/
I’ve been struggling a lot with this and my husband and I aren’t on the same page which makes it more difficult. He is being extra cautious still wheras I have been a little more relaxed about doing some things (for instance meeting a friend for walk). I feel like it’s a balance now between allowing myself some activities for the same of my mental health versus being as careful as possible to avoid the spread. Things in Germany are more under control than in the States though, so it is a little different
It’s hard when doing the right thing – for yourselves, your family, and your society – is both so difficult emotionally, and seemingly not that common. From photos I’ve seen online, no-one seems to actually know whqat six feet/two metres looks like. So you’re doing the right thing. And I’m cheering you on. My friends in DC/Maryland who are doing this hard – I have one who is going through cancer treatment right now, and another who has been in lockdown on her own since March – will thank you. And I thank you for them.