The Trust Equation
Carolyn Hax had some advice a week or two ago that was like a light bulb going off in my brain. The situation didn’t apply to my life—woman navigating her parent’s messy divorce—but Hax’s advice technically applied to… everything.
You don’t need to use one of your behind-the-paywall articles on this because she summarizes the long post in a single sentence: “When things go wrong or disappoint you or stir up new stuff you didn’t expect: Trust yourself to find your way through it.”
So keep taking chance and walking forward knowing you will be able to navigate whatever you encounter.
Or, I’ll apply it to general life instead of Hax’s divorce situation:
Information you have now + trust that you’ll get through the unknown = how to navigate any situation.
That when you don’t take chances or move things forward, what you’re saying is that you don’t trust yourself. You don’t trust your ability to get yourself through the situation. Despite all proof you have to the contrary. The reality is that I’ve gotten through everything so far. It hasn’t always been pleasant, and I’ve certainly had to mourn along the way, but I’ve gotten to this point, so I need to trust that I’ll get to the next point.
And that applies to you, too.
5 comments
This is very closely related to what I”m working on in therapy—trusting that I’ll be able to handle whatever comes my way, instead of spiraling into anxiety about maybe/what-if.
Yes. The only way forward is through, and we have to move forward. I talk about this a lot when my daughter is anxious – you can do this, you always have.
This is especially useful advice right now as we literally have no idea what is coming or how we will cope – we just have to believe we will.
I love Hax.
I like the first quote. To me, it has been one of the great gifts of infertility – knowing that I can get through things, even if I don’t want to.
I don’t quite agree with your or her conclusion that if you don’t take chances you’re not trusting yourself enough. Sometimes it means we don’t trust others! For example, so many of us are getting through the pandemic precisely because we are NOT trusting others. We are trusting ourselves to stay at home and save lives (ours and others).
I do think the trust issue is true though, in emotional terms. We can dare to think that we will get through this, dare to hope, and dare to relax and accept it, because we trust ourselves we’ll get cope with whatever hits us. So in that respect I agree 100%.
”The reality is that I’ve gotten through everything so far. ”
Sadly, that’s not the case for me. And, honestly, these days, the pandemic is not my number one concern. I’m not sure it even makes the top three.