Sharing Yourself
As you know because I talk about it incessantly, I am a Carolyn Hax superfan. I will skip reading the news when we’re abroad. And I will skip doing my beloved New York Times mini crossword puzzle. But I will never skip reading Hax’s column.
My favourite moments are when she weaves a little of her own story into giving advice. She has mentioned divorce (her ex-husband is the person who draws the comics that accompany the column) and infertility several times throughout the years.
But last week, due to sloppy reading, I thought she gave us a peek into her parenting world. A person asked for advice on getting their child evaluated. She gave her advice (completely sound, as usual), and then she added some reader thoughts. Except, at first, I missed that they were reader thoughts, so I thought she had gotten super personal when I got to the comment about the daughter.
(For people who can’t read the column because it’s behind a paywall: “Do the testing yesterday, even if you have to sell your house. My daughter always had issues, but no one ever recommended we test her. We just essentially withdrew her from college yesterday, and life is hell right now.”)
So not her comment, but I thought it was her comment, and it made me realize how much I appreciate candidness from a professional. I know therapists and teachers are taught to put up strong boundaries, and there is a point to those boundaries.
But as a teacher, some of my most meaningful moments came when I let those walls down and admitted to the kids times I had struggled in school or things I was afraid of or mistakes I had made in life.
I’m grateful for the times when she does that, even if this was not one of those times.
4 comments
I am also a Carolyn Hax superfan. I read her column every day (one of the reasons I pay for an online WP subscription), and I read her live chat every week, too, even if I have to go back after the fact to read the archived version.
Totally agree. My daughter lives with anxiety and we needed to let her teacher in on that this year. Her response was kind and thoughtful and shared her own personal struggle with anxiety. This meant so much to my daughter, and to me. Personal connections are so important.
Yes, I agree with you. I did some organisational training some years back, and giving real life examples from either me or people they knew made a huge difference in their understanding and attitude. I also had a reader on No Kidding in NZ who regularly protested that their situation was different to what I was talking about. (Though I was not talking about them specifically.) Until we emailed, and I told them something personal that made them realise, “hey, maybe she isn’t so different!” Giving personal experience helps with credibility. You don’t have to have it to be right, but people sometimes need it to believe you.
Delurking to write that this reminds me of a book I just read: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. It’s written by a therapist about how she came to therapy and her own experience with both therapy and being a therapist. Fascinating and the audiobook is great listening!