You Don’t Know Yourself
Think about it this way. Look back at yourself ten years ago. I was 35. My job was different. The twins were only in school two hours per day. I hadn’t yet learned anything about computer programming (and didn’t believe I ever would). 35-year-old Melissa had no clue about the day-to-day life of 45-year-old Melissa. Isn’t that a bizarre thought?
My future self is a stranger.
I can look at the past and know how I reached this point. Imagine what each Melissa thought and felt along the way. But that future Melissa — tomorrow’s Melissa or next week’s Melissa or next year’s Melissa — are all a mystery.
Getting into birding feels natural right now. It would have been bizarre even five years ago. When asked about becoming a birder, 40-year-old Melissa would have the responded, “I hope not!” And yet, I found myself happily looking at birds a weekend or two ago, chatting about binoculars with a park ranger.
45-year-old Melissa cannot imagine what 50-year-old Melissa will be like. Will she be doing the same work? Have the same interests? The same friends?
Will she read this post five years from now and roll her eyes?
What do you think your future self will be like?
10 comments
Love this! And it’s so true… 34 year old Kathy was very different and saw the world differently than 44 year old Kathy. Might have to do my own post reflecting on this. And how interesting that you are into birding now!
32 year old April was in the depths of dealing with IF and feeling defined by that single line. 42 year old April has embraced her life exactly as it is. I couldn’t imagine this 10 years ago. I can look back as see clearly how I got here, but getting here was unfathomable then.
I look back at past blog and facebook posts and sometimes roll my eyes. Haha!
This makes me happy! I am so interested in 50 year old Ana!
Due to recent health events in my life, I just hope that I am alive to *be* Sharon at age 58! But assuming I am, I don’t think I will really be much different than I am now, although you are right that there is no way to know for sure the changes that 10 years of life will bring.
Your post prompted me to look back at entries from this week on the personal blog I used to write 10 years ago. Honestly? Apart from the fact that I was going through infertility then vs. parenting now (which, admittedly, is a big change), I seem to be pretty much the same person. Many of the same thoughts and struggles.
I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad about how little I’ve changed in the past 10 years. . . .
I have no idea what my future self will be. It’s crazy to think about how different my life is now from ten years ago, though. 32 year old Beth ended the last decade having just received our official IF diagnosis and spent a lot of time melting down. 42 year old Beth is on the other side of that. What a difference 10 years make. My life barely resembles the only one. Who knows what is still to come?
This post is so simple and yet so thought-provoking at the same time. I love it. 30 year old Phoenix was recently married and excited about life and everything that was to come… 40 year old Phoenix is recently divorced… And excited about life and everything that is to come. Although, if it’s not already obvious, what I’m excited about now as opposed to then is vastly different. Then was good, but now is better. <3
Ha! I’m laughing, because the time between 45 and 50 is no time at all! 50-year-old Mali often said that 25-year-old Mali would have been horrified at my changed attitudes towards career and achievement. (Though she’d also have been proud at what I did achieve, I think.) Yet at 50, I was very comfortable with it.
I don’t really like to look ahead now, because it’s heading into older age! And I don’t want to turn into a certain type of elderly person. Though it’s a bit further out than a mere 5 years. Lol!
As you know, I love to time travel in this way. Look at how many new things you are willing and eager to learn!
For me, I think me +10 years will be lighter in terms of worry (think Loribeth), traveling to new places, maybe able to indulge more of my creative side.
Out of curiosity, I looked up my own posts from Dec 2009. I found an Answer Me This question I asked (and you commented on):
When you think of your life in your future, do you age? Or do you imagine yourself as you are now?
You answered: Oooh, that’s a really good question. The thing is, right now, I see myself as younger than I am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think that I just don’t look like myself. Sometimes, in the future, I have this incredible head of long grey curls.
So many old friends in that comment section (pay no attention to the datestamp; that was from my migration to WP.org). https://lavenderluz.com/answer-me-this-11-2/
Ten years ago I was still on a year-long adventure driving up Africa in a Land Rover. I had no idea I’d later fall in love with my travel companion, we’d struggle to have a family together or that I’d lose him suddenly just after our daughter turned four. Love, birth, death. So many big life events! I’m kinda hoping the next decade has less drama…