Nothing Is New

Carolyn Hax (I know I talk about her advice like preteens talk about pop bands) said the most profound, simple, applicable-to-everything thing this week: “Trust that humans go through this and humans get through this.”

She was writing about a divorce, giving advice to help the person through it. And that’s part of her advice among other thoughts such as taking things minute by minute rather than trying to think about the future or asking yourself what will help you heal.

But there was something so comforting in those words above because nothing is new. There is no one going through anything that another person hasn’t gone through before. Sure, small details may change. Someone had to be the first person who was publicly shamed on the Internet, but infamy is infamy and other people experienced it––widespread albeit offline––before that first person.

Which means there is always someone out there who has been through the pain you’re going though and may be able to help you navigate it simply by walking beside you. Does their presence negate your pain? Of course not. But it is easier to find your way through that pain when you know that you have someone to pause with you when you find yourself getting lost in your grief. Even better when you find a whole group of people who understand.

It’s not saying that your experience will be the same as someone else’s. Your end point out of that grief may look very different from someone else’s end point out of their grief from the same situation. It happens all the time in our community. But the point is that there is a through. That grief may never disappear, but it changes.

Passing along her words in case they give you comfort, too.