The Doll Mother
“At the school, she rarely experienced the feeling of being needed; she wanted that feeling, wanted the weight of responsibility.”
This article broke my heart because I could so deeply relate to Vivia despite the two of us leading very different lives. It’s the story of a woman with an intellectual disability whose only desire in life is to be a mother, but every path to parenthood seems closed to her. To place that enormous love somewhere, she got a realistic doll.
As she held the tiny body to her chest for the first time, Vivia felt a rush of maternal love. This was August 25, the day that would become her baby’s birthday. Vivia had never enjoyed being touched or hugged, but cuddling with the doll came easily.
The article goes on to talk about these realistic dolls:
The doll might help them grapple with an infertility diagnosis, a miscarriage, the death of a child, or an adult child leaving home. Although many women have benefited from Reborn dolls, the stigma around adult women playing with dolls remains exceptionally high … Because of the stigma, most Reborners treat their parenthood as a private, sometimes shameful affair. But Vivia wasn’t interested in keeping her relationship to Emma quiet. She was going to bring her doll into the public sphere.
And the line that made me cry: “Through Emma, I realized, Vivia was bringing her childlessness and disability into the open, and forcing strangers to confront it.”
It’s a beautiful, judgmental, realistic, and bittersweet article. It takes a while to read, but it’s worth the investment.
3 comments
I haven’t read the article yet, but man! While i was pregnant last year we bought a teddy bear once we found out we were having a boy, once we lost the baby i was terrified of holding the bear out fear of getting attached to the bear.
What an amazing story. I can understand her attachment to Emma. My mother was doll maker. She was also a talented artist who painted each baby doll’s china face quite realistically. Several years ago she sent me one of the baby dolls. She had crocheted a long “Baptismal Gown” for the doll to wear. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Shortly after receiving the doll I named her Ada after my maternal Grandmother. Anyway, one Saturday I decided to take Ada to our Belk’s Department store at the Mall to buy her a newborn outfit. I had one of those Umbrella Strollers that were popular in the 80s and 90s. It was perfect for her.
When the clerk discovered my “baby” was a doll she didn’t quite know how to react. She rolled her eyes and walked away in search of a customer with a real child. I decided two could play her game and Ada and I went to Babies Are Us. 🙂
Very much an article that was worth the read – thanks for pointing it out.
I think it’s linked to how society/culture often will make something a highly valued social status/item (in this case, parenthood, but can also be things like fashions, house, education, type of job, etc.) and then police the boundaries of what “counts” or who can attain it for “real”. There’s a lot of talk about if a person works hard enough or values it enough, anyone can have (fill in blank). But of course, that’s not the case in plenty of instances (including outright bans like sumptuary laws back in history). This is one of the first articles I’ve seen examining a pretty creative work-around to obtaining one of these social statuses as well as the responses that creates from the good to the very judgmental.
As much as I have to confess that if I saw one of these real dolls out in public, I’d probably do a bit of a veiled double take initially, I think this is lovely. I love that Vivia found an outlet for all that love and caring she has to give, and I think it’s great that she’s living her truth in spite of others’ reactions. I also think it’s a good moment to reexamine the constructs surrounding parenthood, disability, and infertility.