Making Your Dreams Come True
So I read this quote last week because it was at the top of the Skimm, not because I follow boxing. Andy Ruiz, Jr, won a heavyweight title. He’s the first person of Mexican descent to do that. And he said after he won: “This is what I have been dreaming about. This is what I have been working hard for, and I can’t believe I just made my dreams come true.”
I just made my dream come true.
I couldn’t stop thinking about his words because I was thinking about the role I played in making my dream come true, which was parenthood. I wanted to be a mother, and while I grew them (somewhat) to term (sort of), I didn’t make them. I mean, the doctor and his staff made them in the sense that they wouldn’t exist without their intervention, and science accomplished the rest. I may have played a very active role in raising them, but I played a pretty passive role in making them come true.
I need to think like that because if the opposite is true — if I actively made them — then I also actively lost all of their siblings. But I don’t think I really got a say in either case. I didn’t make them happen, and I didn’t make the other babies not happen. That was just my body acting independently from my will.
His words made me think about how powerful it is when you make your own dreams come true. When you know that it was your investment of time or energy or talent that led you to a moment. Or maybe it’s the size of the wish; when you didn’t really know whether or not you would be able to achieve it, and then suddenly the moment is here and you know and you acknowledge the very real otherwise.
Because that’s just it. The missing part of the story. I mean, I was happy for him, but I thought about all the other silent people behind his words. Yes, he made his dream come true, but what about all the people we don’t hear from because they didn’t get that moment? It’s so odd to think that there are all these silent people, other potential heavyweight champions, and we don’t know their names or their thoughts because we only hold up the person who is celebrating.
Behind everyone who achieves their dreams are a long line of people who didn’t get to tell us their thoughts. I guess I want to hear their thoughts because there is a lot to learn from the journey vs. focusing on that singular moment, that destination.
I’m not sure why his words affected me so much.
9 comments
I’m…stuck on how you think someone else made your dream come true. You may have outsourced part of the process, but that doesn’t give the credit to someone else. And by setting it up as body vs will…doesn’t that take away from the journey? Lots of parts of any journey are subject to chance. It’s like you’re glossing over the painful parts that make the story meatier.
I mean…I get where you’re going with this. Perseverance and recovery from having your dreams dashed are also very important.
It often grates on me a bit when people take total ownership of having made their dreams come true. I mean, it’s not to diminish or downplay the role of hard work, of showing up, of perseverance, because all of those things absolutely factor in and are important. But…those narratives so often leave out the breaks, the luck, the privilege, the other people that also played a role in the final outcome.
With infertility, I had the lucky breaks of having a single diagnosis (PCOS) without major complicating factors, getting good medical care, and having the socio-economic resources to pursue treatment. I personally rearranged my schedule (to the point of seeking out a new job), made the financial sacrifices, showed up for treatment, and made recommended lifestyle changes. The role of luck/other people/privilege doesn’t diminish the fact that conceiving was hard work on my part, but I also can’t say that my hard work was the only thing that made it possible.
I think what really bothers me about the idea of “I” made my dreams come true is that it implies that anyone can do (fill in the blank) if they work hard enough. And that’s simply untrue. I don’t have the coordination of a boxer. If I worked very, very hard, I could probably be competent (maybe), but I would not reach the level of a Ruiz. Reaching dreams is a complicated formula – hard work is definitely required, but it’s not the only thing in the mix.
I think the “I” here implies that the person has to take the steps toward there dreams. No they are likely not the only ones who played a part, but if they didn’t initiate and follow through, it wouldn’t have had a chance to happen.
Still processing your feelings about your dreams…so much of anything in life is chance…that doesn’t diminish your role or make you overly responsible for the losses. It’s just not black and white like that. In the same token…if you hadn’t gotten on the TTC train, pursued treatments, kept going after failure and loss, you wouldn’t have achieved your dreams. So there is ownership in that, and you deserve to own it.
Luck and chance are real.
But achievement is not totally random either. One opportunity leads to other opportunities. Make one thing better, more good things are likely to follow. At least you increase the odds. You can have exponential improvements over time.
I am not sure any of that applies to making babies however. My experience is that pregnancy is not exactly like anything else.
I would venture to say that hard work has a lot more to do with success in boxing than success in trying to conceive. Sure, good fortune and the right opportunities likely contributed to Ruiz’s success in some ways, but given the amount of hard work it took him to achieve his goal, I can totally understand why he said that.
The same could be said of many endeavors where hard work plays a big role in success. Things like earning an advanced degree, mastering a musical instrument, becoming an artist. All require a lot of hard work and some good fortune.
On the other hand, so much of conception (and parenthood generally, really) is outside our control. We can work as hard as humanly, but the determining factors — and thus the ultimate outcome — are not something we can greatly influence or control.
My dreams of motherhood have not come true yet but I have to say that when they do I won’t be able to say I made them come true. For me, that is true with any of my dreams, as hard as I work, as much time and dedication I put into my dreams, I know that they are not a solo mission. If I accomplish anything whether it’s weight loss, kids, owning properties or starting a blog, I cannot do it on my own.
I agree with a lot of what you wrote. But I also think there’s a degree of being a person who makes things happen, whether you loop other people in or not. True, I would not have my daughters without medical professionals and an adoption agency full of amazing people, but I also kept pushing and pushing until they happened. I realize that the outcomes could have been completely different, even with all of my effort, but they definitely wouldn’t be here at all without it.
I can see both sides…I mean if I hadn’t persisted, traveling out of state to go to the best clinic in the US, not giving up despite already being 5 years in and after two clinics, two m/c, and being over 40, 2nd clinic doctor telling us not to bother with my eggs…,we wouldn’t have these kids. At the time my salary wasn’t great and I taught adjunct for a while at night in addition to help pay (no insurance coverage)…yet I recognize for some people the cost is a complete bar. And I know that some people in my exact circumstances went to the same clinic and ended up empty handed. So yes I guess I’m proud I was stubborn and didn’t give up but I also know I got very lucky.
What each and everyone said. I was especially nodding my head with a. I too agree that, as much as doctors and others helped physically the embryo, you are the one that persevered. You kept going and that is a lot to accomplishing your goals. Luck and chance are all mixed into that too. torthuil’s last bit definitely hit home: I am not sure any of that applies to making babies however. My experience is that pregnancy is not exactly like anything else.