Stumbling into Money
This article was being passed around the internet last week, and I just got a chance to read it in full. It’s 15 brief interviews with people who came into a sum of money. Some of the payouts were enormous — a million, for example — and some were much smaller in the thousands. Some came from hard work and some came from strange luck. And it’s a really interesting read.
I found myself thinking whether I would have spent the money the same way or felt the same way about receiving the cash. Sometimes I just let the words wash over me:
A lot of the emotional work I’ve done is trying to distinguish myself from this money. We live in a culture that makes us personally identify with any money we have, and we believe our money is us and we are our money. It’s put a lot of work in my lap in terms of figuring out the responsible thing to do with it.
That was money from a trust fund. And another from someone who spent money while he was ill building a magazine that changed other people’s lives:
I was really proud to spend all this money. And had I not been so ill, I’m not sure I would’ve been so altruistic.
Or the MacArthur grant winner: “People don’t want to admit the price you pay for working.” Or the lawsuit winner:
It made me appreciate what a difference money given can make in someone’s circumstances. If someone gave me $10,000 right now, that would be great, but it would also be very different than being given $10,000 that early in my life, before I had loans, and before I was working, and before I had commitments. That $10,000 would go to bills now.
I think people are very reluctant to talk deeply about money, so an article like this feels like peeking into a window. I’m so grateful to the people who told their story for it.
5 comments
Thanks for sharing the link to this article; it was really interesting.
I related to the young woman who talked about the relative impact of $10,000 early in life vs. later in life. I only borrowed $13,000 for my entire undergraduate education, so obviously having that amount of money back in those days would’ve made a much bigger difference to me then, when I was earning less than $4/hour at a part-time job, than it would now, when I am a full-time practicing attorney.
Interesting. Especially the stories where people felt free to try/do something they wouldn’t have otherwise. Other than moving across the country for an ill-fated job (then moving back) over 20 years ago (and that wasn’t related to any monetary windfall), I’ve never really done anything like that. When I was young I had no money for such things (no parent paid “gap year” for me), then I was always pursuing something seriously (grad school on research stipend, starting out in new job, finding another job, etc.) Then it became saving for a house which turned into funding IVF. Then using/ saving all my leave for IVF and then maternity leave (since I got none other than what I had on the books). Not pursuing a job or fellowship, etc. in the field I went to law school for bc the pay was too low. Moving back to my hometown where my elderly father lived instead of locations where those low paying jobs I wanted might be. And so on. Now, for the past few years we’ve finally achieved comfort and we can save for college retirement etc. and afford vacations. But with two young children and a mortgage and all that saving we need to do, the money we now have doesn’t enable taking risks. I am of course very grateful for what we have. We live in a beautiful area on the California coast. But once in a while I get wistful that I was never able to pursue what I really, really wanted. (Well, I could have but I am just too “sensible” and the risks seemed too high.)
I once did a 30 day exercise where you start with $10, and each day you double it. ($20, $40, $80, etc). Each day you write down how you’d spend that day’s money. It doesn’t take much effort to spend in the early days, but by the end you’re really trying to get rid of a boat load of money. The exercise is supposed to help you feel how flow feels coming to you and from you. And help you figure out where your values are. Which is what some of these people seemed to be finding out.
My father gave me a trust fund when I could have used it (paying DH’s college debt or eating meat that first year of graduate school, for example), but I didn’t find out about it until we didn’t need it anymore. Mostly the money has been a periodic source of stress as we’ve had to pay taxes on it without having the actual use of it (long story).
Right now we’re in a situation in which I have decided we need to sell one of the trusts because the way it works it randomly sells itself and rebuys itself and I have to pay taxes on the capital gains (this year it was $7K!) When it does this, supposedly the cost-basis steps up, but with DC1’s lookback period for college financial aid coming up in 2 years, we’ve decided we don’t need that kind of uncertainty. But I don’t know what to *do* with it. It was easy just to pretend it didn’t exist other than the occasional large tax bill.
My previous plan had been to sell it to use it to pay for DH’s relatives’ kids’ college expenses, but so far none of them has made it through the second year of community college, so we’ve just cash-flowed what the Pell grant didn’t cover (mostly just textbooks). It doesn’t feel like my money, and my father has a history of attaching strings, and because it was set up as one of those 1980s hide the money from the government trusts, I can’t just give it back without triggering gift taxes (not to mention that he’s already upset that we wouldn’t accept other string-laden money from him).
I know a lot of people would be happy to have this problem, but it does trigger all sorts of feels.
Interesting read, thank you!
And “string-laden money” from nicoleandmaggie above is a nice term, and food for thought. (it makes me think I am not ready to pass on my money, if I am not ready to let go of the strings)
The inheritance/moneys I received feels indeed like it is not mine alone. It was saved in frugal ways, so I feel I can only use it in equally frugal/responsible ways. So indeed it was used for a house, (which I shared with roommates so made more money) which will have value for the next generation. So it stays in the family.
It is part of my culture/upbringing to not show the wealth. Also I wanted to prove I could support myself, so i took some risks in contracting/freelancing around the world (and was lucky to be in a time and industry where I was paid a ton of money to do what i am good at and like to do)
I’m still so frugal; I rather cycle 10k to work than spend 5 euros on metro tickets every day. I bring my lunch sandwich from home rather than spending 5 euros on stuff at work. I prefer second hand clothes. it took me almost 30 years to be able to pay 2+ euros for a cup of tea and still enjoy it (rather than thinking I could have brought my own tea in a thermos for 1/10th of the price)
Although, when I see the money choices my brother makes, I realise it is also a personal thing.