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737th Friday Blog Roundup

Carolyn Hax gave great advice this week to a person asking what to do for a friend after her baby was born still.  The person didn’t know if she should reach out because she hadn’t been formally told about the death.  Hax told her to stop waiting for an invitation to comfort her friend.

I guess what struck me is that — as humans — we seem to wait for an invitation to do good things, such as offer comfort after a loss, but we don’t wait for an invitation to do things like offer unsolicited advice.  Seriously.  How many times has someone inserted their opinion into your life?  But we’re reluctant to jump forward and send a condolence card to acknowledge a loss?  I rarely creep into the comments, but I appreciated this one by Cinnamon Owl: “If you’d heard her husband had died but they hadn’t made a public announcement yet, would you never refer to the death?”

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ is still processing the shooting in the mosque in New Zealand a few weeks ago, and she passes along her Prime Minister’s wise words, which are applicable in so many moments in life.  She explains, “Too often our society doesn’t allow us to grieve – especially when our losses are invisible – and so we have to remind each other that it is okay to grieve, and to ask for help.”  It is a gorgeous post, giving comfort.

The Uterus Monologues has a guest post about staying sane when you’re in crisis mode over a long period of time.  Her poster explains self-compassion: “If you have a friend who was struggling, your response to that person would most probably be along the lines of ‘I am sorry to hear that, it’s OK, I am here if you need me’. Self-compassion is about being able to say that to yourself.”  Such an important skill to practice daily.

Lastly, My Path to Mommyhood has a post about needing to explain that living child-free isn’t a temporary decision.  I love this post for this wonderful summary of a happy life: “Why is it that EVERYONE ELSE has far more difficulty with my childlessness than I do with my childfree status? I mean, it’s sad that we wanted it and it didn’t happen. It’s sad that we fought for so long and at such a great cost that we had to end our own journey. But it can’t STAY sad. My life is NOT sad.”  It made me want to stand up and cheer.

The roundup to the Roundup: Don’t wait to give comfort.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 22nd and 29th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

4 comments

1 loribeth { 03.29.19 at 12:05 pm }

I am so glad you included Jess’s wonderful post — it made me want to stand up & cheer too 🙂 and I had it flagged as “second helpings” choice for this week.

My other nomination for this week is this post by An Unexpected Family Outing. By now we’ve probably all seen the photo of the 8 labour & delivery nurses from the same hospital who are all pregnant together (!). Rachel asks the question too few people consider: who is missing from the photo?

https://unexpectedfamilyouting.com/2019/03/29/i-saw-the-photo-of-the-8-pregnant-nurses-and-it-made-me-wonder-who-is-missing-from-the-picture/

2 Working mom of 2 { 03.29.19 at 7:06 pm }

I used to feel lame signing condolence cards that went around the office and sending them—like how can this card make up for someone’s loss. Then when my dad died, each card I got meant so much to me, surprisingly (as did comments on his online obit). So now I’m much more likely to send one. Ex: son of a local doctor I saw a few times several years ago (and who I don’t know at all outside those appts) died in a tragic accident recently and it was widely reported on. You can bet I sent a card, where in the past I would have thought “why bother, it won’t help, he won’t even remember me.”

3 Mali { 03.30.19 at 12:38 am }

Thanks so much for noting my post. I love yours too! Especially the phrasing of “stop waiting for an invitation to comfort your friend.” You’re right – we do that too often.

4 Lori Lavender Luz { 03.30.19 at 3:27 pm }

On a similar note, in a Facebook group this week, someone wanted to know how to help a friend who was enduring a miscarriage at 6 weeks, when there was not a lot of emotional attachment (according to the friend). People answered back sweetly about abiding with her and not using any platitudes (“you can try again soon,” or “this must be God’s plan”). But it got me about not having emotional attachment at 6 weeks.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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