When Are You Old?
There is a great quote by the writer Lydia Davis:
I had reached a juncture in my reading life that is familiar to those who have been there: in the allotted time left to me on earth, should I read more and more new books, or should I cease with that vain consumption—vain because it is endless—and begin to reread those books that had given me the intensest pleasure in my past.
Explore or exploit. To find the new or to dive deeply into the things you already know you like. The answer is mathematical: explore when you have a lot of time ahead of you and exploit when you have limited time left. So explore in childhood, exploit in old age. Explore your first year of college, exploit in your last few months before graduation.
It’s easy to know which way you should go when you know exactly when something is going to be over. But what if you don’t know how long you’ll live? When does old age begin if you have no clue if you have three days or three months or three years or three decades left? When should you switch over and start becoming pickier, spending time only with what will make you happy rather than giving your time over to find things that could make you happy?
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The ChickieNob was telling a story about an “old man” who turned out to be in his 40s. “I’m in my 40s,” I told her. “That means you think I’m old.”
“But you are old,” she reminded me from her 14-year-old point-of-view.
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Josh and I were driving, trying to guess a person’s age that we just met. “He’s in his mid-to-late sixties,” I guessed.
“I couldn’t get a read at all. He may have been in his fifties.” We were trying to figure out if this person may be nearing retirement age. Josh shrugged, “Sixty sounds really young to me right now.”
Me too.
9 comments
I keep…being surprised that I’m about to turn 50. I don’t feel old, though I know, objectively, that I kind of am old. Regardless, it was probably 8-10 years ago that I stopped feeling obligated to finish books that I’d started. Now, I just read if I’m interested or enjoying the book. I used to reread stuff a lot, but now I’m more in explore mode. Guess that means it’s time to get rid of all those old books I have sitting around!
Anyway, the act of reading makes me happy, so what I’m reading is sort of secondary to that. The actual book or article might add to that happiness more than some other book or article, but I’m happy to read either way.
Oh man, I am SO bad at guessing people’s age…moreso people who are older than me or around my age. It’s easy to figure out younger people, but there are people who I swear look “old” to me that end up being near my age.
I was probably in my late 20s/early 30s when I really stopped doing things if they weren’t enjoyable to me. Each year older I have gotten, I have more narrowed things down, including people who didn’t fit my life anymore or made me happy, and I definitely waste less time on TV or books or events that I don’t/won’t completely enjoy and really just cut my losses. The older I get the more I realize my time is better spent by the things I love, and anything else doesn’t really matter in the end.
Since I’m not a rereading kind of person I can stay young and exploring forever….(by the definition above)
While 6 year Suzy has no problem pointing out I am old with a big belly she did also ask me what I wanted to be later (when I’m old). We then daydreamed we would want to join the mounted police. Or become doctors. Or be vets. For the mounted police 😉
“Old” is a moving target. As I age, it advances.
Ha ha. At 50 I sometimes read an article where someone’s age is given (like People Magazine) and if it’s late 40s or early 50s I’ll think old in my head and then remember oh yeah I’m 50, oops.
But for the love of chocolate people, you should not assume and if you feel the need to open your big fat mouth, err on the low side! (Said by someone who has been asked too many times (once is too many but it’s been way more) whether my kids are my grandkids or the latest (at hospital for blood draw) what my “relationship to the patient” is. I don’t look THAT old people!)
I still feel like I’m in my 20’s…and I’m now in my 40’s….raising a 2 yr old. So, I’m obviously around a lot of younger Moms. I do feel weird saying my age (41) to most of them who are in their mid-late 20’s. Not sure why other than judgement? I used to think that 40 was old..at 16…but now…it’s not. And frankly, age is a privilege. Unfortunately, I’ve known too many people who have passed away too young. Every, single, day I am thankful that my time has not come to an end. Morbid, I suppose to think that way…but is it really? Or is it just a different way of appreciating time?
I wrote a post about planning for a childless old age, and distinguished between a youthful old age, a middle old age and an old old age. So I’m not old yet, but in five or ten years my husband and I will be close to being a “young old age.” That’s because, although I’m like Lori “old” is a moving target at the moment, I can’t help but recognise that one day old age catches up with us. If we’re lucky enough to get there!
As for reading, I don’t think it has to be one or the other. I try to read a variety of books, because that is important to me. But increasingly I know I need to read something that I enjoy, simply to finish it. So if that means rereading, I’m all in favour of that too.
… students don’t get my jokes anymore
I agree with Lori that “old” is a moving target. Sixty sounds pretty young to me, particularly since I’m almost there myself (cough cough). I think of my great-aunt, in her 80s, telling my mother, “You know, there’s still a young person inside this old body.” My knees sometimes feel every bit of 58, but put on an album from my youth & I am right back in my 20s again. 🙂