The Welcome Table: An Annual Online Thanksgiving Meal
[Melissa stands up, taps her fork against her glass, and clears her throat. The conversation around the table dies down. She looks at everyone at the table.]
We do this every year: Come together as a community and have a virtual meal before we scatter to our actual meals. Unless, that is, you do not celebrate Thanksgiving. But I hope that you’ll join the table for virtual food and company even if you don’t follow this tradition offline.
We’ve virtually eaten together since 2009. That’s when this tradition began. There are some people hurting at this table. For some people, this pre-meal is what gets them through their real meal later in the week. People have written that they’ve printed out this yearly post and comments and left the paper in their purse because it helped to have a tangible reminder that there were people out there who got it. Who weren’t going to ask them when they were going to hurry up and have children. Who weren’t going to cringe when someone spoke the name of a child they lost.
We are all so different. All of us. Around this table. But we have this one facet of our lives — and yes, even though it may be a big, overpowering one for you right now, it is only one facet of who you are — where we overlap: infertility or adoption or loss. And I am so thankful, so grateful, that I found all of you. Everyone needs a You-shaped space where they can be themselves. And that’s what I have here.
So every year, I ask people to bring a virtual dish to our meal. Place it in the comment section, explaining what you brought and why. And say anything else you need to say before sitting back down to enjoy the company. Update about where you are; your emotional state.
We’re an international group, hailing from countries all around the world. So while Thanksgiving is an American tradition, I hope that everyone around the world feels as if they can participate. (Especially our Canadian neighbours who celebrated Thanksgiving weeks ago.) I’d love for your dish to come from your culture or country. Don’t worry about the contents on the table clashing.
I am bringing stuffing. It’s comfort food; mushy and soggy and warm.
So what did you bring and what do you want to say to the community?
And please, start eating as everyone is introducing their dish. We don’t want the food to get cold and there are so many of us at this table. Thank you so much for coming, and I’m going to carry the warmth of this meal with me for the rest of this week.
11 comments
Hot apple and cinnamon crumble here, a British treat for these cold dark days. I am thankful for Mel, and the impulse that led her to create an enduring community of support. At a time in my life when most people around me didn’t know how to help.
Thank you Mel. Your safe space received many tears from me. I still read every post and am grateful for this virtual world of love and understanding when we need it most.
Here I am, lugging a big roasting pan full of perogies, which an 89-year-old lady (!!) has made for my dad these past 30+ years, special order, just the way he likes them (cabbage rolls too!). Also some sour cream to serve with them. 😉
While November has never been my favourite month — my daughter would be turning 20 (!!) right about now — I am mostly in a pretty good place these days, thanks to the support I’ve received over the years from pretty amazing women — including many I first connected with right here. Thank you (again), Mel, for all you do for us. xoxoxo
Apple pie. I make really delicious apple pie – filled with cinnamon and 3 kids of apples – and it’s comforting and easy.
My girls are sick this year so I’m hoping they will be well enough to go to dinner with the family. They just have bad colds though, so even if they’re not I’m feeling ok with hunkering down at home and playing games, reading books, maybe watching a movie.
I’m feeling really, really lucky to have them both and sending love to everyone still waiting and hoping.
Given the recent largesse of my sister, I could bring avocados. Avocado dip, anyone? Otherwise, I might bring an orange and almond cake.
This November I’m in a state of limbo. It may be that we’re coming to the end of the care-giving that has restricted our lives for the last five-ten years (or more). I’m both grateful for that, and a little hesitant about what’s next.
But in the meantime, there’s blogging, and I’m hoping to pay more attention to that next year. I’m grateful for those who have stuck by me and others who are without children, and for your inclusion of us in this community.
What a feast. Yummy avocados and pierogies and crumble and pie.
I do sweet potatoes. Real ones, sauteed and sauteed in butter with brown sugar (not too much). No marshmallows.
I say, “Hey. What a privilege to see you all here for the 10th time in 9 years. Peace to you all.”
And thanks for the venue, Mel.
I would bring the corn casserole. It’s one of my favorite treats.
I’m doing bad right now. I’m struggling. It’s cold now and my family is kind of falling apart. I’m missing my daughter so badly and I’m struggling to really blog and blog well. I’m at a weird stuck place and I don’t know how to dig myself out of it
Just this afternoon I text my sister “Can I bring guacamole to the Thanksgiving dinner?” It isn’t traditionally a part of our Thanksgiving meal, but I wasn’t feeling settled on anything else. There will be plenty of the traditional fare for all. So, guacamole it is!
The holidays are hard for my kiddos. We usually grind through them in one piece, grateful to be on the other side. This year is no different. I try to just stay in the present as best I can and enjoy any and all small victories. Plus, know when it’s time to pull up anchor and get out of Dodge! (Meaning, when the behaviors get manic, we leave).
Sorry, Beth, but I’m going to bring apple pie too. There’s always room for more apple pie. Specifically, my apple cider pie with vodka pie crust. You boil that cider down until it’s thick and syrupy, and the resulting pie just oozes with juiciness and plenty. For our purposes, too, it’s symbolic: conventional on the surface, but with hidden depths and richness and a touch of spice (Vietnamese cinnamon, mace) plus secrets (the vodka in the pie crust evaporates but leaves the crust airy and flaky).
It’s the first Thanksgiving since my beloved mother-in-law died, and all the branches are hunkering down in their own houses to avoid the empty chair. So, my four-person family has a full slate of movies and plans for a brunch of chocolate chip pancakes and dinner of spinach lasagna. (Honestly: We really don’t like Thanksgiving dinner, though I don’t mind it when someone else makes it.) I even have a new 1000-piece puzzle to keep me busy.
Melissa, I love your silverware. The design is sort of art deco and organic. Where in the world did you get it?
Bringing 2 items this year: green bean casserole and pumpkin mousse. Green bean casserole is part of my midwestern roots and a guilty pleasure; the pumpkin mousse is a twist on a classic that Gray and I have been experimenting with.
This year is a odd one. So much to be thankful for, but so much hard still, all whipped up with uncertainty. I’m glad to have had alternative plans that involved focusing on what feeds the soul vs doing the family obligation visit. Thinking of so many who are in the hard.
I’ll bring more stuffing, (plus the gravy) can you ever have too much? It’s my favorite thanksgiving side and I almost had a fight with my husband this year because he didn’t buy enough ingredients for it. It also reheats well, so leftovers are a bonus. I’m doing okay this year. I have everything I have always wanted, but sometimes find myself wanting more. More security, more certainty, more safety. Sometimes I think I will never be fully satisfied with my life. I’m finding satisfaction in the moments between uncertainty, fear and irritability. Mindfulness helps, as well as naming things I am grateful for. I am also grateful for Mel, thanks for keeping up this space, you are awesome.
So I am terribly late to dinner but I made it! Can’t wait for Mali’s guacamole and some stuffing and apple pie! My favorites!
I am bringing sweet potato pie, because I only more recently discovered it and it’s even better than pumpkin. I am also bringing some sparkling cider that we could sit by the fire and toast with. It’s fizzy and sweet and a delicious end to a great meal.
I really identify with what Candice said about feeling like never being fully satisfied with life. I feel like I am in a transition phase of life, and I feel sort of jumpy in my own skin. It’s strange, and I am so thankful to have this space and the friendships here. Thanks Mel!