Taking Back Waiting
There is nothing good about the two week wait. It’s Schrödinger’s pregnancy; you are and you aren’t, and waiting to know is agony.
I think that interaction with waiting created other negative feelings about waiting that have bled into the rest of my life. I’m not a big fan of inaction. I want to do things now. I want to know answers now. I tend to address things and take care of things immediately. I do not like to waste time.
Tiny Buddha had an essay about the power of waiting that begins with this thought, “Waiting has a bad rap in modern Western society.” We’re more seize the day, “gather ye rosebuds while ye may” sorts of people.
The author states: “I really didn’t know much about waiting. I thought it was something you did if you didn’t have courage or conviction. It was just an excuse not to take action. I know better now … The mind hates uncertainty, and would rather make a mistake than simply live in a state of ‘not knowing’ while the right course unfolds.”
It’s a hard concept to wrap your brain around; waiting instead of doing. Believing that it’s okay to hold back; that you’ll end up where you want to if you do. It is the exact opposite of what is ingrained through infertility: Start now. Continue even if you’re exhausted. Time is of the essence.
And maybe some of that is true with family building. Time isn’t your friend. But holding onto that idea and bringing it into the rest of my life maybe isn’t the best course of action. This essay gave me a lot of food for thought.
Do you think the two week wait influenced your relationship with waiting?
6 comments
I’m like you in regards to waiting. I really struggle with sitting back and watching things unfold as it makes me feel completely powerless. Hence why the 2 week waits were so torturous.
But some of the things I admire the most about people I consider influential or inspiring is that many of them are thoughtful. They take a moment to assess a conversation or situation, quietly contemplating what is in front of them, prior to adding their thoughts to a situation. This is something I struggle to do as I’m either all in or completely out. Learning to wait is a goal.
I’m not sure the TWW has impacted my perspective on waiting. Twenty years of knowing my spouse, who is a consummate procrastinator, has done so. I have been amazed over the years how many things, things that appeared to be fires that needed urgent attention, simply resolved themselves even though nothing was done. That’s certainly not the case with everything, and in some cases sh*t burned to the ground due to procrastination. Still, it’s taught me the value of waiting.
I think the TWW has taught me humility. That no matter what I do, I can not make time move faster. As a former Type-A, that’s been a hard lesson.
Hmm, I don’t know that the 2WW influenced my relationship with waiting. I’ve always hated waiting, and I still hate it. I’ve often said that I prefer a definite “no” to uncertainty.
Interesting question. I do not like waiting, but I had a sort of epiphany in my mid 20s that even if I hadn’t achieved all my goals, even if I wasn’t entirely happy, I could still be content and enjoy what the present had to offer. That was a huge breakthrough. Also realizing just how bloody unreasonable and illogical I actually am. (Although all my adult life I’ve been told I’m calm and logical.) Those things helped with 2 week waits, although it was a different challenge. Of course in my case they rarely lasted two whole weeks.
I definitely believe that the two week wait and the whole infertility and adoption experience made me struggle hard with uncertainty, even though it was all uncertainty. I love what Tiny Buddha says about the mind preferring to make a mistake rather than wait for the right course to unfold, because I feel like I’ve seen that in my own life. Fear of uncertainty ruled lots of decisions. Difficulties infertility put on scheduling has bled into my life — when we can’t plan things in advance like vacations because of Bryce’s PhD schedule I get twitchy, because it reminds me of being in that in-between place that was so awful. But I like this idea of waiting being okay, being healthy, being a way to stop and pause and reevaluate and not jump into things because it’s more comfortable to do so. Maybe re-acquainting myself with waiting wouldn’t be a bad thing.
I’m not sure whether infertility & the 2WW had an impact on my feelings about waiting generally. I know I have a lot more patience than dh, & I am pretty confident I could pass the marshmallow test. 😉 But I do know that I love the idea of “Schroedinger’s pregnancy”…!!