Fight, Flight, or Freeze
We went to the beach. The first day was perfect. Blue skies, no clouds despite a weather report that promised rain, constant breeze to keep the beach from getting too warm. We read books and napped in the sun. It was really perfect.
The second day was grey and overcast. It drizzled on and off, drops here and there that made you wonder if you should continue to sit or make a run for the car. But we were trying to stick it out and end on a high note when a group set up next to us.
As in, right next to us. On an enormous, semi-empty beach, they set up a few feet away. There were seven people, all in their mid-twenties. The first thing I noticed were the Trump bumper stickers covering their cooler. Then I saw the speaker they brought for blasting music on the quiet beach. Then the stockpile of alcohol they brought to the alcohol-free beach. The anti-gun control t-shirts. And finally, when one took off his t-shirt, the neo-Nazi tattoo.
Josh and I looked at each other, and then I stood up and started packing our things, telling the kids that we were getting going. It was an hour before we were planning on leaving, but it’s almost as if our minds all arrived in the same place at the same time. We didn’t talk about it until we got in the car.
We did the right thing for ourselves in the moment, though we talked through the rest of the options in the car. We could have ignored the group. We could have confronted the group. We could have moved down the beach. But something told us to get out of there. Call it Gavin de Becker’s “gift of fear,” but something in our subconscious told us to take our kids and go. So I have zero regrets over leaving the beach.
But I’m curious over what others would have done. You?
13 comments
My instinct is usually to fight…but when it comes to my kids being directly involved or witnessing something, it’s to flee. Take them out of the situation. You did the right thing.
I’d have definitely done the same with kids. And even just the two of us, I’d have grumbled to my husband and passive-aggressively glared at them and sighed loudly, but I’d be getting the hell out of there. ESPECIALLY in the US. Actually, in the US I think I’d have skipped the passive-aggressive drama too.
Glad the other days were good though.
I would have left. I am not a fighter. I am not good at conflict.
Then I would have spent a sleepless night thinking of what I *should* have done or said.
So sorry you had to experience this. So sorry you had to leave the beach. It feels like such an injustice – they were the ones who were breaking the rules, yet you had to leave… Perhaps they all got swept into the sea by a rouge wave.
Given everything else, that would have been the proverbial last straw. I’d have packed up my stuff and left…while calling whoever patrols the beach to let them know that some miscreants were out violating the beach rules. 🙂
Had it been a day where I wasn’t considering leaving already…I would have just ignored them until it became impossible. Then I would have passive-aggressively thanked them for ruining my day (in a moderately loud manner, but not directly to them) as I packed up my stuff and left.
Sorry that was the end to your beach trip…I don’t know what’s wrong with people.
Ugh. Would have done same.
In my lifetime I’ve never experienced actual fear like this before t*rump. In the past I’d have been annoyed by T-shirts stickers politics etc I didn’t agree with but these days there are actual bases for real fear. And I’m freaking white.
Definitely leave. No question.
I doubt I’d have done anything different, except maybe called the park police to report that a group was drinking heavily. But hey, I’m passive aggressive like that!
Alcohol, anti-gun control T-shirts & neo-Nazi tattoos… what could go wrong??
Personally, I wouldn’t have wanted to stay to find out either. I am totally confrontation-averse. But I am sorry your day at the beach ended sooner than you had planned.
I would have a million percent done the same! Sounds brutal! I echo Loribeth’s sentiment… hmmm… what could go wrong??? Yikes!
Holy!!! I would have done exactly what you did. This group was itching for a fight (why set up a few feet away from another group on an otherwise empty beach otherwise?) and nothing good would have come from that interaction.
At least you had all that happened before that incident. My hope is that very soon, episodes like this will completely be a thing of the past
I’m not sure. I’d probably have left. Had I wanted to stay (had I not been “sticking it out” as you describe), I might have picked up my stuff and moved down the beach away from them. Had I left as you did, I think I’d definitely have called the authorities to alert them to the alcohol, if nothing else. I might have commented on leaving because I was afraid of and wanted to avoid a confrontation in front of my kids and then added that I nonetheless was concerned about the safety of these young people because … what if they get drunk and go in the ocean and … , and that I really hoped someone would check on them (i.e. not define it as a law enforcement issue but still get someone out there to check on them and, hopefully, get them evicted, even though I framed the issue differently in my call. And yes, I am passive aggressive like that…).
My children are black. There is no way we would have stayed next to them. If we wanted to stay on the beach we would have moved away from them, but if we were done we would have just left. My children are little and don’t understand things, so once we were safe, we would have been talking about why we left. If I were alone, it might be a different story, but with my kids I don’t mess around. Their safety is more important than duking it out with a bunch of half-wits.
Same as you. With a dash of A (tip off the authorities to the flagrant rule-breaking).
Ugh. Just ugh.