An Ode to Resting
This is what I’ve been thinking about.
Resting isn’t doing nothing. Resting is work. Have you ever tried to meditate? Then you know how difficult it is to not think. Have you ever struggled to fall asleep? Then you know how hard it can be to relax and let go. Resting is a skill, and some people don’t have it.
That’s because resting is personal. What relaxes or recharges me might not be what relaxes or recharges you. And there’s little guidance out there to help people find what helps them to unwind. There’s no What Colour is Your Parachute for relaxation. (Or is there? I couldn’t find one.)
Finding what help you unwind is as difficult as finding a career you love. Because career love doesn’t happen for everyone. Some people love their career and other people do their job. Both situations earn you a paycheck, but one route is a lot more fulfilling.
The same thing happens with relaxation. Some people have a clear relaxation plan; activities that allow them to recharge and give them the fuel to power through work time. And other people circle the standards — the things we’re told are relaxing such as going to a spa or the beach or watching television — waiting for the relaxation we’re promised to come. And when it doesn’t happen, or it’s short-lived, we point at external reasons — such as a vacation not being long enough — rather than look at whether the activity itself was a poor fit or not explored in full.
What recharges you?
I’ve been thinking about this because I reconnected with an old friend and he told me about his work situation: a few hours of intense, daily work followed by hours to pursue his own interests. It’s easier to figure out what recharges you when you have the time to figure it out.
Then a week or two ago, the Washington Post had an opinion piece on how we’ve lost sight of the importance of rest, elevating the narrative of hard work and turning work into a mirror for burnout. The title says it all: “America is obsessed with the virtue of work. What about the virtue of rest?”
What about the virtue of rest?
And do you actually have a game plan, a relaxation career? Or are you doing what you think might relax you without a clear plan in place?
9 comments
Yoga at night recharges me but forcing myself to do it is a battle. Watching tv helps me let go by being a mindless distraction. Going to the spa does not relax me. It never has.
It’s very hard work to rest in my house – I’m surrounded by people who are virtually incapable of rest. They want to be doing SOMETHING all the time. I need a lot of winding down time, though, so I have to put up with a lot of snide remarks and requests for help (because I’m not doing anything) from the peanut gallery. When someone asks me what I’m doing, I’m going to have to change my stock answer of “nothing” to “relaxing – leave me alone!”
Knitting relaxes me. I think it takes the part of my brain that can’t turn off and channels it into counting stitches so the rest of me can relax and de-stress.
Totally right – rest is personal. And hard. I get a charge by doing something DIFFERENT – singing, or training for a different kind of race – but then I still run the risk of burning out because none of that is restful. I’ve found over the years that a half day or day retreat at a meditation or yoga center is restful. An early bedtime one night is restful. Puttering around my kitchen on a weekend morning when my boys are out is restful. Going to church is restful. Even taking 5 minutes to listen to a piece of classical music I really like while drinking tea is restful. I have to steal time for myself daily, though, in order to not feel stretched thin and overcommitted. It’s hard.
This is a tough one- In my youth I found golf both satisfying and relaxing. It was just for *me* But, I haven’t been able to play in 20 years. On those rare occasions I sleep really well I dream about it and it’s glorious. But, overall I’m not good at just relaxing.
Hmm, interesting question. I have been working at mediation for a few years now, and I am getting better at it. I do find that it helps my stress levels when I do it consistently.
My “go to” relaxation techniques are reading and playing games on my iPhone. I question how effect the latter is, but I still do it.
I have lots of trouble resting/relaxing. Its always, for me, the thing I can only do when everything else is done. Which happens approximately never, right?
My yoga practice has reinforced in me the interplay between effort and ease. I think I was more work-y in my younger, post-college years, when I was going to conquer my world and climb the ladder. I do build in rest times now, though it’s not always easy to relax or let go.
There seems to be such competition NOT to rest – to be the busiest, or the ones who get or need the least sleep. You’re right, relaxing is an art. Recognising that we need to relax, and that we won’t be productive when it is necessary if we don’t, is the first step.
I know I need to get decent sleep, and I need to relax, so I do – with books, TV, or a walk outside (which gets me exercise as well) or if time is really short and I need to bring anxiety levels down, then meditation definitely helps. Even five minutes with Calm is useful. I’m thinking I need to do that before tomorrow!