Too Soon

So you may have noticed that I’ve been trying out a bunch of self-improvement things — decluttering, meditation, productivity tricks.  There were a bunch of popular self-improvement books on sale in January, AND I’m doing research for a project.  Anyway, I’ve started noticing that each source of advice comes with a caveat that the advice will only work if I stick with it long enough.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

But first, a case in point: meditation.  I’ve now tried several dozen meditation apps INCLUDING meditating in VR.

[Sidenote: Can we pause for a moment to talk about that?  It’s divine.  You put on the headset and you feel like you’re sitting on a beach.  You can look behind you and see an expanse of sand.  You can look in front of you and see gently lapping waves.  And then you sit there for a half hour while a voice gently talks you through meditation while you stare at the ocean.  It is amazing.  I want to cry the whole time I’m doing it, which negates the whole meditation thing.  But still.]

[A side note to THAT side note: The Wolvog sent me on a VR adventure in Bora Bora.  I felt like I was standing in one of those bungalows over the water.  I could look around the room; walk over to the deck and peer into the crystal clear water.  It was amazing.  I cried with that, too.  I get a little overwhelmed when he sets up VR experiences for me and get his headset smeary.]

Anyway.  Back to the point.

Every single meditation apps comes with a caveat.  It will take time to get into it.  How long?  They never say because it will be different for each individual.  But the message is that it WILL work if I stick with it.  It may take days or it make take months, but as long as I don’t drop the practice, my mind will one day embrace meditation.

I am totally on board with the idea that things take time.  Learning a new skill takes time.  And I can even accept that meditation is a learnable skill.  But I start pushing back whenever the “stick with it” clause gets mentioned because I’ve experience too many areas of life where I can dedicate myself to a task fully and still not reach the outcome I want.  When I hear that clause, it brings out this contrarian side to my personality that developed during infertility and now comes out to play whenever I hear that something applies to everyone.  Or all.  Or anyone.

No.

I want an app that say, “You may be able to learn meditation, but you may not.  And it’s not because you didn’t try or stick with it long enough.  It just may not work for you, and that’s okay, too.  Find something else.”

THAT is what this contrarian needs.

And at the same time, I’m really bummed by this residue from infertility.  Infertility changes your personality in strange ways; some obviously connected to the experience and others that take a twisting path.  That you don’t realize until you realize it.  And it was a sad day when I realized that the experience brings out this contrarian side, too.