Positive, Important, Frustrating
Modern Mrs. Darcy mentioned in her last newsletter a practice that she has been doing where she writes down one positive moment, one important moment, and one frustrating moment from every day. She goes on to admit that seeing all the frustrating moments in her own handwriting was a bit demoralizing at first, but she turned it around and now uses those moments as a motivator.
I write down one sentence per day in my bullet journal, focusing on whatever feels like it defined my day. Sometimes nothing particularly memorable happens during the day, but most of the time I can point out something I was worried about or thinking about even if nothing momentous occurred.
That bullet journal daily sentence would count for the important. Sometimes it’s positive — usually it’s positive — but sometimes it’s negative. If there are two defining moments in a day — one positive and one negative — I try to record the positive one because I want to look back on my year fondly. I know there are negative moments in there, too — like March 14, 2017 (“Snowstorm made us lose our Yayoi Kusama tickets”) — but I want to flip back through the months and feel like it’s a fun exercise and not a painful reminder.
Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s research led her to an important ratio — 3:1. Three positive thoughts counterbalance one negative thought. So one positive and one negative and one either positive or negative (since “important” can be either) means that the negatives loom large. You’d need three positive and one negative to have the two sides balance out in your brain.
It’s important to learn from mistakes. It’s important to apologize and understand what you did wrong so you don’t do it again. But I can’t see how it would be helpful to dwell on one of my boneheaded daily moves. I’m not sure if I would see it as a motivator. I think if I wrote it down daily it would become proof of my negative qualities vs. a spark pulling me away from them.
This is one improvement practice I’m going to have to skip trying.
What do you think? Would you find listing frustrating moments motivating?
5 comments
Not precisely motivating, but…good evidence of how ridiculous things can be? Like.. was I really all worked up about something that small and silly? Or, how frustrating that was! But, in retrospect, kind of hilarious… It can be vindicating too – I TOLD everyone that wouldn’t turn out well, and did they listen? No. Now look at how it turned out! I was so right.
Also, if you don’t pay attention to the negatives, you may never be able to notice a pattern of behavior that could be changed. So if you want to call that a motivator, I suppose it’s accurate.
Also, when you look back on your notes may have a major effect on how you perceive what you’re writing about. If you’re going to review your failures regularly, it will clearly bring you down. But if you get some distance, you can get a better idea of context and perhaps find that motivation or the ability to laugh at yourself or the vindication.
Of course, I don’t do this kind of thing, so my opinion is probably not that useful.
I keep a five-year journal and I have to consciously think about how I want to record the day. Like if E was having a super rough time and we clashed all day and I felt exhausted and miserable, is that what I want to remember later? Sometimes I do write down the negative, but other times I let it go.
Cool idea. Sometimes I think it helps to write out frustrating moments as it helps me to realize how silly a lot of the things that frustrate me are.
Hmmm. I like the gratitude list I keep in my bullet journal (one thing per day), but I think keeping a Gripe List would not be productive or motivating to me. I loved what you said about three positive thoughts combating one negative thought, and so having a Rose, Thorn, Bud kind of list going wouldn’t necessarily help keep the mindset going in a better direction. I mark when crappy things happen if they are particularly memorable but I think consciously making a list of things for each day would be exhausting.
I have to admit, I get a certain feeling of release when I gripe about whatever is bugging me on my blog or to friends on a private forum I’ve been on forever… I write it down and the simple act of venting on paper/online makes me feel better. But to consciously look for something negative to write down every day… I’m not sure that would be helpful.