Infertility Rituals
Last week was Infertility Awareness Shabbat. I didn’t know until after it happened, so I’m not sure if my shul did anything. We were in Philadelphia, having a different sort of religious experience at the Leonard Bernstein exhibit followed by a performance of Swan Lake.
It’s a wonderful idea in any case, and one that can be repeated at any time, in any congregation, in any religion:
We are asking synagogues to partner with Yesh Tikva and share a message or Dvar Torah to increase sensitivity toward all who have not yet been blessed with children or struggle to expand their families.
So many services across religious lines have to do with asking people to be fruitful and multiply, so balancing that with a message of comfort for all the people who haven’t been able to build their family (or build it the way/size they would like) would go a long way in assuaging raw feelings.
I only found out about Infertility Awareness Shabbat because Josh sent me an article from the Forward about a guide being distributed through shuls about infertility and the mikveh. I’ve written about the mikveh before — it’s a ritual bath that you take a week after your period ends.
I opt not to go once a month, though I did go after one miscarriage. It is sobering to think about how many tears are in that water; that statistically 12.5% of women entering that pool are doing so with a heavy heart. So the fact that it is being recognized and that ritual is being created to acknowledge infertility and loss is a step in the right direction.
We have to recognize that pain as a community, and the booklet is really trying to give a framework for recognizing, mourning, finding closure, and also just to say we’re with you.
That something that could be isolating can be reclaimed through the simple act of acknowledgment. Of letting people know that they’re not alone; not forgotten.
7 comments
I love this so much. “Just to say we’re with you” is such a lovely phrase. I am Catholic so I’m supposed to have 7-8 children by now… and my church is not welcoming of my use of IVF… yet I continue to go because I know there are so many of us out there, feeling excluded, and I want to be able to extend this sentiment. I want to be the one who can say “I’m here with you.” Because really that’s the least we can do for each other.
It’s wonderful to see that religious institutions are finally acknowledging infertility and loss. Given the focus on reproduction, this acknowledgment is sorely needed in order to build the necessary foundation during a life-altering trauma.
Like Beth, I was raised Catholic. And it was because of how I was treated that I’ve turned away completely from that institution. One day they may get with the program, but in the meantime those that support those in the trenches will likely be the institutions that thrive.
To be heard and understood and abided with …. such a gift, such an opening for healing.
This is fascinating. These rituals are so completely outside of my experience that’s it’s really interesting to read about them and to read how they are being adapted in some places at least. I don’t follow any religion so any rituals I had around fertility were self created and not very intentional or uplifting. While religious practices are not for everyone this does sound like it could be the best of both worlds.
This is beautiful, especially the note. I wish more institutions would say “I’m with you” and be inclusive in this manner… just in offering the infertility awareness shabbat they are doing so much to help women (and men) feel far less alone when religions so often extol fertility and the holy texts are ripe with baby miracles. How lovely to be inclusive.
I saw an article recently online about infertility & Judaism… I didn’t realize it was part of a bigger event. I am glad religious institutions are starting to pay attention to these matters!
Found it! In a blog post by Sue Lick:
https://childlessbymarriageblog.com/2018/03/21/is-it-tougher-being-childless-if-youre-jewish/