Question Lists
I love question lists; those exercises where you are supposed to ask another person a series of questions and get to know them better. There is the 36 question list made famous by the Modern Love column in the New York Times (or, more recently, an episode of the Science of Happiness podcast* building off of their Greater Good in Action sheet). And the New Yorker’s version of the 36 questions. (I still can’t read that without laughing.)
* Side note: I really loved the point that Kelly Corrigan makes on the podcast that most conversations you have require a back and forth. You’re discussing something. Both people are having their feelings heard. But with question lists, one person is conveying information and the other person is just listening and absorbing. There’s nothing to interject; no opinion to be expressed. You’re just a receptacle. That’s interesting, right?
Anyway, I was interested in Darius Foroux’s list because they are questions to ask yourself, not others. You’re trying to figure yourself out vs. trying to explain yourself, and that little twist is appealing.
I liked the list through question 10, but then it veered off the life tracks for me because I’m not an entrepreneur. I do not have customers with pain points. I mean, I tried to answer the questions pretending that Linus was my client, but all of his pain points had to do with the slow flow of cookies.
I returned to the list for questions 16 – 21, though I clearly lost out on five questions. I couldn’t think of their replacement, unless I made them about relationships. How I’m doing as a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Whether I’m involved enough in my community. What actions I’ve taken to strengthen my relationships. And then two more questions that I haven’t thought of yet. Damn this is hard.
Asking a good question is harder than thinking up a good answer. When someone asks you a question, they give you a content frame. But designing a question is like pulling words from the void. Nothing exists and suddenly you’ve set someone’s brain on journey.
What is a good question you asked lately?
6 comments
This one!
I love those question lists, too. Unfortunately, most of the ones I’ve seen are relationship-based, and my husband hates those questions lists and refuses to answer them. 🙁
I don’t think I’ve asked any good questions lately that weren’t work-related. I do routinely ask my sons about their days at school by asking “What made you smile today?” and “What was the best (and worst) thing about today?”
I try to ask my daughter what was something funny that happened today (first grade is filled with hilarity) and also how was she kind today.
I love question lists too. Both reading answers and answering them myself. I might look at these links. I do agree that with these lists, it is a chance to just sit back and absorb. Many people’s conversations are filled with someone trying to make their point – or score points – rather than to truly listen. Listening is such a gift. (Maybe that’s why I like blogs. Because we listen before we discuss.)
Cracked up too at Linus and his pain points.
I’ve never seen that New Yorker list before, that is hilarious! I would love to do these with Bryce, but it starts feeling like the homestudy questions, and then I get twitchy. There are good ones in the 36 though that are interesting to think on. We are actually pretty good at asking questions of each other — we’ve been at our favorite Mexican restaurant and had complete strangers stop to tell us how nice it is to see a couple clearly having a good conversation over dinner. 🙂 Things like, “If you could live anywhere other than here, where would you go?” “If money and flight times were no option, what’s the craziest vacation destination you’d want to go to?” “If you didn’t do what you do for a living, what do you think you could be doing?” And then we come up with “Would You Rather” questions for my classroom (clearly clean versions), because those are amazingly fun. Questions, and then listening intently to the other person’s answers, are such a great way to connect.
I am a sucker for question lists too. I have a couple of those “question a day” diaries… I start out the year with good intentions of filling the whole thing out & it usually peters out after a few weeks. But it’s still fun while it lasts. 😉 Makes you think about what you REALLY think on the subject.