Taking Other People’s Bad Days
So a friend posted a great quote on Facebook on Thanksgiving: “There are people who would be grateful to have your bad days.”
The meaning of the words — at least as defined by the other commenters — is that there are always people out there who are worse off and they would be thrilled to have your problems. A little Voltaire-like inverse Pain Olympics. Yes, we all have problems, but be grateful for even your bad days because there are people who would consider themselves lucky if they got to live your problems rather than their own.
But before I saw the comments, I read it in a completely different way.
And I’m sticking to the way I initially understood it.
There are people in your life — the people who love you or appreciate you — who are grateful to have you in their life even on your worst days. Meaning, Josh would rather have Melissa on her worst days than Person X on only her best days. My kids would rather have me during what I consider my worst parenting moments over another mother during what she would consider her best parenting moments. My clients consider my “worst” work better than most people’s “best” work.
It’s the perfect life rule: surround yourself with people who are grateful to have you. And it’s a pretty simple litmus test when you’re trying to make a decision about something. Does the person appreciate you? Want the whole you? See even your “worst” as better than many other people’s “best”? Then keep them close. Does the person only highlight your faults? Try to change you? Not appreciate your innate gifts or strong effort? Then let them (or the situation) go.
All the people I love in my life or appreciate in my life are not without faults. They have their bad days or bone-headed moments that frustrate me. But I gladly take those people with their foibles because I am grateful to have them in my life; to get even their worst days because even when they’re at their worst, they are still eons better than many other people at their best.
And I’m always grateful to the people who recognize that same idea when considering me.
14 comments
I like your interpretation! It’s quite lovely!
I like your interpretation. I would rather read your toss off blog posts than other bloggers best, including my own 🙂
On the other hand, I have never liked the “You must be thankful and happy every moment because your worst days are awesome compared to someone else.” I am thankful for what I have, if that is what people mean, but lives are transitory. I have had some really, really bad days in my past and I am sure I will have some terrible ones in my future. But if I had the power to ease other people’s worst days, or take them away, I would.
Your interpretation is far more wise than the one meant by the poster. Yes, there are people who have it worse off (I’m literally living in this type of situation with my landlord), but shutting people down does nothing to improve the situation. Your interpretation is a sage reminder that we all have our faults, but those quality individuals we chose to have in our lives are still gems even on their bad days. And that is a reminder I needed to hear today
Now please tell me you shared this interpretation.
I like yours better for sure. The other meaning is so cliche and overused. Yes yes we have it better off than 99% of the world. That doesn’t make your shitty day less shitty FOR YOU
I love your interpretation…….but I really dislike that quote.
The intention is to make people aware and grateful for their life, because there was some REALLY HORRIBLE lives out there being lived….and I get that.
BUT – I fully believe, and am aware, that my obstacles are on a grand scale. They are significantly better than a lot of obstacles I could have and they’re also significantly worse than a lot of obstacles I could have. But that doesn’t make my problems any less painful or important.
Oh, I love your interpretation. This quote reminds me of a time when a doctor at a fertility clinic I didn’t enjoy said, “It’s a wonderful day in the universe!” and I had just had a bad news day, so I said, “If you say so…” and then he pulled out his cell phone and showed me a picture of his friend, and said, “See this guy? He would LOVE to have your not so good day today, because he’s DEAD.” Um, thank you? I guess it could be worse, I could be DEAD? I feel like the meant interpretation of that quote is that it can always be worse, which is dismissive of your pain in the moment.
But to interpret it your way is amazing. Now that quote doesn’t fill me with fury! I love this idea, that your loved ones would rather have you on your worst day, rather than that someone else’s worst day is worse than yours. Bravo!
I absolutely prefer your interpretation. I, like many of the commenters above, am annoyed by the cliche that I should ALWAYS be happy and grateful because so many have it worse. Yes, I do try to remember this – being grateful – but I also recognize that it’s ok to feel sad or bad or even wallow for a bit because my bad stuff is still bad FOR ME.
Your way of thinking makes far more sense.
First, I have to address the comments…I can’t believe a FERTILITY DOCTOR did/said that to Jess! Just WTH is wrong with him?!?! People can be so stupid.
So I have seen this quote somewhere recently. With social media and the pain olympics and all of that, I really feel like SO many people are all caught up in how “bad” they have it and have lost all perspective. NOT to mean that anyone’s pain or difficulties aren’t real and hard for them or anything like that, just that people get very caught up in the “Woe is me” thing and the sympathy that is so easy to garner on social media. I am being very general because obviously not everyone is like this. But because it’s so prevalent. Especially First World Problems. People complain that their favorite specialty shop is all Out of imported Brie and have to post about how it ruined their day, completely forgetting that kids in other countries are literally eating paste.
So that, I think, is where that saying is coming from. I don’t think it’s meaning we should always be happy all the time. Just that trying to have a little perspective on the situation can go a long way in to helping us get through it.
I do try to be cognizant that most of my problems are 1st world /privileged white person problems…I don’t mind being reminded of that…but ha, not sure my family would prefer me at my worst over someone else at their best
Yes to this: “surround yourself with people who are grateful to have you.”
I am grateful to have you as my friend. What amazing good fortune for me.
That’s a great way of looking at it. Life is too short for toxic people, I also try to surround myself with supportive and good friends!
I actually love both perspectives. When I started down this path, my hope for myself was that I’d avoid bitterness. My way of doing that has been to focus on all the ways that I’m lucky, and I feel fortunate that doing so comes naturally for me.
As I’ve moved further down the path, I’ve really questioned my worth. This body of mine has killed six babies. It’s needed 8 surgeries. It’s broken. How could anyone want to be around me? Your interpretation of the quote reminds me of the ‘how’. Thank you for that!
I really love your interpretation! What a great way to look at it. (I also definitely agree with the other poster who commented that social media makes it easy for First World White Problems to feel like they are actually a problem, which I think is what the quote is speaking to)
I never thought about that quote that way! I like your reading of it a lot more.