428th Friday Blog Roundup
We had a partial snow day yesterday so we read a chapter of Harry Potter 4 before school. We’re post Goblet of Fire spitting out the names and now navigating Ron’s reaction. We spent just as much time discussing how Ron views Harry’s life vs. his own as we did reading the actual book. I think I had glossed over just how jealous they are of one another and how they react so differently to their personal jealousy back when I read these books to myself.
Ron sees Harry as having fame and attention — exactly what he wants because he comes from a large family of overachievers and thinks he lacks an element that sets him apart from his siblings. (Until, you know, Book 7. But he doesn’t know that yet. And beyond that, I think Mrs. Weasley would have disagreed with Ron’s self-assessment.) He is so massively jealous of the adoration his friend receives. And Harry sees Ron as having family and love — exactly what he doesn’t have seeing that his parents are gone and his only living relatives hate him. Who cares about the adoration of people who don’t really know you (but only know your fame)? He would much rather have Ron’s situation of a big, loving family who care for Ron simply because he’s Ron.
So they’re both jealous of each other, but Ron expresses that jealousy towards Harry whereas Harry swallows that jealousy in order to stand as close as he can to what he wants. Ron lashes out, pushing Harry away, and Harry keeps his sadness in check in order to keep coming back to the Burrow. In neither case is the jealousy itself problematic — people are going to feel what people are going to feel. It’s only the expression of that jealousy that becomes problematic.
It also leads to the hidden message that runs throughout the books: anyone can find fame — it happens for the best and worst of reasons — but it’s much more difficult to find love. So if you can only choose one — fame or love — go with love every time.
Chew on that.
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My friend introduced me to the world’s greatest app, which also comes in website form: donothingfor2minutes.com. The website isn’t as good as the free app. You have 6 choices of duration of time with the app and 4 different moving visuals. I’ve been mostly using the waves coming in.
I left the phone on my bed and ran downstairs to get something, and when I came back up, the kids were both lying on top of my blanket, watching the ocean for 2 minutes. Blissed out.
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And now the blogs…
But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:
- “Don’t Go Slick” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Lori and A
- “Fear” (Relaxing Doesn’t Make Babies)
- “Who am I?” (Stumbling Gracefully)
- “Those in Glass Houses Will Throw Stones” (Too Many Fish to Fry)
- “Photo Finishing” (Blood Signs)
- “Six Years Without Her” (An Expat’s Journal)
- “Forty Weeks” (Baby-Making Merry-Go-Round)
- “Unresolved But in Transition” (The Infertility Voice)
- “Don’t Save the Date” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Cristy.
- “Jinx 2” (Single Infertile Female)
- “Life after Infertility” (La Belette Rouge)
- “The Exhilarating Tension Between Being and Becoming” (Baby Smiling in Back Seat)
- “The ‘I’ Word” (Stumbling Gracefully)
- “Help. I’ve Fallen, and I Can’t…. Oh, F*@k It.” (Schrodinger’s Catbox)
- “The Burden of Hope” (Something Beautiful)
Okay, now my choices this week.
Single Infertile Female has a post on what happened when her nervousness intersected with her first foster care class, and she overshared the details of her life. I found this post so touching because it was so human. Through words, she manages to package the excitement and anxiety of the unknowns and the thrill and the fear all wrapped up in one group discussion.
My Scar Smiles at Me has a post about time, especially the happiness and fear of it moving quickly. On one hand, the days passing at a good clip means she’s that much closer to the finish line. On the other hand, the days passing at a good clip means she’s that much closer to the finish line. But it’s the ending that made me catch my breath. It’s just lovely.
It’s above because it straddles two weeks, but I also loved La Belette Rouge’s post giving concrete advice on how she stepped away from treatments. While prepping for a panel at a conference on the topic, she puts into focus all the ways she reached the point she’s at where she has let go and resolved her infertility. It’s a moving post, but it’s also an important post. It literally holds out a hand to the reader. I especially loved this side effect of being a speaker: “In talking about my process of letting go I got to see how far I’ve come.”
Mrs. Spit’s “You Will Dazzle Them“… What can I even say to do this post justice? Except that I think it should be required reading for middle schoolers on a daily basis, and after that, perhaps moving to required reading once a month like a vitamin.
Lastly, Life as I Know It has two posts that stuck with me this week. One was about her son’s reaction to specialized parking spots as opposed to her own thoughts. The other is about mentally marking her sons’ due date; how this date still holds meaning for her even though they have a birthdate. And more than that, discovering she isn’t the only one who thinks about that date. Loved both posts.
The roundup to the Roundup: Ron and Harry’s mutual jealousy. Most relaxing app/website in the world. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 18th and January 25th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.
21 comments
Ron and Harry’s relationship reminds me of my twins. They both have gifts in certain areas, and they are both jealous of each other, but they have to be together to share in each other’s recognition. The good thing, is like Ron and Harry, their talents rub off on each other so they both improve.
I read so quickly through all of the HP books because they were so good, I just wanted to eat them up! Your posts remind me that I need to go back and re read them so I can capture the deeper nuances that exist.
http://amgreavu.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-sense-of-urgency.html
“A Sense of Urgency”
I LOVE this comparisson of Ron vs. Harry’s expression of jealousy. I hadn’t thought of it that way!
I thought this was kind of interesting:
I thought this was interesting:
http://antropologa.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/refugees-in-rural-sweden/
The jealousy between the 3 friends always kind of bothered me, but I like your take on it…
I thought this was a really powerful post.
http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/01/in-child-loss-there-is-no-fake-it-till-you-make-it/
This post really resonated with me:
http://missohkay.wordpress.com/2013/01/22/trials-and-trails/
Thank you so much for including me in this amazing group of posts. I am delighted that the post was meaningful to you. It was certainly amazing for me to discover how far I have come. I remember thinking that I would NEVER-EVER-EVER make any progress and that it would always hurt the way it did. Chock that up to another time I was wrong.;-)
And thank you again, I am truly delighted to be one of your choices of the week. It is an extraordinary thing you do here. You are an incredible resource.
I second Tracy… thanks for including me too! It really brightened my thesis writing day to think that anyone would call my words lovely. Particularly someone I admire as much as you!
I still remember the first time you included one of my posts in your round-up Mel, almost 3 years ago now. You sent me an e-mail to let me know, just in case I hadn’t looked, and I totally squealed with excitement. For the record: I STILL let out a little squeal every single time I see my name here. Thank you for doing all that you do to unite our little community and make everyone feel included and valued…
I’ve been especially excited to read Henry’s Birth Story over at For We Are Bound By Symmetry.
http://unaffectedbyyou.blogspot.com/2013/01/henrys-birth-story-part-two-should-i.html
Unaffected has been in the trenches for a long time, dealing with infertility, miscarriages, and so many of those moments where she questioned whether or not it would ever happen for her. But through it all, she remained positive and supportive of everyone around her. I actually found her a few years ago when a friend of mine interacted with her on an infertility forum… funny the ties that bind us all. Anyway, seeing her get her happy ending and reading her birth story absolutely fills my heart. It’s nice to see the good guys win every once in a while.
Thank you, Mel, for including me on the Roundup, but most especially for choosing the two you did. Both mean a lot to me, and it makes my heart happy that they meant something to someone else, too.
La Belette Rouge has another thought-provoking post this week about a new book that focuses on lives unlived and roads not taken. I doubt the author had infertility treatment in mind when he wrote it, but it’s fascinating to think about in that context, as LBR does:
http://www.labeletterouge.com/2013/01/is-the-unlived-life-worth-examining.html
Kate wrote an amazing letter to people from her past:
http://i-cant-whistle.blogspot.com/2013/01/so-much-less-than-i-will.html
Throughout the HP series I always think about how most preteens/teenagers spend so much energy being exasperated by their family and wishing they would go away, whereas Harry would give anything to meet his parents just once.
I loved Aramis’s post enticing her day 3 embryos to make it to blast and ultimately to come home to her family:
http://infertilesmurf.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-sales-pitch-to-our-day-3-embryos.html
I thought this post by KeAnne was great – “The Weight of Today” https://babywithatwist.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/the-weight-of-today/
A few posts that I found this week:
On the question if we are obligated to give back?
http://glimpseinsidemyjourney.wordpress.com/2013/01/23/obligation-to-give-back/
The fear and hope of being pregnant after babyloss:
http://journeytobabyg.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/these-two-lands.html
A beautiful post about empathy:
http://searchingforoursilverlining.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/honing-empathy.html
Exploring the thought of living childless, including a helpful metaphor story:
http://thequestforthegoldenegg.blogspot.co.uk/2013/01/living-childless-follow-up.html
Sometimes it is hard to believe we deserve the love we crave. It takes courage to even recognise that let alone risk going for it. I was moved by this, both the lady quoted and the blogger mulling this dilema over:
http://m.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fdear-finley.blogspot.it%2F2013%2F01%2Fin-which-i-contemplate-pregnancy-after.html&h=-AQGKJd4j&s=1
I had been saving up the parking lot post of Stacie’s for this RoundUp. Glad to see it included here…
My submission for the upcoming RoundUp:
http://ivf-fiv.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-bracelet-one-she-never-got-to-meet.html
This beautiful post by Marwil – “Probabilities” – contrasts the powerful logic of numbers with the pain of the dice always seeming to fall on the losing side.
http://marwil.org/2013/01/25/probabilities/
https://babysmiling.wordpress.com/2013/01/24/thoughtful-thursday-really-really/
Back again with the very touching post “The Room” from Hapa Hopes.
http://hapahopes.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-room.html