50 Shades of Grey, Mommy Porn, and Someone Gets a Belly-Punch
I’m reading 50 Shades of Grey — there, I said it. I own it. I mean, I own the book and I own the fact that I’m reading it. For the 8 or so people left in America who don’t know about this book, it is Twilight rewritten sans vampires and avec a dominant/submissive relationship. It’s in the #1 slot on Amazon and the film rights have been sold. And it’s being hailed as Mommy Porn.
I wasn’t going to read the book simply because I wasn’t going to read the book. Fine, there were reasons the book sounded like a total turnoff to me that are best left unsaid, but suffice to say, I wasn’t going to read it. But my friend asked me to read it three times, so I finally relented and here I am, reading through the start of the dom/sub relationship. A direct message to her: this better be worth it.
Can we return though for a moment to the term Mommy Porn? There are several words that drive me crazy when I hear people use them: belly (hate this word), mommy juice for wine (seriously, why?), munchkin for children (what is wrong with calling them children?), and when people use “baby” as a term of endearment. I am well aware that other people love these terms, love the sentence: “I poured the mommy juice down my throat and into my belly while I watched the munchkins, baby.” But I don’t. And now I have a new term that makes me want to gut punch someone’s… belly: mommy porn.
Does Forbes realize that there are mid-aged non-mothers who don’t have sex anymore and want to read something titillating? Or mid-aged mothers who do have sex but also liked Twilight and feel like reading what amounts to the same book sans vampires? That motherhood isn’t the divide between those who are still getting it on and those who aren’t. It’s relationships stressed because life is stressful. Because we’re overworked and commuting long distances and trying to raise children in competitive environments. Or 7.3 million of us in this middle age range are seeing sex as either a massive chore or a physical action that serves to remind us what we don’t have because we’re infertile. Seriously, 12.5% of child-bearing-age women are infertile — how does that factor into 50 Shades of Grey’s popularity? What percentage of the 2 million or so copies sold have gone to infertile women?
Because this is pretty much as far as you can get from child-creating sex, unless your child-creating sex involves nipple clamps and whips. Isn’t it possible that it’s an escape because it doesn’t resemble anything women associate with the sex they’re not having? And I know you’re not having it because I went to a dinner party last year, and I was the only person at the table still having sex. I was told by the other women that I needed to continue to have sex just so we could ensure one of our kind still remembers how to do it in case the shit-hits-the-fan, everyone else forgets, and we need to re-learn. I would be the institutional memory.
But people are not having sex for so many reasons other than motherhood. This dinner party was comprised of mothers and non-mothers. Of single women and long-term married. Of those with newborns and those with college-aged kids. And only one of us was having sex. So let’s not call it by a cutesy name: it’s porn. It’s porn-for-women-that-men-probably-aren’t-going-to-be-interested-in-and-they’re-dreading-the-movie-version-because-a-woman-in-their-life-is-going-to-try-to-drag-them-to-it.
So raise your hand if you’re reading it. And if you aren’t… why not? (And feel free to put down your name as Anon if you don’t want your name attached)
44 comments
**raising hand** Read all three! Loved them! I got bored with the sex to be honest…after awhile, I was skimming past the sex scenes while yawning, just waiting to get to “the good stuff” (aka: the romance!)
I’m not reading it because it doesn’t interest me. I didn’t read twilight either. Or hunger games. Maybe I rebel against books everyone tells me to read.
I’ve heard the name of the book, and it being hailed as “Mommy Porn” (which totally turned me off reading it), but no idea what it was actually about. I refused to read Twilight and I maintain that stance. If this book is not as terribly written (I await your review and/or thoughts on it), it actually sounds like my kind of book.
As one of those in the rarely-having-sex camp, thank you for continuing to do so. The idea of you as a fount of institutional knowledge is somewhat comforting – if I forget, you can remind me. And? The dinner party and analogy had me laughing. Thank you. 🙂
I obviously need to find some better-quality dinner parties 🙂
Read it. Will probably read the rest, too — but I haven’t had time lately. I loved Twilight and had hoped it would resemble that more — to me, there was little tying it to that book whatsoever. There’s the clumsy, dark-haired, self-deprecating main character….but that’s about it. I didn’t find it very romantic at all, but it was definitely sexy.
Haven’t read and do not have any interest in reading Twilight.
Read a book review (if you can call it that, it was a “did not finish” review) of Grey the other day and had I ever been inclined to read the book, that review and the comments (it’s on a blog somewhere) would have put me off doing so forever, I’m sorry (given your decision to read it) to tell you. I found the review and comments themselves funny as heck though. Oh, here, I’ll track it down: http://www.foreveryoungadult.com/2012/04/06/my-safe-word-is-dnf/ .
So, no.
I was actually one of the six people in America who did not know what you were talking about but now that I do I’m not sure I’m interested. I’ll probably read it at some point but I’m not all that compelled to do so anytime soon.
I’m not reading it, but I do read plenty of trashy novels. Mommy porn is such a demeaning phrase. When did it switch from romance or erotica (or trashy novels, for that matter…which is all-inclusive for all light reading)? There was a genre…why did it have to be renamed? The thing is, cutesy phrases like that don’t generally come from men – we’re doing it to ourselves. Can you track down who started that one to (hopefully) disprove my point? 🙂
I won’t read it because I’ve heard too much that it’s Twilight with sex, and I couldn’t take the writing in Twilight. I saw a review today and it was not complimentary.
Read the original fanfic (tracked it down online after hearing about 50 shades) and found it sexy, but much tamer than I expected based on the description. The writing is poor, but the story is fun. It’s not really Twilight except for the archetypes – personality-less female heroine which lets the reader put herself in the story, and wealthy, sexy male heroine who takes charge.
Gulp. It’s slowly sinking in that I just may be becoming one of the least-in-the-know, most unhip people around. I have never even heard of this book. I hit the library today, and the two books I came home with were about living off the grid and about raising chickens. So, I suppose that makes some sense then. 🙂
Up until about a week ago, I was one of those 8 people who hadn’t heard of this book. Then I read the review from Dead Cow Girl (http://deadcowgirl.com/2012/03/fifty-shades-grey-review/) and following some additional investigation, decided not to read it. Partly because I heard many have gotten bored with it. Partly because of her points.
Looking forward to hearing your take on it Mel.
Eww gross, no, I will not be reading that. Even if I were reading fiction at this point, which is out of the question, I would not be reading that. I would much rather read Daddy Porn than Mommy Porn — for starters, it’s probably much shorter.
I prefer the term tummy but do use belly to refer to the location of a fetus. Because I have a pet peeve about babies being in a woman’s “tummy,” or even worse, stomach. The whole process is confusing enough to children without telling them that an unborn child is inside a stomach.
And for the record I have more sex now than before I had children. Which is still not very much at all. Occasionally rather than almost never.
I skimmed through borrowed copies of the trilogy, and I didnt get into them. I read everything from serious non-fiction to absolutely trashy, including some erotica… and I don’t see what the big deal is about this series. Didn’t compare to some other steamy novels or romance I’ve read: Lover Awakened, anyone? The term “mommy” porn is disturbing to me, as a an infertile non-mother. Though I don’t necessarily want to be labeled as a “porn” reader, I also don’t much want to be entirely dismissed.
I just read the first one and actually had to force myself to finish it. That never happens to me. Really.
Like Cristy, I hadn’t heard of this book until reading about it on DCG. I’m interested in reading it, just because I enjoyed Twilight for the fun factor it was and I’m not one to turn down fun stuff, esp when there is a bit of erotica involved (I loved the Anita Blake vampire hunter series by Hamilton and way before that the Sleeping Beauty trilogy by Anne Rice (under a different name)). I’ll pick it up at some point if it can be found and cheap enough in Finland, or if I make it to the US in the near future, (but probably not).
LOL. Mommy porn makes me want to giggle, or maybe it is just your description of it all and wanting to punch someone in the ‘belly’. On the topic of porn, hubby talks about all the “reality TV” type shows as ‘social porn’. I love that name, it describes them so well. The word I hate is ‘old lady’. I am NO ONE’s old lady (no matter what age I am)!!
I have never heard of it either. I will probably give it a miss. I tried Twilight but I found it clunky. Nice idea for a story but not well written. I didn’t bother with the sequels. I did find ‘The discovery of Witches’, by Deborah Harkness though which was a kind of Twilight but grown up and better written. Now that is worth a read.
Am I totally lame that I only heard about this book yesterday? And the only reason I heard about it is because my husband asked me what it was about? I think he read about it in the USA Today.
I’m not above porn in any way but I’m not a fan of Twilight, Hunger Games or Harry Potter, so if this is remotely in the same realm, I’ll steer clear.
But thanks for writing about this because I didn’t know what the book was actually about!
It is the first time I hear about this series – but it does not mean anything, because in my little hole, we’re hardly up to date with literary best sellers. If you can believe it, I have persuaded my husband to give classics a chance and now we are reading Victorian literature and discuss it when we have the time – geekist twosome book club.
Mommy porn is demeaning – why do people assume mums don’t have sex or steer away from it? I agree with A – why do we need to come up with new names just for one book? Why not use the ones we already have? Silly. A marketing ploy that works but shouldn’t.
If it gets cheaper on kindle, I might buy and read it. If not, then I will ignore it some more. It’s not like I have all this free time on my hands and nothing to do. I say I have at least a couple of years before I might consider looking up new books to read.
But thanks for bringing it up. If it ever comes up in a random conversation, I will not feel ignorant for not being up to date with erotic literature. Although I totally am.
I’m one of those who hadn’t heard of it either, completely out of the loop. I just googled and read the first 25 pages, and I don’t think I missed much. Its quite painful, and I don’t imagine, a good read for a feminist – I’m guessing he is the sub as it would just be frigging horrible if he tops her, with the dynamic laid down so far. I imagine he would only be more tolerable gagged and blindfolded, and hope she takes the opportunity for some self-esteem classes while he’s choking on a ballgag
I’ve seen it pop up on my Kindle “buy this book now or you are a total loser screen” every time I go to the online book store. I haven’t bought it because if I want to read porn, I will get me some PORN. There is lots of erotica out there that is better written, I’m betting. Also, DeadCowGirl reviewed the first book and said “Eh…not great” and suggested better stuff.
I hate MOMMY anything. I’m and adult, I refer to myself as a ‘mother’ or a ‘mom’…my kids call me mommy. And someone calling their significant other ‘baby’ ‘babe’ or ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ makes me want to yak.
I hadn’t heard of it either. Also, i thought mummy porn was a totally different thing, having nothing to do with sex. Like, say, images of reading a book uninterrupted, or veging in front of the tv whilst someone else did the dishes. Kind of like how food porn is really yummy pictures of great food. Isn’t it?
So, in summary, maybe not the best person to ask.
I had heard of it about a month or so ago, but it’s not the kind of book for me. I couldn’t get past the forst 50 pages of Twighlight and if this book is similiar, it will be a waste of money for me.
I heard about it about a month ago but only started seeing copies in the bookstore about a week ago. I was mildly interested — until I heard the Twilight comparisons, both in terms of plot & bad writing. I had & still have absolutely no interest in reading Twilight. Although at least this one doesn’t have vampires in it (I have absolutely no interest in vampires — SIL tried to get me to read Anne Rice 20 years ago, & I was never interested in those either).
(Although I did see a book in the horror section of the bookstore called “Paul is Undead,” about the Beatles as zombies, that mildly tickled my fancy, as I am a huge Beatles fan. But I figured the title was probably the best thing about it, lol.)
I may eventually put it on my to-read pile, but I have lots of other stuff I’d rather read first.
And yes, the label is demeaning. :p Aside from the slightly kinky angle, is there really any difference between this book & the bodice rippers with the Fabio types on the covers in the romance section??
I hadn’t heard of it, either. I also have not read Harry Potter, Twilight, or the Hunger Games. I’m not a big fan of YA literature, but since I teach high school, I think I will have to succumb to the Hunger Games right now. I’ll be interested to hear what you think about this new book.
I am in the middle of the third – I find the writing atrocious and amateurish, but the sex is hot. 🙂
Sarah Wendell, who blogs and reviews books at Smart Bitches Trashy Books, has a really good take on the term “mommy porn,” too – . She comes at it from a different perspective, but I think her points and yours are mostly complimentary.
I haven’t read the book, and I may not, but I do read plenty of romance novels (only lately do I read them unapologetically), and I’m fairly sure a lot of what I read would be dubbed “mommy porn” by people who want to look down on it. It’s tiring, this idea that women’s sexuality and arousal is something to be ashamed of, and that’s why the term bugs me – it’s used to try to embarrass women and push us into a sense of shame about our reading and our interests. Hmm. Maybe I should read 50 Shades just as a way of protesting…
I’ve heard about it – a lot of my twitter friends have read/are reading it. I’m not going to read it b/c it is based on Twilight & I will not read or support Twilight in any way. Also, from what I’ve heard & read, the writing is poor and I am protesting a lit major who has such a poor vocabulary. Petty? Sure, but I draw the line somewhere! I do wish there were more quality porn out there (is that an oxymoron?).
I had vaguely heard about the book, but it didn’t sound like something I was interested in and my reading time is stretched thin as is. Then I read the review that Alexicographer posted. First, thank you for posting that, it’s a hysterical review, and now I have no interest in ever reading the book, but I have new blog to add to my reading. And secondly, I had NO idea that it’s based on Twilight fanfic. I mean, you said it was Twilight rewritten without vampires, but I thought that was a metaphor, not the literal truth. Wow.
Also, “mommy juice” is wine? I … would have guessed something else.
i have no interest in reading it. that kind of stuff doesn’t do it for me.
i just finished reading Lord of Misrule, though. it’s fabulous. that was kind of a non-sequitur. Lord of Misrule isn’t anything like 50 Shades of Grey.
I fell into the “enjoyed it” category. Couldn’t put it down until I finished all three, actually, though I generally can’t put books down. It’s a problem.
I can’t wait for the post that rolls out of getting into book #3 though. Can’t wait.
BabySmiling made me spit at the screen! Hah!
Oh, dear, another book to put in my queue. Now reading Time Traveler’s Wife (yes, I’m very late to the party). Next up at the library is Sarah in The Women of Genesis series, then Hunger Games, and now Gray.
Some dinner party.
I haven’t read it yet but am planning too. Actually, the fact that it’s a Twilight spin off is more of a turn off than the fact that it’s erotica.
And, the term Mommy Porn pisses me off as does the furor over this book. Why is it so horrifying or stunning that women enjoy getting their sexy on?
I read it when it was still Twilight smut on a Twilight fan-fiction forum. It didn’t do much for me then and I don’t want to essentially re-read it with different names.
I hate the term mommy porn but for different reasons, its porn directed primarily at women, don’t cute it up with a name. Porn is porn. My husband refers to it as my smut collection. And as successful as this is and how everyone is whispering about it and passing the book onto others, it really isn’t all that great. Give me 5 minutes and I can find you 50 different twilight themed stories that were written better than this, smut and all. But people are reading and people are coming out about their sexual preferences (or at least about sexual fantasies, which is completely normal), or just getting people to talk about sex in general. I think it’s a good thing. I think we all could benefit from being more comfortable with our sexual health. And if that means people are reading a less than stellar trashy erotica based novel, then all the better. People are reading, this is a good thing. And even if you hate the popular YA novels (be that Potter,Twilight or Hunger Games) or books like 50 Shades of Grey, they are at least getting people to pick up books who normally wouldn’t pick up books and that can lead to more reading. Reading as we all know = good. So while I have no use for the book, if someone is reading it who normally wouldn’t pick up a book, then enjoy the smut and carry on.
I am near the end on the first book. I am surprised at how poorly written it is for a book that has drawn so much acclaim (unless the acclaim is ONLY because of the subject matter). I did not read any of the Twilight series as vampires do not interest me.
What has struck me the most is that if this soft core porn is getting women so hot & bothered I feel for the lack of passionate sex they must have had in their lives. I am just grateful to have had an adult life filled with varied & great sex. So, as another person commented, I’m interested in where their relationship goes & more importantly if we get to the bottom of why he is the way that he is.
I’m as much of a sucker for a good love story, moreso if it is hard fought, so, we’ll see.
Not reading it, but it intrigues me. So I probably will read it once I’m finished with school. I’m curious to hear your take on it when you finish!
(PS: I just started my fitness pal.com, and I’m loving it so far. I tried to add you, but it says you can’t be found!)
If there is a sub category of porn for moms it would be (for me) someone great and nice taking my kids out for a fun afternoon leaving me at my leisure with my husband and somehow the house becomes clean and the laundry folded. That I suppose would not be porn but mommy fantasy….
I loved Twilight because I LOVE a good love story…this series turned me off when labled “porn” since IMO a good love story is mucked up with detailed sex scenes. So I doubt I’ll read this series
I am not reading it and I don’t think I will (and not just because I’m not a “mommy” and think the term doesn’t apply to me). Just like I’m probably one of the only people on the planet that hasn’t read any of the Twilight books or the Hunger Games books.
You haven’t told us your review of it yet .. I read the reviews on iTunes or iBooks or whatever it is that you browse what books you want to download to your iPad and I get the impression it’s not very intellectually stimulating. But perhaps that’s the point?
I’m going to come back with a review. I just want to get through the third book before I comment on them. Trying to be open-minded and give them the benefit of the doubt, though… it’s difficult.
Read #1, on to #2. And yes, I don’t like the term “mommy-porn” But sad to say, I’m enjoying the $$$$ aspect of the book. That would turn any woman on. If Christian Grey was a normal, middle-class guy, it would be a whole different book.
I am reading it now, after hearing so much about it…and …well, I think it sucks, honestly. The writing is very stilted and strange, and I think it’s booooring. There are too many fussy little details & every other sentence is Ana saying holy crap, holy shit, or oh my. The romance is very weird too. Like, I don’t find someone being stalker-ish and completely arrogantly domineering romantic but I guess some women do…? And the way she portrays a dom/sub relationship is not right at all. I suggest reading http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/
and
http://ohaidesk.livejournal.com/5370.html
…found these reviews while searching for this book…I find them hilarious.
i LOVED all 3 of the books…..i just hope there is going to be a 4th but this time from Christian’s point of view. It’d be good to get into he head and see how he saw Anastasia!! I’ve also managed to get my other half into the books and so far his enjoying it 🙂 xx
So I finally gave in and started reading it (I didn’t wait as long as I did to read twilight). So far it’s ok. Not great, but ok. Funny thing is that I saw a review on ibooks that it was just filth. Umm, yeah. We pretty much knew that going in right? It’s not the best erotica I’ve read before but I’ll probably keep reading because I’m one of those that once I start reading something I have to finish. It is a bit annoying how this good girl who has never done anything is willing to do ANYTHING to keep the guy. Then maybe it’s annoying because I was that person and thank goodness finally outgrew it.
Funny I didn’t realize it was supposed to be sort of connected to Twilight until I came back and found your post and read it.
Can’t wait to read …I’m 23 and married I don’t really find porn that amusing…but reading it is a whole different thing …much easier for me to get into …everyone I no that has bought the book was hooked and went and bought the others the next day or blushed at the first few chapters and returned it