Random header image... Refresh for more!

286th Friday Blog Roundup

If you’ve got time to read, you’ve got time to write (it doesn’t quite have the same ring as “if you’ve got time to lean, you’ve got time to clean”).  Right now, close this post, open your own blog and write your damn Project IF post!  There are only two more days.  Two days.

WAIT–I mean…after you read this…go and write your post.

And don’t worry about whether your post is gorgeous or eloquent or creative–it is about being real, and raw, and honest.  Every single person who writes an ALI blog has the ability to educate.  You do it every day.  You let people into your world every.damn.day (well, except for those of you who write once a month or so).  Open the door for a moment and say–even if it’s only one paragraph–what that “what if” means to you.  You don’t need to be fancy–you just need to be yourself.

Over 100 people are already on the list and it’s climbing.  Have you seen Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed’s video?  Or read the raw honesty of LutC’s post?  Mrs. Hope came out of hiatus to participate.

I keep hinting that you really really really want to be part of this project–that it’s not just something happening now that will be over at the end of NIAW.  That this project is something that is moving and traveling and influencing over the course of the next year.  You will want to be part of it.  I seriously can’t stress that enough.

And it also has to have an end date because Resolve is going to be choosing the Hope Award for best blog from the blogs that participate.  The list closes at 11:59 p.m. EST on May1st (Sautrday)–the end of NIAW.

So please, relax a bit more and hear about Charlie the caterpillar (so named after the man who owned the chocolate factory), and then, stop reading blogs and go write!


When I went to pick up the twins from their grandparent’s house, I was told about the newest member of our family, a caterpillar named Charlie Sammy Ford.  My mother knows me–she raised me, speaks to me daily, and shares a People subscription with me.  But someone must have clocked her on the head and made forget everything she knows about my core personality traits because she HONESTLY THOUGHT THAT I’D LET THE TWINS BRING THE CATERPILLAR HOME.

This happened, by the way, the same day that I picked up a bottle of Raid’s new barrier spray.

I know caterpillars are not crickets, but frankly, they are a close relative and live in the same general vicinity as crickets.  Please, do not tell me about how you’d let people bring a whole caterpillar army into your house and feed them croissants at your kitchen table.  That is your house.  Mine is a caterpillar-free zone (thanks to the aforementioned Raid spray).

We left Charlie at my parent’s house, and my father emailed the twins updates about their pet caterpillar through the evening.  And I shuddered.  I just shuddered and shuddered.


The Weekly What If: what if (disregarding all safety issues) you could have any animal in the world as a pet who would live in your house?  For the sake of this what if, let’s not get into an argument about how taking an animal out of its natural habitat is cruel.  Let’s pretend the animal would love it.  So would you want a dolphin swimming in the big pool you’d magically have in your kitchen?  A lion sleeping at the foot of the bed?  A monkey coming along on the family road trips?


And now, the blogs…

The Road Less Traveled has a post about feeling invisible, in particular “the visibility of pregnancy versus the invisibility of loss and grief, the visibility of the childed versus the invisibility of the childless, the visibility of the young & beautiful (& presumably fertile) versus the invisibility of the aging (women in particular).”  She uses two other posts in the blogosphere to explore a feeling of invisibility as well as a discomfort of being in the spotlight.  It’s a really interesting read.

Maybe Momma Some Day talks about coming out about her infertility on Facebook and the virtual crickets she heard from the majority of her friends.  She writes, “There are about a half of a dozen friends who have commented, all showing amazing support, and everyone else has been silent.  I wasn’t really expecting a barrage of comments, but I was expecting more then I got.”  Coming out also means that she walks the fine line between scaring someone who hasn’t even started trying to death while helping them to understand why they shouldn’t waste time.

Moving on to the Next Plan has a post about two different instances where she cried.  The first, an off-hand, thoughtless joke brings her to tears and the second, the kindness of a parent who will do anything to help his child also makes her cry.  It’s a really lovely balance of both ends of an emotional see-saw.

Lastly, Expecting the Unexpected, has a post about helping a friend as only one who has been there in the deepest trenches can.  She talks her through the fears of her next IVF cycle.  Later in the post, she tells of something her friend’s friends did: “Her girlfriends took her out for a lunch a couple of weeks ago and called it her sending fertile wishes lunch which I loved, I mean what a great idea and to me that does show that they are thinking about her even if they fully don’t understand.”  I also loved that idea and tucked it into a mental pocket.

The roundup to the Roundup: for the love, go write your Project IF post!  Caterpillars…need I say more?  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.  Plus, I got to meet Little Steps to Baby Steps while she was in town this week!  Go give her good thoughts for the wait until her beta.


1 Kir { 04.30.10 at 9:35 am }

I have to say that I am proud of myself (because I am not normally) for not only getting my post up early, but for facebooking, dontating to resolve and I have read (as of yesterday) at least 50 of the 100 posts. I will read them all. This is my present to myself, to read what others have to say ..I’ve found some incredible blogs with incredible women and have been in tears all week. But it’s worth it, because ALL of us are worth it, our infertility isn’t fair, but if it helps to know that we are all here together…well that has to mean something.

I would want a giraffe. I know they are stinky (maybe I could wish mine wasn’t??) it could live in our house and help me reach things instead of John…the boys could ride on him and he and I could munch on salad. There could be a great skylight in our house where he could be comfortable…Yep a giraffe.

TGIF, thanks for everything this week, Mel. You’re awesome.

2 Delenn { 04.30.10 at 9:50 am }

I got off my duff and did the post thingee….do I get to have a black panther now?!

You made me chuckle about the catepillar. I would have been your worst nightmare as a child–I LOVED bringing home any and every animal, insect or other. I had pet CRAWFISH. A catepillar was probably one of the cleanest things I brought into my house as a child! 🙂

As an adult I have had dwarf hamsters, chinchillas (3 of them), an iguana (2 of them, both died), a turtle, and a cat. (I would have a dog, but hubs don’t like ’em)

So…black panther, please?

3 Steph { 04.30.10 at 10:16 am }

I posted yesterday – yay! 🙂 It was good for me and I can’t wait to read everyone else’s and find more blogs to follow and learn from.

Any animal – can I have 2 or 3!? I’m a bit obsessed with penguins and elephants. If the elephant could stay a baby – yes please, but I’ve heard male elephants in their teenage years get crazy and rowdy (much like human teenage boys, no?!) Due to that, I’d go with a penguin. SO SO cute! I’d even take my hubby, huskies and move to Alaska so the penguin could be a cold habitat, if need be.

4 Nicole { 04.30.10 at 10:17 am }

Imagine my surprise when I wandered over to the roundup today and found MY blog! Thanks Mel, that’s a real honor. And THANK YOU for all you have done this week and always for the ALI comminity. While you may not have intended to when you started, you have become our soldier.

I Promise my Project IF is in the works, it won’t be near as grand as Keiko’s (WOW), but its in progress.

Honestly my dream pet is the one I already have, beagles. Although to make it a dream, I would have a ranch with 3 acres fully securely fenced and a whole pack (like 12 or 13) beagles who can run and play all day…then they all come and snuggle with my hubby and me in our triple king sized bed (so we all fit comfortably) at night. Oh and a staff to deal with feeding and cleanup 🙂

5 Heather { 04.30.10 at 10:42 am }

I want otters…I love them.

6 Heather { 04.30.10 at 10:43 am }

Also, because I made BigP promise that if we never had a baby I could have one. He was obviously glad we had a baby but he was also extremely happy that he didn’t have to get me a baby otter.

He would loathe for me to have an otter.


7 Keiko { 04.30.10 at 10:58 am }

Mel, I can’t thank you enough for featuring my video on your blog. The view count has already exceeded the previous rates of the past 3 days in terms of views per hour.

And my pet… I’m gonna go with a stegosaurus. My reasons:

1. They are awesome looking.
2. Instant jungle gym.
3. Instant clothes drying rack, in a pinch.
4. Spiky defensive tail keeps away burglars and small vermin from the yard (yes, I’m afraid Steggie will have to be an outside pet).
5. Herbivore- good for the grocery budget.
6. Did I mention it’s a stego-effing-saurus?

I rest my case. Wait, what case? Lol – great what if question this week 🙂


8 loribeth { 04.30.10 at 11:20 am }

I may generally be uncomfortable in the spotlight, but any time you feature one of my posts in the Friday Roundup or Kirtsy, I feel like I won an Oscar. : ) Thank you!

I am so glad you shared Keiko’s video, too — I thought it was fabulous. I had a hard time wading through the Creme de la Creme list last year — so many posts to read, all at once! — but I’ve been able to keep up with reading the “What if?” posts as they come in, & there is some wonderful food for thought there. I hope they get the audience they deserve, not only among those of us who know & love this community but those outside who would benefit from a greater understanding of infertility & its impact.

I share your feelings about creepy-crawly things. :p I’m generally not a pet person, in part because I don’t think it would be fair to an animal when dh & I are out of the house 11-12 hours a day. But assuming this hypothetical pet also has a hypothetical caretaker while I’m out — I would go with a penguin too. Or maybe a koala. They look so cuddly. He or she could curl up with me on the couch while I watch TV.

9 Calliope { 04.30.10 at 11:37 am }

WOW!! Keiko’s video was amazing. Thank you for sharing that here.

& I think a caterpillar would make a fine penpal (so many pens!!) but not so much a fine pet.

I am drawing a blank on what animal I would love to share a space with. Maybe a robot animal that would clean and cook??

10 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 04.30.10 at 12:07 pm }

If I could have any animal living with me, it would be our former Bengal Cat, Achilles. Bengals are a rare and expensive breed of cat. He found his way to our house and stole our hearts. He was actually a step below the actual Asian Leopard Cat. He was such a “mensch” of a cat.

When the DH used to mow the lawn, he would follow along like a dog. He loved water of all kinds. He lived for catnip and would get trashed (drunk) on it. Then he would create all kinds of mayhem.

I miss him because, he was so wild he could not be tamed. He refused to live in the house and one day, he was stolen. If you google Bengal Cat, you will see why. We put signs up for him, but he was gone. I miss him and will never forget Achilles.

We cannot have animals due to the boys’ asthma and severe pulmonary problems so Achilles remains an elusive dream animal.

11 Bleu { 04.30.10 at 12:31 pm }

A polar bear…just so I could have a chance to hug it. I have always dreamed of hugging a polar bear.

12 Heidi { 04.30.10 at 12:32 pm }

A flamingo of course!!! I’d love a whole flock of flamingos!!

(Did I ever tell you that I had a pet cricket growing up. His name was Ferdinand. My mom wouldn’t allow him in the house, but I would sneak him in on the chilly nights.)

13 Heather { 04.30.10 at 1:56 pm }

a hippo.

14 Tigger { 04.30.10 at 2:02 pm }

That video – made me sob, something I don’t normally do when watching IF videos or reading posts. It takes something truly powerful to do that. Thank you – for posting what Keiko made.

15 Wishing4One { 04.30.10 at 3:18 pm }

Keikos video was more than amazing, wow just wow man! It should run on TV i say. Any animal… hmm. Maybe a kangaroo, because you know they would love being here and they would not jump and kick like they do in their natural habitat. I think they are so cute and could help me in the kitchen and with cleaning…

16 Jonelle { 04.30.10 at 4:39 pm }

I posted my “What IF on my blog on Wednesday and I was so glad I had the opportunity to write it. Thanks for allowing me to express the rawness of my “What if”.

Hmm, any pet I could have…a Black panther. I think they’d be fun to play with if its not trying to kill me first.

17 Battynurse { 04.30.10 at 4:49 pm }

Hmm. Any animal. I’m torn between some type of large cat or just more of the cats I already have.

18 Lut C. { 04.30.10 at 5:20 pm }

I’m glad you liked the post – well not ‘liked’ per se, you know what I mean.

Seeing the link to my blog wants me to hide in my corner even further, and there you are giving speeches on Capitol Hill. 🙂

19 niobe { 04.30.10 at 5:35 pm }

I’m not in a place where I can do a What If post right now. Because I just don’t want to think about it. But I very much appreciate everyone else’s.

20 Christy { 04.30.10 at 6:55 pm }

Penguins. I want a houseful of penguins. I’d get to spend all day chuckling at them… of course, I’d also have a house that smells like fish but I think the tradeoff would be worth it!

Also, I love reading all the other what-if posts. They’re awesome. I need to find some time to finish them.

21 queenie { 05.01.10 at 2:40 pm }

I did it, but I think mine’s weak, because in the pain Olympics, I know I got off pretty easy.

I’d like a tiger, please. If I could even just sink mt habnds in its fur once, I’d be in heaven. I was always so envious of 4iegfried and Roy. Welln unti the incident.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
The contents of this website are protected by applicable copyright laws. All rights are reserved by the author