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285th Friday Blog Roundup

On Tuesday night, I had a dream that I came home and Josh told me (in the most matter-of-fact voice in the world), that Lindsay had made copies of our house key and sent it out to numerous bloggers.  I walked into the dining room and N from Two Hot Mamas was crouching by the art drawers, rifling through the reams of tissue paper (she promised me that J had a copy of the key too and would be around in a bit).  And then, with disbelief that Josh was munching on a sandwich while people took apart our house, I looked in the kitchen and saw Calliope RUBBING OUR DISHES WITH PORK WHILE SMILING MANIACALLY.  As if I would be thrilled to have the kitchen treyfed.

I woke up and turned on the computer and I shit you not, Julie had written to me about the dream she had that night:

I had a super-sweet dream last night with you in it!

I don’t remember a lot about it except that we were at some sort of seaside location.  You were walking ahead with ChickieWol and VogNob, and you were holding their hands.  Your mother (!) was walking with me far behind, and she took my hand and arranged it in a very particular position.  And then she said, “Look at Melissa.”  And I looked, and you were holding each child’s hand in exactly the same funky way.  Your mother said, “That’s just how I used to hold her hand when she was a girl.”


I don’t know, it was just nice.  Nice to see you being the mom, nice to see your imaginary-entirely-in-my-head mom being touched by that, and nice to reflect, upon waking, on everything we bring to the table of parenting.

Anyone else?  Anyone?  Bloggers in your dreams?


By now you know the second part of Project IF and the posts that have come in have been incredibly moving.  It runs through May 1st, the end of National Infertility Awareness Week, and I’d really love to hit at least 250 stories.

As I said over in my BlogHer post on NIAW:

The winner for this year’s Hope Award will be chosen out of this list. It gives Resolve a chance to narrow the playing field (there are over 2300 blogs in the adoption/loss/infertility community) while also giving people an easy way to participate in NIAW. Too many times, people want to be involved, but are unsure how to do something active during the week.

The blog posts contained on the list will also be presented to the media and lawmakers through Resolve’s advocacy work. Consider the list a doorway that those outside the experience can step through in order to have insight into the world of infertility. While individual stories may not be newsworthy, a critical mass of bloggers using social media for a cause is of note; there is strength certainly in numbers. This gives bloggers a chance to explain to the general public that there’s more to the news story than IVF as a panacea or whatever extreme case is being held up as the norm. That while there is a physical side of the diagnosis, there is a clear emotional side too.

The best part of this project is that it is open to everyone in the blogosphere–infertile or not. It is clear that those experiencing infertility have something to say about it, but with 7.3 million Americans diagnosed, chances are that your sister, your friend, your cousin, or your coworker is experiencing infertility. And you have a voice you can lend to the cause in order to help that sister, friend, cousin, or coworker. For everyone who wants to participate, Project IF is open until May 1st.

Damn there are a lot of indentations in this post.  But I thought those were thoughts worth repeating in case you missed them.


The Weekly What If: If you suddenly had the money (and it was earmarked for this purpose) to purchase a vacation home, where would you buy it?  You would still need to keep your current residence and couldn’t live in this vacation home for more than a few weeks a year, so it would be a place to visit rather than a place to inhabit.

I’d pick a house in Chincoteague–close enough to not stress about how to get there, far enough away that it feels like a real vacation, beach, biking, great Vietnamese food…


And now, the blogs…

Flotsam has a post about the draw of being anonymous on the Internet.  Starting with a story from the world’s creepiest ex-boyfriend (seriously, was he sitting online since the break-up waiting for her to come?), she points out that while there are benefits to being out online, there are also drawbacks to losing that anonymity, but in both cases, “The problem with these restrictions is that sometimes something comes along that falls outside them, but is so big that not writing about it feels like lying.”  What she tells is for the sake of filling in the gaps of the online record, and even without going into the specifics, she creates a little sigh of words, a pause for all to sit in for a moment and consider the fragility of marriage.

Our Incredible Journey has a powerful, raw post calling out those who judge without standing in her shoes.  About how community peels away when you have a special needs child.  She writes, “And you know what (it’s not a big secret!): Jack doesn’t know that he’s disabled. It’s the rest of the world that does. It’s their stigma that he faces.  And it’s wrong.”  I had chills reading the post.

Weebles Wobblog has a post about a session she did with a therapist.  Whether or not she actually got a glimpse of a past life in unimportant in the sense that this experience cleared the way for her current life to unfold.  A really powerful experience that will make you wish you could have a session with Ethel too.

Infertility Musings talks about a terrible evening she had this week.  I was drawn to her deep honesty, to placing her life bare on the figurative table and taking a deep breath in the process.  It is mostly about how men and women (or, actually, any two people) process their grief and stress differently.  It is about his reaction to her reaction.  And I hope they came to a place of peace.

Lastly, the Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow (I Hope) has a post about the repeating phrase, “I just don’t understand.”  It is an incredibly moving post; the internal scream that comes from deep grief.  And I don’t think you’ll be able to read it without crying, even knowing the other events that unfold over the rest of the week for her.

The roundup to the Roundup: weird dreams abound.  Please participate in Project IF and change the way the general public understands infertility.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great blogs to read.



1 Kir { 04.23.10 at 8:38 am }

Morning Mel (and others 🙂
I guess I’ll start???

I am working on my project Post, it’s hurting me to write some things, in that I am crying a lot, at work. But It’s coming along.

I would purchase a house in Cape May NJ…my little home away from home. Because it’s beautiful, I love it’s little shops, because you wake up and see the ocean, it just doesn’t get better than that.

I dream about bloggers all the time. Not in the most signifigant ways, but I do find when I am stressed or making a decision about something, one of you comes to me and helps me…keeps me company while I do it.


2 Michelle { 04.23.10 at 9:04 am }

I am also working on my post. Been a rough end of the week and I didn’t feel like crying.
My house would in the Outer Banks of NC. It is my favorite place to go and it doesn’t require an airplane to get to.

3 loribeth { 04.23.10 at 9:08 am }

I don’t remember my dreams as well as I once used to, but if I find myself dreaming about you or another blogger, I will let you know!

Thinking about what to write for Project IF…

My first inclination re: the Weekly What If would be Cannon Beach, Oregon, because I’ve been there three times & absolutely love it. But I doubt I’d turn down a vacation spot in some other waterfront location — Cape Cod, PEI, even Muskoka (here in Ontario). I do find myself attracted to water. I think it’s soothing.

4 Heather { 04.23.10 at 9:36 am }

You are too nice to me.

I don’t dream much. I daydream a lot though! 😉

If I had a house it would be on St. Simon’s Island. Or somewhere quiet and remote. Where I could hide and no one would know I was there!

5 Kate (Bee In The Bonnet) { 04.23.10 at 11:00 am }

I have dreams featuring bloggers all the time. They’re just as real to me as my “real life” friends, so I guess it makes sense that they’d make cameos in my dreams. I can’t say I’ve ever found any of them rubbing pork on my silverware, though… I think you’re on your own freaky path with that one! 😉

If I had the budget, I would *so* buy an apartment in Berlin. Real estate is surprisingly cheap in the city, and it’d be great to have a place in the same country as the in-laws but without being in the same region (so we would be close enough to visit them, but it would have to be a planned, non-drop-in style visit…). Plus, Berlin is just awesome.

I’m so glad that you take the time to do the weekly write-ups around our corner of the blog world. I hadn’t seen Alexa’s post yet, and I’m glad you shared it (and the others, too).

6 HereWeGoAJen { 04.23.10 at 12:26 pm }

I dream about bloggers a lot. You’ve been in some of my dreams.

7 Amanda { 04.23.10 at 12:50 pm }

My hubby and I want a beach house in Oregon. We live in AK and it would be nice to go somewhere when we get sick of winter…

8 Calliope { 04.23.10 at 2:16 pm }

I often dream about bloggers- mostly the ones that I have met, but sometimes I dream about the ones I haven’t. I once had a dream about Niobe- she was Arianna Huffington! No. Really. The dream was about her telling me her “real” identity. When I finally met Niobe I discovered that she is actually cooler than Arianna. (at least the dream version!)

I would loooooooooooooooooove to have a house with an amazing view of Big Sur in California. Just a fireplace and a view. bliss

9 Elizabeth { 04.23.10 at 4:39 pm }

I can’t remember any specific details, but I do know I dreamed about Doc Grumbles recently.

10 Busted Kate { 04.23.10 at 4:41 pm }

GREAT Bloggers, and I’ve already caught most of these posts (equally awesome). Can’t wait to catch up on the rest this weekend. Thanks Mel!

11 susy { 04.23.10 at 4:43 pm }

TOO freakin’ funny! I just had a dream THIS WEEK about Flying Monkeys and she was at my house and we heard a strange sound coming from the living room and when we went to see it was weird gory stuff, but we weren’t scared, we were more intrigued and wanted to know more, so we started chatting about it, just standing there looking at this ugly-bloody-thing. Weird.

I haven’t even told her b/c when I think about it, I’m not in place to get online.

And, I think I’d like to buy a vacation home somewhere up north where it doesn’t get tooooo cold and scary winter (scary for me, b/c I’m in SoFla) yet, I’d be able to experience some nice winter weather. Or.. over on the West coast of Fl, off of Estero Beach Blvd. 🙂

12 Lavender Luz { 04.23.10 at 4:48 pm }

I love the idea of all us ALI bloggers connected by our dreams. I won’t bring bacon if I come to yours, like that treyf-y Calliope!

Thanks so much for the inclusion today, Mel. 🙂

13 Deathstar { 04.23.10 at 7:32 pm }

Bali. Definitely Bali. They say you can never go home again – but I always found that place restful, full of hope and faith and humility.

14 Baby Smiling In Back Seat { 04.23.10 at 7:56 pm }

I have dreamed separately about Lori from Weebles Wobblog and Carrie from Tubeless in Seattle.

I’d gladly take a vacation home in any number of European destinations: Paris, Copenhagen, Brussels, Tuscany, Barcelona…

15 Battynurse { 04.23.10 at 11:39 pm }

Ok so I have 11 posts from you in my reader. I’m slowly getting caught up.
I’ve dreamed about Bleu before. I think there have been others before but I can’t remember who.
My beach house would be at pismo beach. I’d have a hard time not spending a lot of time there though.

16 S.I.F. { 04.24.10 at 4:34 am }

I would buy my vacation home on Fraser Island in Australia. It is the largest all sand island in the world, and at the top there are these huge lakes entirely from rain water. They look like giant swimming pools. There are no fish in them at all – just these super clear bodies of water. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been for sure!

Plus, there are dingos everywhere! 🙂

17 IF Crossroads { 04.24.10 at 9:13 am }

I have tried over 10 times to write my Post and I can’t get through it. I’m motivated to put the words to the screen but they just are not coming.

I’ve often had dreams about bloggers. Especially when someone posts a particularly happy or sad event.
If I could have a vacation home anywhere it would be in the Outer Banks of NC. Like you, I’d like something simple, easy to access and a place that makes me smile.

18 T Lee { 04.24.10 at 11:19 pm }

Eek, what a crazy dream. I never remember much of my dreams- except that they are usually pretty crazy. Like, what I imagine an acid trip must be like- people in other people’s bodies, weird locations, vivid colors, etc…

I would give my left arm for a vacation home on a small lake in upstate NY. Probably in the Old Forge area. We could use it for weeks here and there, year round- kyaking, hiking, and swimming in the summer, snowmobiling in the winter (have you ever driven to dinner on and parked in the lot with a snowmobile?! It. is. AWESOME.).

19 TeamWinks { 04.25.10 at 7:50 am }

Back to dreaming about owning that vacation home in Costa Rica!

20 Edward Ramirez, MD { 04.25.10 at 11:18 am }

Just thought I would visit from ICLW…trying my best to keep up with those 5 a day! Thank you for giving me the opportunity to connect with so many very astute & courageous bloggers out there. I cheer for those who have succeeded despite numerous setbacks, feel despair for those who are about ready to give up, laugh with those who have a sense of humor…I realize as an infertility specialist that I am on the outside looking in, but my wife & I were once going through the same despair over 12 years ago before there were support groups. That is why I am participating in this blogosphere event this month. Conversation across all boundaries brings relevant issues & information to the forefront. Good luck to you and all those who follow you! ICLW #7

21 Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo { 04.25.10 at 12:42 pm }

Mel the links to Resolve aren’t working. I went gangbusters on a Project IF entry… just an FYI, I linked to the Resolve main page instead.

You rock woman. You provoke such incredible thought for me to write for my sons about my thoughts and feelings… so that down the road they understand my truth and reality of my feelings.


ICLW god only knows what number I am…

the grey lady

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