Posts from — February 2010

Snowpocalypse 2010, for us, started with a naked Yoda.

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Actually, it started with the first few flakes blinking through the sky as I picked the twins up at school.  I had dropped them off with the reminder that if the snow started falling in earnest before school was over, I was going to come to school and get them early and they were to come into the hallway without a fuss.  But the snow had held off until right before it was time to leave, regardless of the fact that I had been dreamily staring out the window for the prior hour.

While peeing and reading a magazine (multitasking!), I found a recipe for scones.  Scones?  I’ve never even liked scones but suddenly I needed to have scones.  And that pretty much sums up the feeling that Snowpocalyse has brought out in me.  Stock up on 24 eggs just in case the only thing I feel like eating is eggs?  Makes sense.  Buy two extra bottles of Delsym just in case someone in the house develops a cough?  Why not.

Our house is full of ingredients and art supplies and cleaning supplies yet my brain can only focus on what is not here.  And whatever is not here is what my heart fills with a longing to have.  I was suddenly consumed with the idea of making veggie broth except having not planned for this idea, lacked the necessary celery.  It seemed worth lying down on the kitchen floor and moaning about it.  “Nooooooooooooooo celery.  And we’ll be snowed in for weeks.  And all I want is soup.”

“So make something else,” Josh said unhelpfully.  “Make a baked potato for dinner.”

“I would sooner eat that dough-splattered sponge in the sink,” I told him.

“But you told me you wanted to make baked potatoes this weekend,” he pointed out.  “You bought all the ingredients to make loaded baked potatoes for dinner.”

But that was then and this is now.  And now, we’re snowed-in.

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I bought the ChickieNob and Wolvog sketch pads from the art store.  I got a new set of coloured pencils, markers, and blank puzzles.  I set up the ChickieNob in the kitchen with me as I attempted to make scones despite not having some key ingredients such as heavy cream.

She was delighted with the idea of all her pictures remaining in one place.  She started out with her usual princesses and ballet dancers and then branched out into new territory.  She drew a Spectro-man from Disney’s Spectromagic parade, the mask inexplicably glowing red (“a reflection,” she answered mysteriously.  Of what?  A sea of blood?  A wall of flames?).

She drew a rather dour Luke Skywalker towering over the ChickieNob and her brother.

And she drew a naked Yoda.

“Why do you suppose he’s naked?” the ChickieNob asked me.

“I don’t know.  You drew him.  Why did you draw him naked?” I asked back.

“He just crawled out of the swamp this way.  I think it’s so interesting that he doesn’t have any clothes on.  I just like looking at him like this.”

And so the family stared at the naked Yoda and the snow continued to come down.

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Scones made without heavy cream, it turns out, don’t really taste like scones at all.

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I’m not sure what draw the snow has over rationality.  On any normal Friday afternoon, I’d be home regardless.  I’d be making the challah and reading a book with the twins and coming up with plans to convince Josh that we really need a guinea pig and enlisting the twins in said plan.  On a normal Friday in the winter, it would be clear outside, but we wouldn’t go anywhere.

And yet the snow on the ground outside threw my routine into chaos.  Make dinner?  How the hell was I supposed to make dinner with snow outside?  What did you say–make dinner with the ingredients in the refrigerator and pantry?  For the love of G-d, who do you think I am?  Wonder Woman?  Do you really think I have the mental capacity to release my mind from thinking about the snow in order to consider how many eggs go into making a pot of matzo ball soup?

But there’s also something about snow that brings out the pioneering spirit, the chalutzim that lays dormant inside of us, just waiting to be challenged by the idea of making veggie stock sans celery.  I pulled together this and that, a carrot and onion and the parsley I had the forethought to purchase even though I never expected to want matzo ball soup during this storm.

And in the end, we had a snow feast.  Which is something that can only happen when you have a sea of time and nowhere to go.

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For someone who has lived through quite a few huge storms, the latest of which was under two months ago, I am uncharacteristically nervous about this one and I don’t know why.  We barely have accumulation right now; the majority of the storm will fall overnight.  And maybe that’s it–the storm in the dark, the waking hours with the world outside changed.

I was gleeful when I first heard about the storm, excited as I stocked up on supplies and books.  But by this morning, a knot had formed in the pit of my stomach and I’m going through the evening feeling edgy.  The storm has already begun so it isn’t the anticipation of it anymore.  It’s just the unknowns that lurk in the dark.

Another dispatch tomorrow.

Snowmageddon is happening at some point today, 24 inches of snow dumped on the greater DC area.  I could not be more excited to be stuck inside our house.  I gleefully stocked up on movies and books from the library, purchased art supplies from the craft store, and braved a two-hour visit to the food store to get baking essentials.  Every two minutes I turn to Josh and crow, “we are going to be snowed in, baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybee!”

We started our prep on Wednesday during that snow storm.  The twins and I trekked to the library to get books and movies and I perused the shelves trying to pick some good things that Josh might like.  After all, it is the library so if you take something out which sucks, no harm no foul and you return it.

The joke in my family is that I was a gay man in my past life, what with my penchant for Stephen McCauley novels, Jeffrey, and bathhouses.  I came this close to checking out Longtime Companion, but I put it back on the shelf.  I also would like it noted for the record that I did not subject Josh to My Own Private Idaho for the 56th time.

So I bring home my library treats and unpack them for him.  “Did you get this movie for me or for you?” he asked, holding up one of the discs.

“For you!” I exclaimed.  “It’s about the Rolling Stones.”

“What makes you think that it’s about the Stones?”

“The title!  The Boys in the Band.  Who else are the boys?”

“Mel, The Boys in the Band is about gay men living in New York City. I assumed you got this for you.  Did you read the back of the box?”

“No…it was covered up by the checkout sticker.”

I thought the movie looked interesting but since you can only have out 10 movies at a time and I already had 9 movies for myself, Josh had me return it and take out one he wanted to watch.  As I put it down on the check-in counter at the library, I said to the librarian, “this movie isn’t about the Rolling Stones.”

You know, in case she thought so too.

She looked at the cover and shook her head, “um…no…quite not.”

I guess she wasn’t tricked by the title.

I also braved the liquor store to get Josh shmancy beer, standing in a long line with other alcohol-consumers, who all seemed a mite nervous to be snowed in.  The store was absolutely gutted–I got one of the two last packs of Magic Hat.  I almost took photographs to document the snow frenzy of 2010, but decided that would make me look strange as I was standing in line.

I have sketch pads and tissue paper and new markers and the first season of the Muppet Show and 24 eggs and a bag of oranges.  We have instated a no-bickering rule in the house with consequences for anyone who snows on my parade (get it?  It’s a snow joke).  I say bring on the snow.  Oh, but please please please don’t let us lose power.

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The Wolvog decided last Friday, which was coincidentally also a snow day, that he wanted to learn chess.  I said sure and pulled out my crappy chess set warning him several times that he would find the game frustrating and confusing and in the end, would possibly become so disoriented that he would chew off his own hand instead of moving his rook to A5.

It has happened, I think.  They made a movie about it called Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Wait.  Are you going to tell me that Hedwig isn’t about a chess grandmaster who is frustrated with those one-inch squares on the chess board?

Anyway, we sat down to play chess, I explained all the pieces and how they are allowed to move, and the object of the game.  And then I set him loose.  And decimated him in a few moves.  It’s not that difficult to win against a five-year-old who is not convinced that you mean it when you tell him that his king is in check.

Afterwards he howled about how I was mean.  I was mean and should have allowed him to win and now we needed to play again so he could have one hundred moves and finally beat me.  And I explained that not only would I never “let” him win so he should know every time he beats me that he did it on his own merit, but that games aren’t about holding on to who wins or loses but instead enjoying the time together deep in chess-like thought and then starting over again and again.  Except we wouldn’t be starting over again with chess because he was too young for the game and I was going to kick his ass every round.

He agreed and said that fourteen was a better age.

It’s important to me that he learns how to let go–of both the wins and the loses.  Because the good buzz that comes from a win is fleeting and the sadness that comes with a loss can hang around too long.  And if I can teach him to be more zen about games, I will feel that I have done my job.  As a Juddhist and as a parent.

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The Weekly What If: What if it was proven that happiness could be obtained by drinking snow laced with dog pee.? This what if has an obvious shelf-life–once the snow melts, the happiness elixir is gone.  And part of the what if is that you wouldn’t get sick from drinking the snow nor would you know the dog that produced the pee.  Would you drink the snow in order to gain at least a year’s-worth of happiness (remember–it would be a mental state, not a promise of actual good things happening)?

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We are hardcore into Purim prep.  On the basket menu this year: sweet and salty butter pecan cookies, homemade oreos, my chocolate chip cookies, hamantaschen, peanut butter crisp candy, vanilla latte toffee, lollipops, and G-d knows what else will be added in the end.  And yes, I am giving away a basket as I always do (I just pick someone out of the comment section) and there will probably be a second chance to win one of my baskets on another person’s blog.  Details to come next week…

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And now, the blogs…

I thought this was a really important post by Hold My Hope about how many embryos to transfer when the choice isn’t clear.  She explains the thought process they used to make the decision and I just thought she explained it in such a way that anyone could use her guidelines in the future to help them make their own decision.

Wishing4One has a post about her grandmum.  And even though I obviously never knew Wishing4One’s grandmum, her description made me smile, even if it was bittersweet with the story of the little girl that comes towards the end.  It is a post that will make you think of your own grandmother.

This post, by The Sweet Life, made me bawl.  And I’m not sure I can say more than that except that it was beautiful and moving.

Mommy-in-Waiting’s Blog has a post about holding it together at work only to fall apart at home.  She explains how she holds those feelings at bay while racing through 80 hours of work a week and then on the weekends, “It’s like the shiny bit gets dull, the happy bit gets miserable and the laughing part just starts crying and crying and crying.  I know it’s because when I am home and don’t have work to distract me, the reality comes crashing down. ”  It’s really a wonderful post.

Lastly, Are You Kidding Me? has a fantastic post comparing the human tendency to boil down life into the computer language of basic and how the if/then statements become untrue in the face of emotions.  Having what amounts to a happy life on paper doesn’t by itself create happiness (but the real question is whether she would be willing to drink dog pee to get it).  Logic simply isn’t applicable in discussing a life or the way we feel, as much as people attempt to do this (usually to the effect of annoying the receiver).

The roundup to the Roundup: it’s Snowmageddon!  Teaching the Wolvog the zen of games.  Answer the Weekly What If.  Purim basket giveaway coming up next week.  And lots of great blogs to read.

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

Tomorrow is Josh and my ten year dating anniversary (we have an utterly fantastic how-we-met story, but that is fodder for a different post).  We went out for sushi.  A few days earlier, the skies had dumped an inordinate amount of snow (hmmm…feeling familiar this week) on Washington and there were huge greying snow piles outside.

He picked me up at my apartment building.  I wore swingy black pants, a white shirt, and a periwinkle sweater (remember how in periwinkle was ten years ago?  What happened to that colour?) with black, high-heeled mary janes.  I had my hair down.

We went out for sushi because of a joke from when we set up the date a week beforehand.  I ordered kappa maki.  He convinced me to try the gourd rolls.  He never asked me to order gourd rolls again.  He drank a lot of green tea and ended up needing to pee four or five times during the meal.  I thought he might have a bladder problem.  Every time he left, I checked my reflection in my silverware to make sure I didn’t have seaweed between my teeth.

I liked him so much.

We talked a lot about Ireland.  He had been years earlier.  I had a ticket and was set to leave in a few weeks.  They had to close the restaurant, so we walked down the street to a bookstore and wandered around for a bit.  We really didn’t want the date to end.  I would have invited him up to my apartment but the super had been doing work in my apartment and every dish I owned was on my living room floor.

We stopped on the sidewalk outside my apartment building where crazy Alice was waiting behind the front desk.  He pushed my hair off my face with his left hand, slowly cupped my cheek, and kissed me for the longest time.  He told me that he was going to drive home smiling.

I went upstairs and called my mother and my best friend and told them both that I had met the man I would marry.

And I did.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.

Instead of going through the whole explanation again about how this giant love fest came to be, let’s save the space because you can click here to read about the project and find out how you can participate in the next one.

The words below come from the hearts of others around the blogosphere.  If your blog is featured below, I hope you carry these good thoughts with you, use them to continue writing and continue putting your heart out there.

• Sprogblogger: Susan is one of the nicest people I know in blogland–she is funny, direct, thoughtful, and a terrific writer.  But mostly, it’s her straight-up honesty that has kept me reading.  She doesn’t sugar-coat, dance around, or keep very personal things personal.  I have tried to write more like her every since I found her because I admire how open she is every single day with us.
• Where the Wright Day Takes You: I love this blog because I always feel at home here.  The topics and posts usually feel as if they could be written by me.  She’s honest and caring and loves the Outer Banks!!  How can you not love a blogger that loves the Outer Banks!
• Edenland: What is not to love about Eden? She is honest, funny, and thoughtful. She tells you like it is–straight from her heart.  Eden is all of that and so much more.  She is truly awesome!
• Destined to Be an Old Woman with No Regrets…: Lindsay is a wonderful read….she touches your heart with the truthfulness of her words….she is a wonderful cook, and posts beautiful photographs. Also, she is a wonderful support to those she follows, and not only are her words kind, but they are also very soothing. I have been reading her blog for a long while now, and I am always looking forward to reading her posts. Needless to say, I am so happy to have found her.
• Destined To Be An Old Woman With No Regrets: Lindsay has overcome many obstacles to get where she is today.  Now, she’s taking us through her PPD and still putting up beautiful photos that she takes.
• Destined To Be An Old Woman With No Regrets: The Steadfast Warrior is a very honest writer, not afraid to bare her soul and share even her most difficult times.  In doing this, she helps spread a little light of hope for so many.  A little light that tells others they are not alone.  She also posts some amazing photographs – many of them tell just as much of a story as her blog posts.
• Conceive This!: I love Murgdan’s humor! She is now pregnant (yay!), but still so humble and cautious and always make us laugh! I am so glad she is still blogging, you never know what you’ll read when you visit. If you haven’t you have to and then you’ll be hooked!
• Venting Vagina: First off who wouldn’t love her blog name. She is currently in her 2ww and writes with some awesome humor but with reality. I just love her and I bet you will too.
• Heidi’s Notes from Vermont: Just a very funny, Jewish gal up in Vermont. We are so different, but have so much strangely in common. Her blog gives a great laugh and she is just a crazy funny cool blogger. She was phone sex operator once too, LOL!
• A Woman My Age: I knew this blog was special when just the other day I was telling a coworker about a “friend” I “met” two years ago who just adopted a baby boy and I recounted some of her journey.  I talked about her as though I knew her intimately as I would have any friend.    With Death Star you have this sense that you are in her living room, sharing a cup of coffee and chatting. And I don’t even know her real name or what she looks like.
• Twangy Pearl the Elastic Girl: An excellent attitude and fantastic illustrations make this blog a high point.  The dachshund drawings are adorable, the horse animations are incredible.  And through it all runs a thread of optimism and joie de vivre that is infectious.
• One Eye Open and Dreaming: Flying Monkeys has a unique and amusing perspective on life.  For example, a recent post included pictures of the beauty of the Grand Canyon contrasting with an eagle dining on road kill and an interesting road sign.  She also makes cupcakes that look so good, I want to crawl into the screen to eat them!
• I’m A Smart One: Fundraising for Parenthood for Me, wacky conversations, amazing family moments, the plight of today’s children…this blog has everything.  Plus, soon, we will get to see Frank perform!
• I’m a Smart One: What can I say about Kym? She’s amazing. She is so supportive, funny, charming and always the first to reach out and share her love. I admire her strength and tenacity, and the strong spirit of giving back and paying forward that she exhibits in the ALI community and in her real life.
• Creating Motherhood: Calliope’s blog is the one that either rush to read first or save to savor last in my blog reading.  She’s shared her IF journey,  caregiving for her grandmother who had alzheimers as well as everyday life with it’s ups and downs.  I really appreciate her honesty and openness as well as how she looks out for others in the IF blogging community by being a steadfast commentor and encourager of them.  She takes fantastic photos which I never tire of and it’s always fun to see her header artwork change.  Cali has got to be one of the most creative people out there!  I love Cali’s style of writing… it makes me feel like I’m out with one of my girlfriends for coffee – just sharing what’s going on and providing laughter and support!
• Our Family Beginnings: Lindsay is a combination of biting wit, super-smartness, and enormous heart.  She is the glue that holds together TOOTPU, the DC face-to-face group.  She is an amazing mother, an amazing friend, and though I’m not inside her marriage, I’d venture a guess to say that she is also probably an amazing wife.  The blogosphere is a better place because of her.
• Mrs. Spit … Still Speaking Out: Cheryl is not only a talented writer, she has a huge heart and this is evident in much of what she writes.
• In Our Own Weird Way: If I could pick one blogger to sit down and have a cup of coffee with or enjoy a dinner, it would be Ms. J.  Not only is she honest, but her humor speaks to me.  She writes so openly and honestly about her experiences, that you can’t help but feel connected to her.  I appreciate her candor, and look forward to following her as her little family continues to expand.  Ms. J, you are one phenomenal woman!
• Dragondreamer’s Lair: Kristin is always supportive and loving and kind and realistically upbeat and there for the entire ALI community. It would take an entire blog to mention all the ways she has done wonders for me and others, but suffice it to say that she is a CHAMP. One day, I’m going to start a crochet group just so that I can invite her as the Most Honored Member.
• Dreaming of Quiet Places:  Quiet Dreams is a woman of great strength, compassion, kindness and love. She always provides supportive and thoughtful comments on my blog, even when I’ve been a jerkheard and haven’t commented on hers in ages. I consider her a friend, one that I admire and respect, and I truly hope that we get to hang out in real life one day.
• Apron Strings for Emily: Emily writes beautifully, about what it is to live as a family of 2. She writes about her identity as a person, a wife, a music junkie, a nurse-manager and an infertile woman.  She talks about not just what it is to be infertile, but what it means to make that part of your life, to integrate it into your marriage, your hopes, your dreams and your cultural identity. She speaks, eloquently about the need to maintain yourself and your sanity and your relationships at the forefront of your life, inspiring me to live a life that is whole and full.
• Everything Happens at the Right Time: Everything Happens is a real life friend of a friend for me, and our mutual friend spoke so highly of Everything’s courage, wisdom and tenacity.  She reminds me that the most important attitude we can have in our struggles is resilience, informed by hope and determination.  She’s honest and smart and kind, loves those around her, and never fails to balance the hurt and sadness of infertility with the joy in her life.  I’m thankful to know her.
• Weebles Wobblog: Her writing is infused with this sense of peace, as if she has taken a deep breath before she writes and she passes along this peace to the reader as well.  She has opened my eyes to open adoption.  She embraces all who come into her path and we are all lucky that she shares her world with us.
• Here We Go Again: There is so much that I can say about HereWeGoAJen, but I will say what so many of us in the ALI community can say about her – she is our cheerleader, our bringer of kleenex and chocolate, our commiserator, our celebrator and most importantly, she is our friend.  If I could take only one thing with me, from this community, it would be Jen. I am blessed beyond all measure to have her in my life.
• LifeDeathPreeclampsia’s Blog: Life and Death doesn’t blog as much as she used to, but she is no less a part of my life. I think about her and her 2 lovely children often, and she is a surprising source of comfort and information.  She pops into my inbox and on my facebook page when I least expect it, bringing me words of wisdom and good cheer that I didn’t realize I desperately needed.
• Of Cabbages and Kings: Jen is whip freakin’ smart. Her writing is this great amalgam of humor and heart. When I found her blog I immediately devoured the archives, and I wondered how it took me so long to stumble upon it. She leaves the most thoughtful comments–full of even clarity and gentle sentiment–like the big sister I never had. Gotta love it.
• Little Blue Birds Fly: Bluebird is the sort of giving person who doesn’t realize that she is so giving. She, through her blog, allows us to see and participate in her life, bringing a depth of experience to my life, that makes me a better person.  I know she struggles with the give and take of the blog world, feeling like she can’t post if she’s not reading, but I don’t think she understands how many she touches and the joy she brings.  She brings me fresh perspective, and another way to look at things. She takes me places I wouldn’t otherwise go, and I’m terribly thankful.
• Oh, The Possibilities: Seraphim is exactly what her name depicts, not just an angel, but a strong one. The Seraphim weren’t your grandma’s angels, fluffy white, playing on harps.  Nope, these angels are all about strength and power and determination, just like this blogger. I’m lucky to read her posts, and still enthralled that she can out swim a shark.  But I won’t be coming to swim in her ocean any time soon, just saying.
• The Road Less Travelled: I sure hope this blog gets lots of ode’s. I hope LoriBeth is drowning in Odes.  She  is the view that is so rarely spoken of – a mother who misses her Katie, but still continues to live her life. She reminds me to be of great courage and strength, and she posts some great articles too.  Also, she scrapbooks, and you can never have too many of those.
• The Road Less Travelled: I have learned so much from Loribeth, from living your choices with grace to what it is like to be child-free after infertility and the devastating loss of her Katie.  She is a wonderful writer, a caring person, and beautiful individual.
• Thinking Miracles: If I could make a miracle, if I could wave a wand, it would be for Heidi. I’d bless her with all the flamingo kitsch she could bear, and more than that, I’d have Blue and Honeydew with her and Jenn.  Families come in many shapes and sizes, and we don’t hear as much from lesbian families. These two have taught me so much, and I wish I could make their dreams come true.  I can’t, so I settle for following along, celebrating success, and trying to bear the load of sorrow.
• Service is Joy: I will start off by saying that Sarah DOES NOT POST ENOUGH.  Having said that, she is a tireless cheerleader for the perinatal death community. She is an educator, a care taker and a light for us.  We are singularly blessed and fortunate to have her in our midst.
• Bloorb This!: Chicklet has such a matter of fact and unapologetic way of blogging about life.  I recognize myself in so many of her stories, even the difficult ones, and she makes it easy to laugh at myself.  Better than that – she makes it okay to laugh at myself.  This is a blog I always look forward to a new post from!

Love this project?  Click here to read about it and find out how you can participate in the next one.  When is the next one?  That’s the beauty of it–you never know when these kind words will show themselves, though I always post once I have a critical mass of blurbs.

Am I the only one who is utterly shocked when I find someone via Facebook that I used to know and go through their photos to discover that they’ve aged? I mean, they have AGED. In all capital letters. With only little tufts of hair to use for a comb-over.

I inadvertently found a treasure trove of old friends today. It was like stepping back into high school and for whatever reason, though I have allowed others in my life to age naturally, these people have been stuck in my brain back in their seventeen-year-old bodies. I clicked on their names expecting to see shoulder-length, scraggly brown hair and ended up seeing baldness. The overbelly of a boy who used to be sticks and bones. Names changed, wedding rings around fingers, childrens’ faces smushed against their cheek.

My brain has never had this much trouble catching up.

And all I wanted to do, as I gleefully clicked though their photos, tried to guess who was their wife, had they been anywhere interesting in the last twenty or so years, was to call my old friend and tell her who I found. Share that with her.

It’s this element of loss that you never think about when a friendship ends. That one day, you’ll find the old group you hung out with and not be able to pick up the phone and tell her.