Love
Sometimes (meaning: I have dealt with this, though it certainly isn’t the feeling of all people that I encounter) people speak about meeting a partner or a friend via the Internet with contempt or embarrassment that I don’t really understand. Contempt by people who judge those relationships and embarrassment by people in them. Sometimes people refer to the offline world as “real life” as if the friendships that are made via blogging are somehow unreal in comparison. Perhaps I’m just anti-ranking in general, but I don’t think there is a superior way to bring love into your life.
Hi, my name is Melissa, and I met my friends over the Internet. And I’m proud to shout that to the world.
However you meet your partner or friends is unimportant if you have a partner or friends because honestly, think about just how much needs to line up to bring you to the people in your life. If I hadn’t annoyed Josh enough times beginning at 11 p.m., he wouldn’t have suggested that I start a blog. And if I hadn’t started a blog, I wouldn’t have searched out other DC blogs and so on and so on until I ended up in a living room today, surrounded by the most amazing, nurturing, funny, warm women you’ve ever met.
I am really fucking lucky.
Because I also know that there are too many people without friends. Or who have friends, but they don’t click on all levels. And what everyone needs is a group of women like this. Women that you can cry in front of and laugh with and never need to explain yourself.
Meghan and Leah with their ruby sippers. These two are so funny–they always crack me up.
Me and Sunny. My shirt is drenched with club soda from a bottle that exploded. But I needed my picture with Sunny because I was really proud of my bra and wanted her approval.
Bean, who is my friend, but is also my cousin. See, the Internet not only brings you friends, but it can bring you long-lost family.
Meghan laughing–I just liked this picture.
Leah teaching Paz and Cali how to make a ruby sipper.
Meghan, Lindsay, and Paz.
Paz chilling on the floor. Isn’t she so pretty and stylish?
Cali listening to Paz. I am so excited that she’s up here now.
I met Lindsay over the Internet, via our blogs–and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without her. For one, my Chanukkah table would have been a lot smaller. And I wouldn’t have my venting space, my park partner, or my computer fixer. I wouldn’t have the privilege of getting to see V grow or have someone to pass off baked goods upon. Thank you, Internets, for aligning just right.
A lot of TOOTPU was missing today, but from left to right: (top) Paz, Sunny, Jendeis, Meghan, Lindsay, Leah (bottom) Me, Cali, Lucy, and Bean.
Leah’s daughter took me to meet Elfie.
Cali, Meghan, Bean, and Paz.
The ever-lovely Jendeis, Cali, and Meghan.
These are in addition to the ones I uploaded in real time over at the on the road blog.
I love hearing stories of people who met over the Internet–of egg donors meeting up with recipients, of two friends who meet via blogs and go on holiday with each other, of a marriage resulting from a meeting via Match.com.
Tell me a story about someone you met online; about how the Internet has changed your life–even if they are someone you are deeply connected to even if you haven’t met face-to-face yet.
59 comments
I met a lovely person over the Internet. I’ve always said that her blog is the center of the IF universe and had I not found it, I would be in a looney bin right now. I thought she was brilliant, and wonderful, and funny, and giving, and truly amazing. Then I got to meet her in person. Guess what? She’s brilliant, and wonderful, and funny, and giving, and truly amazing, and beautiful, and is crazy enough to be my friend. I still pinch myself that I know you *in real life*. You, my love, are one of The Good Ones. 🙂
All I can say is SMOOCHES to my sweet girls. Thank you for being there today and making me leave the house.
Awww the pics looks soooo nice!!! I didn’ t know you lived in DC. i have tons of family there and my husband is going for a two week conference in a few months possibly. Could it be possible to meet up for lunch or coffee???
The internet has brought me one of the closest people in my life. I read this bloggers life and was touched by her strength as she struggled with a rare illness devic’s and maintained her faith and positivity throughout. When I went to SF for a conference I e-mailed her to see her. I really hesitated because I was so nervous to meet her after communicating via our blogs for two years. I’m so glad I did. She is now one of my dearest friends and she has been the one friend whose shoulder I have literally cried on about my miscarriages and infertility. We are now both pregnant and due within months of one another and I am so grateful for her friendship because without the internet I would never have known her.
There are some relationships that might be questionable on the internet, and we knowt here’s emotional manipulation like you once talked about, but how does this differ from “real life”? that’s just life in general. I for one am grateful for the connections I’ve made on-line.
I could wax poetic about meeting you (one of the reasons I love Peggy Orenstein) but I’m sure you already know how that story is turning out.
Wonderfully.
XOXO 🙂
Mean TOOTPU. Stealing my Cali. SEND HER BACK.
I met my husband on the internet eight years ago. Back then it was held in contempt much more widely than it is now. I have only recently gotten to the point where I feel like I can say, “We met on the internet,” and not feel like I owe a gigantic explanation. I actually have been writing about it on my blog over the last few weeks. This the post about how we initially made contact: http://ttc.shinkick.com/?p=170
My truest and most wonderful friend, I met through a message board just over two years ago. We’re two peas in a pod, and she’s really the back up to TH, solving all life dilemmas, big to small. We cry together, we laugh together, we tease about ugly photographs and we love each others pets like the children they are to each of us. The hardest part about our friendship is that we’re 4 hours away from each other and visits don’t come nearly as often as we’d like. I don’t know how I’d have made it through some of the hard days in these past two years, and I suspect she’d say the same. ♥
Great Pics! And another fabulous post.
I was lucky enough to meet Meg over at No Bun for the Oven a few months ago. It turned out we live like 6 miles away from each other! She introduced me to a group of other local bloggers who have changed my life. The only thing more amazing than sharing my deepest darkest feelings with this IF blogging community is sharing my deepest darkest feelings with a group of them over a bowl of Sizzling Rice Soup.
I’m actually getting together this Wednesday night with that particular group of ladies, and thanks to this post you’ve inspired me to post about the “love” I’ve found with them. Thanks again Mel.
I met my wife online, believe it or not. 😉 But it’s been such a huge part of my life ever since I up and left the nest for college that it’s hard for me to think of any part of my life that hasn’t been majorly effected by the internet, even if it didn’t result in me finding the love of my life and getting married.
I met Mr Oro online in 1996…we got married in 1999! So, y’know, good things there (even when we’re driving each other krazee)
And, y’know, a fellow infertile who read my blog but never commented emailed me the information about my clinic…for which I shall ever be grateful. I haven’t heard from her since, I know she was headed towards a program in Montreal or Quebec – I can only hope she was successful in her journey.
Oh I am absolutely green with envy that I wasn’t able to be with all of you today. I swear, you all are some of the reasons I can’t wait for the day when we can relocate to Maryland. As for who I’ve met on the internet, let’s begin with my wonderful hubby! Next, I also had the pleasure of meeting Lindsay and the super adorable V. The National Zoo simply wouldn’t have been the same without them! And furthermore, without you (and meeting you was a highlight of my trip to Maryland) and your wonderful blog I’m quite certain I’d be in the looney bin right now. And in fact, I can now see my infertility as a blessing ‘cuz I’ve been blessed to meet so many wonderful women!
I met Jen from “Despite the Best Laid Plans…” online, and we now see each other in person. She helped tremendously when we moved across the country (to her town) while pregnant, such as recommending the OB who delivered my son. Now that we are both parenting after infertility, I enjoy sharing birthdays and other milestones together — we have walked similar paths, and it’s neat to have someone who really understands how being a parent after IF can just be “different.”
You ladies look like you are having SUCH a blast! I’m so happy that you have all found each other!
I met a gal through blogging who lives right down the street from me! I couldn’t imagine a better friend. She’s been a wonderful sounding board as well as a shopping partner. I love that I can walk over to her house and have a cup of coffee. Or she can come down here for dinner and a glass of wine.
I’ve met many people through the internet and I’m so thankful for each and every one of them!
*HUGS*
I’ve travelled o/s to meet friends I frst got to know inside my computer.
People who type nice are also nice in real life.
g
I met the love of my life over the internet…she has been my wife for 4 years and my partner for 8 years and my greatest cheerleader.
I love her and I love the net for bringing her to me!
What a great bunch of women, I wish I was there.
I met Max on a dating website almost 10 years ago and have met some amazing women through blogging and messaging boards. I wish they were closer so we could meet up often. There are so many others I wish I could meet but live on the other side of the world. I am so grateful for the internet, my life would not be the same with out it.
I met my two great loves of my life via the internet. One I married.
I *heart* the internet for giving me Bikerman.
I *heart* the internet for giving me a friend I know will be there for me no matter what.
I *heart* the internet for giving me the support of the ALI blogosphere that I need more than ever right now – even though I’m yet to meet any of my fellow bloggers in real life.
A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.
I met my husband on the internet – six months after we first met, he whisked me away for a surprise weekend in Rome and proposed at the top of the Victor Emmanuel monument (aka the Wedding Cake).
Just this Saturday night we were out with a couple of friends that I met through a wedding planning internet forum – we went to both their weddings, and the six of us form an amazing pub quiz team.
I’ve also met people from the infertility forum I go on, and it’s amazing how we instantly connected the first time we met. Of course, I’d already shared things with them that none of my other friends or family knew, as they had with me. In fact, this Thursday night I’ll be whiling away the last evening before my official test day for IVF #2 with one of my friends from that forum – because I know she gets it.
I’m saving my story. I need to tell you in person.
I was actually thinking about this a few hours ago … can’t believe you wrote a post about it. Spooky!
XO
I have never had a Ruby Slipper. It looks dangerous and exciting.
I met my husband on the internet. It was very small in there. (yuk yuk) Actually, I admit that I am one of those people that is embarrassed to tell people that in general, because I ended up on Match.com I am completely inept in the dating arena. I didn’t go to bars much. I don’t date people I work with. Scrabble Club was not exactly teeming with exciting men. I was becoming one of those quirky alone people. I would eat a can of tuna and a half a bottle of wine for dinner. I was cycling too much. I was losing balance in the world. So, the girls I worked with all but insisted I do something to get me out of my dating funk. So, I signed up for a three month trial, and went on a date with a guy, who talked too fast and mispronounced everything. Awkward. Then a day before it was to expire, I felt like I had to use this damn subscription, and picked someone handsome who sent me a message. It was my husband. We went cycling. So, I often say we met cycling, because, you know, we did. But first, we sent each other an email.
Yay! 🙂
The most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, happened b/c of the internet. I met the love of my life through it. 🙂
I met this awesome chickypoo named Melissa. She’s so incredible. She runs this amazing blog and never ceases to either make me think, make my heart jump, or cry on an almost daily basis….(thank you for all you do…I’m so very lucky to have “found” you!)
I’m proud to say I met my darling husband on the internet. He likes to tell people that I bought him on ebay.
20 months ago I met a fantastic group of 7 women on a TTC message board. We all quickly became fast friends and formed our own little private message board. Soon thereafter 4 of the 8 became pregnant and left the remaining 4 still yearning for a pregnancy. 15 months later the 4 of us are still together, cheering each other on through IVF, Donor IUI, and pg.loss. But we will always be a family because we’ve seen the best (and the worst) of one another.
Without the internet, I’d obviously have never met one of my best friends (you, duh), the rest of the phenomenal and ever-growing TOOTPU gang, and I’d never have met Courtney who connected us to the agency that brought us together with our beautiful son. Some folks just don’t get it. And I totally want to crosspost this on my blog.
Awww — no fair making me cry before 9am! What Leah said, cause I can’t think of a better way to say it. 🙂
Love this post Mel! 🙂 I definately have referred to my friends that I didn’t meet over the internet as my “friends in real life” before and I appreciate your point of view that even friends that we meet online, but haven’t met in person are still our real life friends and in many cases we can have stronger/deeper bonds with them than some of the friends we met in other ways.
Funny note, when I read your first “ruby slippers” caption I recall thinking, okay so they are wearing ruby slippers… why did Mel comment on them and then not actually show them?! Then a few pictures later I realized you were referring to what they were holding/drinking! Sometimes I am a bit slow… LOL
The internet/blogging was huge in getting me through our struggle with SIF, pregnancy loss, our journey with our baby girl Molly (her short life and death) and our SPAL with our baby girl Abby. More recently Facebook has allowed me to reconnect and rebuild relationships with so many old friends from throughout my life and as you mentioned in your post (about family connections), I have even gotten to know some of my relatives that live far away better. I am sure there is a lot more I could say, but its early and I have to get going on my day.
Thank you for another great post and especially for encouraging us all to be loud and proud about our very real relationships that began or were enhanced by our communication on the internet! 🙂
I’m so sorry I missed it. The first meeting of the not-yet-named-TOOTPU occurred while I was on bed rest with the triplets. It was the only time I broke doctor’s orders and went out – and it was something I’ll never regret. I cannot imagine my life without all of you.
I might need to take a road trip one of these days to DC.
I have not yet met any of my internet friends, but would love to in the future.
I love this post! It looks like you ladies had such a great time! I wish I was in the DC area so I could have met up with you 😀
As for someone I met online, I have to say the best person in my life fits in this category. In August 2000, I stumbled into my very first chat room. I had a friend who had been extolling the virtues of “meeting” people online whom you could chat with and get to know. I had never been on the internet before (I know, I know….I wonder now how I ever survived!), so I decided to wander into a Yahoo music chat room and see what it was all about. I was fascinated, but too nervous to talk to anyone. I had been there about 20 minutes and was getting ready to log off when someone entered the room I felt pulled to, so I said hello.
That someone was The Hubs and we just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, so I guess you could say it worked out for us 😀 We’ve never been happier with one another and I think we both got very lucky!
I’ve met a lot of awesome ladies through blogging as well. If you include my blog in all the guises its held (Online relationship blog, Expat blog, IF blog), I would say all my best friends were met online. The online world can be a truly amazing one if you accept it as a part of the real world.
Thanks for this post Mel!
I am so thankful for my Internet friends. The first person I met from the Internet was a stillbirth mom who belonged to the same pregnancy after loss e-mail list that I did. We exchanged some e-mails off-forum & discovered that not only was she Canadian, same age as me & also married to an Italian, she lives in the same general area that I do & (the kicker) we both work for the same bank, albeit in different locations. She was interested in an angel ornament I had bought from my support group, so I managed to get one for her & she met dh & me for coffee to pick it up. (Her dh called her on her cellphone while we were there, & she said, “No, they’re not axe murders!” lol) She & I used to have coffee when I visited her location for work, but I haven’t had to go there & haven’t heard from her in awhile now.
Julia S. was on the same forum, & became another good e-mail friend. We both drifted away from there around the same time, but found each other again through blogging. We have not met in “real life,” but I hope we will someday!
I also belong to a small private forum for women who are childless not by choice. I’ve met two of the women from there IRL, & both times it was a pretty amazing experience, albeit a little surreal. And far too brief.
All of the best people connections I’ve made over the last ten years have been via the internet. After I left DC, I just didn’t have good luck meeting like minds IRL. Perhaps part of the trouble was that I worked from home. Maybe suburbia just isn’t my best turf. But I so missed the company of people who ‘get me.’
Infertility message boards and blogging have brought me many good friends … it sort of starts with what you have in common (the subfertility, age, etc), but it’s always much larger than that.
I have met a few online friends “IRL” … and the experiences have been so positive that I am no longer weirded out by the prospect of meeting other bloggers. There is no better way to get to know someone, the best parts of someone, than a long correspondance. While I’m sure unpleasant surprises are always a possibility, I think the longer you ‘know’ someone … the less likely that is.
I do sometimes worry that the fact that my best connections are online now … maybe says something negative about me. But when I really examine it, I don’t control where the like minds are. And I haven’t found too many in my back yard lately. That’s something I don’t entirely control.
Another message board brought me the most amazing connection with a spiritual teacher/big brother of sorts — he lived in England until he passed away unexpectedly a year and a half ago. We were fast friends and he changed my perspective about a lot of things. If you believe in past lives, I am sure we had many of them together. The fact that the connection was cross-gender would raise eyebrows if I talked about it much, I’m sure. But there was nothing inappropriate about it. At the time we met, he was recovering from a serious illness and online was his only social outlet. I had just relocated and was also somewhat isolated. And he happened to be a teacher in a unique subject of interest. Our emails helped both of us at a time when we need it and that connection, which would never have been possible without the internet, made both our lives better. The randomness of our meeting … yet the fatefulness of that connection … just blows me away.
Whenever I hear this quote, I think of him … and of bloggy connections in general:
“An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break.”
–Ancient Chinese proverb
It looks like it was great fun! I really wish I could have joined in, but the jet lag totally took over my weekend. I did manage to bake some cookies yesterday afternoon, and thought of my fellow TOOTPU ladies as I had one. Hope to see you soon!!
Love it! What great photos! I’m in Raleigh, just down from DC…would love to meet others!
Great post! 😀
I met Himself online. It was a Manic Street Preachers chatroom…
Outside of the ALI world, which has been wonderful of course, DH and I have many friends that we first met online. Most of them are professional colleagues of DH with whom he communicated and worked first, then through in-person meetings and visits they became part of our “real” lives. I’ve lost track of the number of times we stayed at someone’s house (or vice versa) after knowing them online first. Most times, it’s been even better in person.
I actually met my husband in a chat room. I’d met another friend in the same chat room when she kept posting lyrics to the same songs I was hearing on the radio and we discovered we were listening to the same radio station.
Anyway, one night I logged on and she was talking to this guy and he seemed nice. She then tells me that he’s local.. and pretty much tried pushing us together. I refused.. I was in a done-with-men phase and had no interest.
Then one day he mentioned having a date that weekend and I felt a twinge of jealousy. Hmmph. Anyway, he only dated that girl a time or two and eventually asked me out and I said yes.
The rest is history.
Of course, I honestly couldn’t tell you how many other people I’ve met from the interwebz. I have a local mommies group that met online and has get togethers, I just hosted 6 people from a baby-loss board last weekend, my closest group of “core” friends were all the infertile girls from a wedding planning board.. I’d guess I’ve probably met in person somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 people that I met online.
I “met” a couple of ladies through a pilot family forum that I am apart of. The first face to face meeting was a bit scary. But now I have friends in far away places to visit anytime I want to take to the air.
Loribeth beat me to it! :0) She is a kindred spirit in so many ways – sometimes our internet relationship feels like an extension of myself, the better part of myself anyway and that which I aspire to be. She has grace and wit and intelligence and amazing compassion. She mentioned the internet support group we met through – I don’t know how I would have survived those days several years ago in the “trenches” without her and the other ladies there. That was when internet to me was comprised of emails rather than blogs. Even though the people I met there (and Loribeth) don’t really know me in the traditional real life knowing a person sense – they know me – and that level of comprehension is something I desperately need at times and something I definitely consider a blessing.
looks like you all had a wonderful time. I could hear the laughter..and that makes a good party!!!
I’ve met amazing women/friends over the internet, sure I met boys..and they were nice , funny, intelligent guys, but the women I have met, the connections I made, the stories I shared, the tears I weeped were not alone anymore, I could go there and find someone who understood, who empathized, who laughed at the same jokes I did….and I love every single one of them. Including YOU!
Looks like so much fun was had–so much love in that group of gals! I refuse to give up my TOOTPU status–I will be back to a meet-up one of these days!
I have met so many great people through the IF blogosphere but, alas, haven’t met anyone in person yet. I don’t want to scare them off, but want to write them and say, “You don’t know me but I KNOW we could be best friends!!”
This just reminds me of how old I am…Waaaay back in 1986, when I was in high school, and the internet was only for college professors or something, there were bulletin boards that you could call into. My friend used to do so, and through that, met a group of guys from a nearby suburb. I dated one of the guys, remained friends through college and afterwards with another, and just reconnected with two of the guys on FB. I’ve never really been embarrassed about meeting people on the internet (mostly because I find it to be a good story, and it’s hard to embarrass me), but it does take me quite a while to work up to meeting people in person.
Quite a number of my friends in the DC area are women I connected to online first, then in person! There’s a good-sized group of us (30 or so) who met when we were planning our weddings–so rewind 6 or 7 years–on The Knot. We had a few get-togethers in person and clicked so well that a member of our crew has set up a private chat board for us where we still keep in touch many years later, and whenever I’m back in DC I try to see as many of the girls in person as I can. The group is an incredible resource and support consisting of a diverse range of women–from lawyers to teachers to authors to execs of many different nationalities and religions. By now many of us have gone through IF and IVF, there have been preemies and children lost, twins and triplets, there have even been a few divorces–and we’ve supported one another through it all. I’m SO grateful for the group (a larger version of TOOTPU, perhaps!) and the roll those wise and wonderful women have played in my life.
I thank Hashem for you and the other TOOTPU girls every day. Every fucking day.
The Internet is just another way to meet people. No less, no better, just another way.
Well, Cali – and my IVP gals, they are my rock.
I’m just PO’d we didn’t get to go out when you were here.
I think meeting Jen and Cait from the IVP / Addition Problems has been the most affirming, and they’ve both become really great friends, as have our daughters, which is just all kinds of womderful.
Where do I start?!?
I met two very good friends from a local online forum. It was crazy arranging those first meetings as I had never met up with anyone I had met online. I think everyone thought I was crazy. It was the best thing I ever did. 🙂
Recently I met a group of ladies from my regular forum who all (except for one) had their babies in Oct like I did. Having a local group of gals to lean on, go for walks with and in general share the ups and downs of parenting newborns, has been what’s kept me going.
Then there are those I’ve met online and haven’t yet met. Notice the yet… if I only had an endless amount of plane tickets, I’d go and visit each one. I love them all. They give me feedback and remind me that I’m never alone. They were there after the second miscarriage and I found the ALI Community and they stuck around when we finally had a bit of luck and got pregnant again and it stuck. And they are still here. You know you have real friends in your midst when they stick with you through all that even if they are still in the throes of IF and RPL. Some have found some luck too and I look forward to supporting all of them, no matter their circumstances.
I’ve been blessed by the internet. Two of my very best friends in the world, two of the ladies who swooped to my rescue in the midst of our 6 losses, two phenomenal women and my sisters by choice were found on the net. Without Pam and Rys, I wouldn’t have survived infertility in nearly whole condition like I did.
Wish I was there.
Have no story for you, but I’m so glad the internet is here. Oh! Yes – I do have a story. Right after I lost Jester, a lurker on my blog who had been there, done that, and lived nearby contacted me and arranged to meet up and she was just a godsend. That was great.
Bea
I have been blessed to be part of several relationships that have started online. One is my marriage. My husband and I met online through Yah.oo personals in May, 2004 and married in November, 2004. Many people have snickered behind our backs and to our faces, made cutting comments about how we wouldn’t make it (we almost didn’t, but that’s not because we met online), and have said we were crazy for meeting the way we did. But…here we are five years later going stronger than ever.
The other relationships are with women I consider to be some of my best friends. Both I have never met in person…one lives in Pennsylvania and the other lives in Wisconsin. We met on a message board while we were all TTC. One friend has two beautiful sons, and the other is now expecting twins via surrogate. They have been there for me through thick and thin, good and bad, night and day. I know that no matter what happens, no matter if we never meet…we will always be there for each other. I believe sometimes friendships forged through common struggle that can be the strongest. Distance or meeting face to face sometimes doesn’t even factor into it.
And, I’ve been blessed to be a part of the ALI community and have “met” some wonderful women through these blogs. God Bless the internet, even if it does sometimes distract me from what I need to be doing (like laundry…now)! 🙂