Posts from — July 2009

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

Wait, before we begin, I need to say it again: We are not even close to having 200 posts on the DIY Roundup Extravaganza by Friday. You read stuff every day. You love stuff every day. Now tell us what you love. Don’t get thrown off by the coding thing. Just cut-and-paste the url; we’ll figure it out. Two days, people, two days. For the love, at least we can hit 100 posts.

Okay, so now Show and Tell.

Last weekend we went to Dutch Wonderland which is coined a “kingdom for kids” (and, as Josh likes to say, a serfdom for adults). Unlike Disney World where you could go and have a good time sans children, Dutch Wonderland is made entirely for those under the age of eight. It is an infertile person’s worst nightmare. A fact that even children can apparently pick-up-on because the Wolvog turned to me at one point and said, “I know why I’m having fun, but why are you?”

The ChickieNob was too small for this ride and she begged Josh to go on for her. So I snapped this picture. My enormous, 37-year-old child.

Tomorrow I leave for BlogHer, but I can continue to read Show and Tell posts during panels. So keep showing and telling.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.

Updated at the bottom

And by everyone, I mean a few people. And by a few people, I mean that I’ve seen it about three times today. But regardless. A what-to-expect-when-you’re-meeting-me post which is a bit silly in my case because I’ve posted my picture and video here many times before. But in case you are meeting me for the first time at BlogHer this week…

I am nervous too. I know, it’s sort of crazy to admit that because I have (1) been to two BlogHer conferences by now and (2) know about twenty people or so who are going semi-well. But I am pretty shy in large crowds or small so I will be the one nervously drawing boxes on the hotel supplied notepads.

I do very very poorly with airplanes. As in I need a sedative to get on-board so if you see me Thursday, I may look a little glazed over.

I am shorter than you think. Even people who have seen me in pictures next to other people always seem a little surprised by my height and the length of my hair. It grows at an alarming speed, so it isn’t as short as you’re thinking it would be from someone who donated her hair a few months ago.

Though I photoshop it out before posting pictures of me on my blog, I have an eye patch and a parrot surgically implanted onto my shoulder (actually, his feet are implanted into my shoulder and the rest of his body hovers slightly above me). It’s my right shoulder, which is why I lean heavily to the left.

When I am nervous, I write things like that because I can’t think of another way to describe myself.

I will try to hug you. I may even try to kiss you. I will most likely cry. If any of these things make you uncomfortable and you still want to talk to me, you may want to approach me with hands raised. This is a good indicator to me that you do not like to be hugged, smooched, or cried upon.

I will be wearing the Hilde boots. As in the donation room boots. Though the rest of the outfit is buried in the back of a drawer and will not be accompanying me on this trip.

I’m a very picky eater…a terrible eater at that. I will shock you with how little I like to eat. Things everyone likes. For instance, pizza. Or cheese. Or even pie. All things I don’t like to eat.

I don’t use the kids names. I call them the ChickieNob and Wolvog at BlogHer too. I will miss them a lot and will probably cry if you ask me about them. But I will tell you that the ChickieNob informed me today that I “shouldn’t concern myself with things that are not my business because if her daddy wants to let her wear high heels and walk across the kitchen floor holding her hand, I should let him do this and not concern myself. Because it’s not my business.”

I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but have never gotten one. If you have one and doesn’t involve too much disrobing, show it to me so I can think about what I’m missing. I may ask you if I can photograph it for my photo essay: Tattoos I Saw at BlogHer [Josh just called out that this would be cool so I am going to do it. I’m declaring this now. I’m taking photos of tattoos I saw at BlogHer. It’s good for me to have a project. I am very project-driven. It also gives me a reason to talk to strangers].

I love meeting people there, but more so, I love keeping in touch afterwards. So please give me your card. Or follow me on Twitter. Or let me know that you subscribed to the blog’s rss feed so I can return the favour. And, as I’ve already said, I’m very project-driven and lots of good ideas including the tweaking of the LFCA, group Kirtsying, and the now defunct Bridges all grew out of BlogHer last year. I have a new idea brewing and if you like to be involved in projects too, find me and talk to me because a lot of ideas are bounced around in those panel rooms.

Update:

The Tattoo Project (which will reveal its real name once it begins) can be played from home too. When you see the tattoo post, upload a picture of your own on your blog and leave a comment with a link to the post. So it’s more blogger tattoos than BlogHer tattoos. But…you know…at BlogHer, you’re around 2000 bloggers so it seems like a good place to start.

We’re not even close to 200 post recommendations to match the number I’ve given you this year through the Friday Blog Roundup. We haven’t even hit 100. There has to be fantastic things you’ve read in the past twelve months. Don’t forget to leave your comments there on your favourite posts from this year and read the rest of the list.

I am the owner of three massage gift certificates. The first one I bought for Josh a few years ago as a birthday gift and he regifted it to me because he said I seemed more stressed. The second one I got as a gift this past May because I seemed stressed (are you sensing a theme?). The third one I was told was a birthday gift since the person doesn’t know that I’m actually quite stressed.

I’m not really stressed.

But the point is that I tend to hold onto good things and not use them. I like events–like massages–in front of me, anticipating them rather than using them.

I’m bummed that BlogHer is happening this week and then will be over. I’m mourning the ending before it has even begun. That’s how much fun it was last year. Granted, it is the only conference I have ever been to so I don’t have a comparison. But in my opinion, BlogHer is the most fun conference ever. Ever.

I also waited impatiently all week for the mail because Io told me that she sent me a special package. It finally arrived on Friday. When I opened it, I was trembling like a vampire who was smelling some really delicious blood. Okay, I was trembling more like a teenage girl who had just spotted Robert Pattinson on the cover of a magazine. But look what she sent:

Can you believe that a few weeks ago, I was debating whether or not to read the books at all. And now look at me. Look at me! I’m a freak, drooling like a werewolf. And I’m taking them with me on the road this week. But then I think to myself: if you read them, you won’t have that excited anticipation that comes when they’re unread.

Do you see how deep this goes?

As always, it has been about a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar as someone who found this space through IComLeavWe), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.

We’re still a long way from 200 post recommendations to match the number I’ve given you this year through the Friday Blog Roundup. Don’t forget to leave your comments there on your favourite posts from this year and read the rest of the list.

I posted something similar last Thursday at BlogHer, but wanted to repost here in case you don’t have an account at that site and want to leave your thoughts.

Washington Post columnist, Alan Goldenbach, wrote a moving piece this week in the newspaper about the death of his son in-utero and society’s inability to discuss stillbirth and neonatal death. What wasn’t quite so moving were some of the comments that came as a response to the article. The believed anonymity of the Internet brings out cruelty.

It isn’t anything the average person experiencing a loss hasn’t heard before:

“Oh, for pete’s sake, people. I’m a mother, so I understand how crushed you all must be if you have lost a fetus or child. Nobody should have to go through it, but surely you realize it is a fact of life that people die at every stage of development and life from causes that are nobody’s fault.”

“So how many more babies will you harm by making pregnant women terrified about the freak chance of stillbirth?”

“Hmmm. Maybe we don’t discuss or make a big deal out of this since the pro abortion crowd has devalued fetal life. Why cry when you think it is only a bunch of cells so easily aborted at the decision of the mother? Either is is valued and we show care and concern following these spontaneous abortions, or we treat them no differently than the millions of elective abortions women have yearly. Mr. Goldenbach, I wonder if you are pro-choice?”

“Form your no-cost support groups and seek the emotional support you may need from family, friends and similarly situated strangers if you must. But let’s please leave it at that, OK? Our planet has 7 billion selfish dolts running around on it already, with projections for 9 billion by mid-century. So when Mother Nature occasionally decides to cull or limit our human herd, it’s best that we not overanalyze her judgment or resist it to any great degree. Instead, let’s learn to embrace Nature’s judgment and properly resolve that, when our number is up, we go quickly and courageously for the good of the whole.”

“Save the drama for your mama.”

“I hate self-indulgent first person pieces like this that have come to define the health section.”

And right when your head, as well as your heart, is ready to explode; finally, a voice of reason: “I never cease to be amazed at how unbelievably mean-spirited some people can be in the face of another human being’s terrible grief.”

While the article is fascinating, not only giving insight into the aftermath of death, but asking important questions about our health care system, the comment section struck me deeply. Are we this cruel in the face of another person’s grief because we have a terrible time speaking about and understanding loss?

Jay Neugeboren (my mentor!) wrote in “The Orphan’s Tale”: “A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But…there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is!” and it is true, we have no word for the grieving parent to convey their situation. They are not childless; their children simply aren’t here anymore.

The article points out the strangest fact of all–that even doctors do not want to talk about stillbirth with their patients. One admits: “Pregnancy is a happy time…Nobody wants to hear anything about something bad, much less death.”

Except that we do often speak about tangentially about death in regards to pregnancy and babyhood. We are educated about preventing SIDS, which, as the author points out, means speaking about death. We are well-versed in diagnostic tests which are looking for fatal medical conditions in-utero. And yet, even though we are well aware that death exists in regards to babies, we never discuss this aloud until we are faced with the situation.

Which returns to the original question: do we speak this way to each other because we believe that it is justifiable or do we speak this way to each other as a way of lashing out against something that terrifies us–death.

Creative Chaos asked this question recently on her blog when she saw a comment that offended her:

Have you ever been offended by a comment? Did you handle it more gracefully than I just did? I did resist the urge to lambast said ‘unammed commenter’ on the other blog because ignorance is a form of disability. Maybe he/she didn’t realize how crappy their comment was. Maybe they didn’t read my comment at all so he/she had no idea. Maybe when I calm down I can educate him/her- I doubt it though. I suppose in the end I’ll just have to hope that the person has a change of heart someday- and that it’s NOT caused by needing the kinds of interventions for a loved one they were just dissing.

And so I turn the question over to you. When you place your heart in the post and do so to bring understanding into the world, how do you react when the thoughtless or cruel comments come? Because they often do with large, emotional issues.

This week is the three-year anniversary of the Friday Blog Roundup. With only one or two exceptions, for three straight years, every Friday, I have posted a taste of what I read that week. Over the last three years, I have highlighted 625 posts give or take. Some weeks, I do more than four, but one or two times I missed the roundup. Each year, I hit about 200+ posts. Hence why 200 is my goal for this week.

Between now and next Friday, instead of doing the traditional Roundup Extravaganza we have held in years past, we are doing a DIY version. And I would like 200+ submissions on the list. Why? Because I have told you what I read 200+ times this year and it’s your turn to do the same as a group effort.

So, please leave a comment below stating something amazing your read this year (from July 2008–July 2009). Do not get tripped up looking for the “best,” simply submit one post that moved you on another person’s blog. It may be been written in the past week, or it may have been written almost a year ago. Literally, anything that has stuck with you after you closed your browser or clicked to the next blog. Do not spend hours thinking about it; just grab the url for the first post that comes to mind.

And this is how you should leave your comment:

I had to put it in a box like that or Blogger would naturally convert it from code to linked, but it will look like this if you write it in that manner, obviously replacing (1) the url with the permalink of the post you’re choosing, (2) the title of the blog and (3) the “why.”

Stirrup Queens Why: Because it was a really cool list.

The reason is so the comment will be linked to the post and people can click over and read it for themselves. And ooh and aaah over it. Of course you can submit more than one post, in fact please do, but use a new comment box each time. Posts should come from any blog in the ALI blogosphere. You can submit anonymously, though people do like to be able to thank others for submitting their post.

So…just to be clear since I’m half asleep right now and this may not make sense, (1) do not click away from this post without leaving a comment. (2) In the comment, use the code above–if you can–to link to a post that appeared on someone else’s blog between July 2008 and now that you enjoyed or cried reading or learned something from. (3) Do this between today and next Friday. (4) Then, during the week, starting now, check back from time to time and see the posts that have been added to the list. (5) Enjoy the list and celebrate the Friday Blog Roundup which will return as normal next week.

Oh, and you have seven days to compile 200+ great posts. If you notice that a blog you read doesn’t have a post on the list, make sure you add one from their site. Celebrate, people, celebrate.

And consider this the Weekly What If: What if Melissa asked you to help celebrate three years of writing the Friday Blog Roundup by asking you to submit a post from someone’s blog in a DIY version of the roundup using the comment section?

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I’m so glad that I ended up asking about the head shot because I was going to send in choice #3 if I had been left on my own to make the decision (which only got 6 votes). It was somewhat a tie between #1 and #5/6 so I’m sending both and letting them make the choice, though Seal Press wanted #5/6 for their site so perhaps both will get use. I am so glad I asked–thank you for helping! And thank you, Palemother, for making me a new sleeve and enhancing the colour.

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Next week, I go to BlogHer where I will be meeting bloggers galore (on the menu: Kathy, Bri, Aurelia, Musings of a Fat Chick, Flotsam, Uppercase Woman, Uncommon Misconception, Magpie Musings and Who Shot My Stork?). My plan is to live-blog the conference with pictures again. Though I thought up a new feature this year–let me know if you want to see anything/meet up with anyone that I haven’t gotten to yet. Sort of a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure situation where if you email (and I will have email on most of the time), I will go find the person/swing by the booth/hear the panel–time willing. Isn’t that a good idea? So then it’s like you’re there. Through my camera, at least.

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Last night, some TOOTPUers got together with Murgdan who was visiting from out of town.

Murgdan and Jen

Karen and B, who never takes a bad picture.

Lindsay as her natural and authentic self

Things you may not know about Murgdan–she’s Canadian, born and raised, with a maple leaf tattoo on her neck, right under her left ear. Okay, that might not be exactly true, but for some reason, I thought she was from Toronto. In fact, I was so sure of it that I said things like, “I want to make sure you have a really good trip to DC because who knows when you’ll be able to get back here” and “do you have a choice of clinics in Canada or is where you cycle dictated by the health system?” Oh, and I asked her about what it was like living in Toronto and finally, the strange looks she had been giving me all evening suddenly became clear.

My bad. Murgdan is not Canadian. Though she is lovely.

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And now, the blogs…

Well…

You guys are going to provide those this week.

The roundup to the Roundup: participate in the Friday Blog Roundup Extravaganza. Thank you for the picture help. I’m going to BlogHer so tell me what you want to see/hear while I’m there. And I met Murgdan! Have a wonderful weekend reading the Extravaganza posts.