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Guess What? You Pissed Me Off. Great Job.

Wow…if I thought Aliza Shvarts was insensitive last year, I think I’ve found my new all-time favourite post to make my blood boil. If we could just round up some Holocaust deniers and people who are pro-genocide in Darfur, I could hit my trifecta of People Who Say Things to Emotionally Push Buttons Because They Don’t Know How to Communicate in Another Manner.

MomLogic encourages readers to voice their opinion if they “have a strong reaction to the sentiments expressed below” so here are my thoughts, Gina.

I think you truly don’t understand loss–either abortion or miscarriage–on anything but a surface level. And you don’t truly understand the distinction that being pro-choice doesn’t mean that you are pro-abortion. That these are two different concepts; two separate distinctions. That being pro-choice is about giving the control and choice to the individual rather than having it controlled by government. And that makes no commentary on abortion itself.

I am assuming based on your callousness that you’ve never experienced a loss and have such a small reserve of empathy that you can’t even imagine what a person–male or female–experiences when they lose a child that was either deeply wanted or even ambivalently unwanted. I am actually wondering, based on your callousness, if you are actually my college boyfriend parading as Gina on MomLogic since he too could not separate out real people and real emotions from his political beliefs. It is a sign of maturity–after all, most angry young men grow up to be understanding old men when they see how their words and actions affect another person. Hopefully you will grow up soon.

I know the point of this article was to get people angry and that I’m simply playing into the idiocy created by people like Gina or Aliza Shvarts. I really debated writing anything at all. But the fact is I’m not really sure I agree with the disclaimer posted by MomLogic that says they allow all women to voice their opinion. Where is the line between opinion and vitriol? If my opinion is that MomLogic is the worst site on the Internet, are they going to allow me to become one of their guest bloggers and post that? Will they really put their money where there mouth is? Allow me to write that post, MomLogic, and I will go back to patroning your site.

But the part that worries me the most, frankly, is that I am assuming based on the name of the site that Gina, the author, is a mother. And what is she teaching her children?


1 Lori { 02.05.09 at 2:33 pm }


2 Jendeis { 02.05.09 at 2:35 pm }

Speechless with hurt and anger. Well said, Mel.

3 Jill { 02.05.09 at 2:40 pm }

I couldn’t even get halfway through the article. I have no words.

4 meandbaby { 02.05.09 at 2:44 pm }

Gina’s post makes me literally sick to my stomach. I hope she sees your response.

5 Emily { 02.05.09 at 2:47 pm }

WOW. Just WOW….

Well said Mel!

6 Wordgirl { 02.05.09 at 2:55 pm }

Gina has created an incredibly simplistic argument with no nuance in it whatsoever –its glib, superficial, and written with a spirit of bitterness — and its easily made into a sound bite.

She’s the voice of her generation, sadly.

I think I’m getting old 🙂

7 Cara { 02.05.09 at 3:13 pm }

And it takes a lot to piss you off, so I felt I must read the article. Both of them.

Thanks for being the voice who says what we all mean, but without too much malace – you wouldn’t have wanted to see my reaction. Not sure I want to.

8 Sam { 02.05.09 at 3:39 pm }

I must say thank you. You have finally put into words what I have never been able to figure out for myself.

I am pro-choice but not pro-abortion. Why could I never see that before and always feel a bit guilty by saying that I was pro-choice when I knew that I would never have an abortion myself.

This is what I will say next time anyone should ask – I am pro-choice but not pro-abortion. Thank you for clarifying my thoughts.

9 Sam { 02.05.09 at 3:43 pm }

and now that I have actually gone and read the article – I am utterly staggered that there is someone that actually wrote that!!

10 Courtney { 02.05.09 at 4:19 pm }

I’m pro-life and find this article absolutely disgusting.

11 MLO { 02.05.09 at 4:21 pm }

Compared to some of the “pro-life” (really “anti-choice”) literature I have read in my life, this is a really mild article.

People are not good at nuance. It was one of the reasons the US’s founders created a republic and not a democracy. This woman is using hyperbole to hurt – to use emotion to sway those without critical thinking skills.

It is somewhat heartening to read some of the comments taking her to task – but this is not a very vitriolic article compared to some of the religious literature handed out at Planned Parenthood clinics.

12 Brenna { 02.05.09 at 4:38 pm }

Well, I’ve never been to MomLogic before and now I never need to go back. I can feel my heart racing after reading that article–nothing good accomplished there. Ugh. But thanks for the response, Mel!

13 Fertilized { 02.05.09 at 5:15 pm }

Holy .. I am still trying to figure out how abortion and miscarriages are even comparable topics. How is miscarriage even a choice of anything? I am appalled at the nonchalant, under educated, insensitivity of the writer

14 Erin { 02.05.09 at 5:27 pm }

I should have know from reading your response first, that I shouldn’t have read her post. Of all the insensitive, crazy, nasty things to find out there in mom world. Wow…somethings just boggle my mind.

15 Erica { 02.05.09 at 5:59 pm }

Let me get this right – that guest blogger posted that crap on a site known as mom”logic?” Ironic.

I love when people who’ve obviously never experienced pain and loss, judge others. It helps remind me of the kind and empathetic person I am.

16 Kristin { 02.05.09 at 6:09 pm }

I am absolutely floored by the sheer ignorance and insensitivity demonstrated by that person.

17 projectkjetil { 02.05.09 at 6:24 pm }

Incendiary. Unnecessary. Mean-spirited. And those are just my descriptors of their editorial board, letting her post something so close to hate speech.

For her… I have no words.

18 Another Dreamer { 02.05.09 at 6:39 pm }

Wow. That was a callous insensitive load of crap.

19 Another Dreamer { 02.05.09 at 6:41 pm }

I’m scatterbrained today!

I forgot to say I was talking about the articles, not your response 😉 I loved your response.

20 caitsmom { 02.05.09 at 6:46 pm }

Oh, dear. I couldn’t read the whole thing, thanks for the caring warnings. What I did read was that few people run to her for compassion or support, because she is more interested in controlling them, than being a warm and compassionate person. All who hurt deserve comfort.

21 Kristen { 02.05.09 at 7:56 pm }

I puked a little in the back of my throat. Thank you very much for pointing out the obvious and defending those of us who are pro-choice (for the same reason you mentioned) and have had losses.

22 Deathstar { 02.05.09 at 8:08 pm }

Read it. She’s a cow of the biggest magnitude. Did I actually say that out loud? Yep, just like she did.

23 Leah { 02.05.09 at 8:53 pm }

as a pro choice woman who grieved from a 1st tri loss, her words are no more irritating to me than the buzz of a nearby fly – cause they are no more intelligent.

it’s not far from the line of the old thought that women who were sexually active outside marriage deserved or invited rape.

24 Vee { 02.05.09 at 9:22 pm }

I am just gobsmaked!

25 Soralis { 02.05.09 at 11:48 pm }

Holly crap that is beyond words.

26 Artblog { 02.06.09 at 5:12 am }

You’re not in the least playing into her idiocy, people need to be told and you did that just. Fuck, what a screwed up article from a screwed up, insensitive author.

Bravo to you for putting her out!


27 BagMomma { 02.06.09 at 8:07 am }

I wrote about too on my own blog. In three years of blogging, I’ve never been so fired up.

She is an evil woman. How could anyone exist like that? Heartless like that and filled with hate?

28 Karen { 02.06.09 at 8:15 am }

When I started reading this I was pissed but by the end I felt more depressed. This is exactly why I never call myself pro-life, because I don’t want to be lumped in with angry black and white thinkers like this. I second the thanks to you, Mel, for mentioning the option to use more words than just pro-life and pro-choice to discuss abortion. I’m also going to start calling myself pro-choice, anti-abortion if it ever comes up in coversation.

29 Patricia { 02.06.09 at 9:52 am }

Whoever Gina is, she seems so filled with hatred, and that is the saddest part of all. She is spreading this hatred around, as if there isn’t enough of it in the world already.

I’m stunned, (almost) speechless and it makes me want to send out even more loving and comforting thoughts and prayers to those who actually have experienced the loss that is far too familiar to many of us. Surely, with such venom in her heart, Gina cannot know peace.

It is in the name and spirit and very soul of the babies I have lost that I pray that she finds that peace. I’m not trying to sound holier-than-thou/she; I am enraged and beside myself with anger. And still, in this loving community of women and men, our truest self is balanced at, and by, peace.

It’s all I can focus on right now, like a mantra to bring me back from the brink of her insanity. Peace. Peace. Peace.

30 Jen { 02.06.09 at 9:59 am }

That is ridiculous. I can’t even get out a good response because I am just sputtering.

31 Elaine { 02.06.09 at 11:22 am }

Oh, no way. I read the title and I was out of there. Ridiculous.

32 Annie { 02.06.09 at 12:05 pm }

That was disgusting.

33 Deathstar { 02.06.09 at 12:25 pm }

Okay, I apologize for calling her a cow. I think she’s just sad. A sad cow. And I feel sorry for all sad cows, don’t you? I shall chant for her to find peace and happiness and compassion one day. It’s nice to have a democracy where people can voice their opinions. As people have mentioned, hers was apparently very mild. Scary!

34 Sara { 02.06.09 at 4:19 pm }

This makes my stomach want to crawl out through my throat, and I can’t even read the whole thing.

35 Barb { 02.06.09 at 7:59 pm }

Great response Melissa. sigh to stupid people.

36 Sarah { 02.09.09 at 11:07 am }

That pissed me off immeasurably. I had never been to momlogic, and I doubt I will ever go back thanks to that post from Gina.

37 Rebecca { 02.09.09 at 2:30 pm }

I read this last week when a friend sent me it and these were my replies:

Logic: they has none.

Let me tell you, right. I’m a subfertile woman who would loooooove there to be an abundance of babies to adopt like in ye olden days. But that came with, what? Backstreet abortions, shame on unwed mothers, girls cast out of their families for daring to have sex.


Then I said:

Furthermore – furthermore! – I am not pro-choice for myself. I know that if I’d ever been pregnant (more than I was) I would have had the support of my parents/SO to carry/bring up the baby. But then, I’m a fairly middle class, well-educated white woman. BRB MY PRIVILEGE. So no, I would never ever ever have aborted.

But for anyone else’s reproductive choices? MY BUSINESS: NONE OF.

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