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Friday Blog Roundup

On Christmas Eve Day, I drove Josh to the metro in the morning and then returned home. As we turned on to our street, I could see four turkey vultures lined up on my neighbour’s porch. On closer inspection, I could see them everywhere–squatting on the roof, hanging out in trees. They were flying around my house lazily. It was ominous to say the least. And to be fair, the whole day went to shit.

At night we went to see Milk. The movie made me cry so hard that I had a headache still on Christmas Day. The thought I kept returning to was when Milk was discussing how detrimental being in the closet was for the cause.

He argues that if people cannot put a human face to the issue, they can dehumanize it. It is too easy to be against something when you don’t have to see the grey; when you don’t realize that the thing you are against is tied to someone you love.

And at the same time, others call into question how you can feel comfortable leaving the closet when you know what you will lose. It is a terrible Catch-22: you cannot get rid of the hatred until everyone can attach a face and you cannot attach a face because of the intensity of the hatred. There is no good answer, especially when those who come forth can point backwards at the anger and misunderstanding and cruelty.

This is obviously close to my heart.

Usually, I write about the best blog posts that I read in this space. Today, I want to speak about a blogger instead.

Emilie of Lemmondrops died on the 23rd at night. Writing that feels very surreal. I cannot begin to imagine what her husband, Steve, and boys are feeling. Her parents.

At the bottom of Emilie’s blog is a quote widget and as I write this, the quote reads: “a discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind.” When I first googled infertility blogs, it was a prepared mind searching for a somewhat accidental crash. And I discovered Soupy and Serenity and Emilie and Vee and LisaP. I found Cali’s old old blog and Manuela and Lyrehca and KatD and Flicka and Miss E. I found Kir and Bea and Teamwinks and Julie and Tertia. These were some of my first reads.

I often say that if I could have found an older high schooler’s diary back when I was a freshman, I probably would have had an easier time navigating high school; navigating those huge emotions; thinking I was the only one. And that is what blogs did for me when I was starting to fall into that black pit again and how can you ever say thank you enough for that?

I can’t believe I’m never going to see another post pop up in my reader, that I will never get another email. I just can’t believe that she’s gone. And what a huge loss for the whole world–that this amazing woman, this brilliant, funny, sensitive, thoughtful writer is gone.

A few months back, I highlighted one of her posts in the Roundup and I wanted to place it here again. It is even more bitter knowing the otherwise.

Lastly, Emilie at Lemmondrops first made me cry with the poem “Otherwise” (I literally couldn’t get through the first verse without crying as I read it aloud to Josh) and then this post. There are no good words. I just wanted her to know how much this post touched me and how it’s still making me cry as I write about it. Emilie was one of the first bloggers I read and her blog is at the top of my bookmarked list. So. I’m sorry, sweetie. I wish it were easier.

Rest easy, sweetie. Know how much you meant to so many people in this world–both people you knew face-to-face and the hundreds of people who read your writing daily and were touched beyond words.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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