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393rd Friday Blog Roundup

Josh and I showed the twins the Time magazine cover last weekend.  Beyond inquiring if people were upset with the cover because the boy was biting his mother (our conversation: Um… he’s breastfeeding, not biting.  But he’s standing on a chair.  Is that how older kids breastfeed?  No, not exactly.  Then why is the boy standing on a chair?  I don’t have a good answer for that.  Why are breasts sometimes called private parts and we’re not supposed to look at them and other times mommies show their private parts and that’s okay?  Can we get back to the discussion I wanted to have?), we asked them if they would be okay if they were the boy in the picture.  Based on their reaction, we guesstimated correctly when we said we couldn’t imagine the twins being cool with having their picture out there.

And before you get your panties twisted, it had nothing to do with what the boy was doing.  I asked them if they would be upset to have me post a picture of them smiling nicely in the camera and they shouted yes.  Eating a lollipop, yes.  Playing baseball, yes.  Would they ever be okay being on the front of a magazine for any reason including winning a big award, and the answer was no.  The reason being that neither wanted strangers  looking at them, or people talking about them.

They gave us their hard limits, which were what we were already doing: no pictures or videos online, especially in publications and no stories about them unless they were the sort we would tell everyone anyway (the evolution story was fine, medical information is not).  I asked them if they were okay if I continued to tweet from time to time amusing things they said because I use the medium to quickly record these moments for myself, and they gave me the okay as long as I asked first.  We talked through past posts about them from the ones about the Wolvog and Steve Jobs to poor Mr. Whiskers of earectomy fame.  And for the most part, they’re comfortable with what is out there.  They know that all of you know about them, and sometimes you may even talk about them in this detached sense, but you don’t know them unless you have met them.  They were okay with the idea of themselves floating out there but not the concreteness of names and images.  Which pretty much falls in line with a lot of other life choices they’ve made.

Maybe I do know them after all.


Want to know when I write?  I participated in She Started It’s author series where she asks writers to talk about when they write.  It’s a really cool project.  If you want to see my answer, click here.


And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

Okay, now my choices this week.

Waiting for Little Feet has a post about waiting for the first ultrasound.  As she steels herself for the possibility that she could go through the same devastation she felt after her first loss, she also makes a promise to herself: “Although there is nothing I can do to avoid being scared between every ultrasound and chance to check on the baby, I refuse to waste my entire pregnancy feeling as petrified as I do right now.”  It’s a promise she’s now going to have to keep…

Still Life with Circles has a heartbreaking thank you after a recent loss.  She writes so beautifully: “I cannot tell you what the notes, condolences, comments, and the emails we have received have meant to us. We feel held. We feel loved. We know we are not going through this alone. Thank you. Oh, loves, thank you.”  It is a post about the aftermath of a loss, about the grief of a child who wants her sibling, and a family carrying on knowing they aren’t alone.

Write Mind Open Heart has a fantastic post that pretty much everyone should send along to anyone and everyone to read during the months of May and June.  She gives a heads up to everyone who holds a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day celebration about the section of their community they may not be reaching (and, in fact, may inadvertently be needling).  I also love that she admits that she knows the person didn’t know; but after reading this, people can hopefully bring even more compassion to their speeches at this time of year.

A Thousand Oceans wins for best title with “The Grinch Who Stole Mother’s Day.”  Okay, so she admits that it wasn’t her best moment, but I actually think the rawness reflects what so many people are thinking inside their head.  That maybe people do need to hear in order to understand.  Life can’t always been roses and breakfast in bed; sometimes it’s thorns and spilled coffee.

From IF to When has another amazing post about finding resolution.  I think it’s a must read for anyone who is infertile.  Period.  Even if they think they’ve resolved their infertility.

Lastly, An Engineer Becomes a Mom has a post about a shopping trip which was ruined by someone’s insensitive questions.  It is realizing when you’re speaking with someone who is not going to be deterred from their questioning as well as that desire to simply be honest, for your child’s sake.  Since there is nothing to hide; no shame in the multitude of ways people build their families.

The roundup to the Roundup: I guess I was right about my kids not wanting to be featured.  When do I write?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 11th and May 18th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.


1 marwil { 05.18.12 at 10:47 am }

Here’s more on the validation thread, in real life and in the blogging world.

2 Mary { 05.18.12 at 12:47 pm }

Just want to point out that you said (wrote) “hard limit”. And given that we know you’re reading the shades of grey trilogy, I giggled. And bit my lip. That is all. 😉

3 April { 05.18.12 at 1:27 pm }

Ditto to Mary.

4 loribeth { 05.18.12 at 1:27 pm }

I am waaaayyyyy behind in my blog reading & commenting (Google Reader at 1000+ posts — again :p), but I did read one from Mrs. Spit that I’ve gone back to again & again this week. Just gorgeous — about Mother’s Day, Gabriel’s tree, and the passage of time:


5 Katie { 05.18.12 at 2:03 pm }

Another ditto to Mary. 🙂

And thank you for including my post. xo

6 Cristy { 05.18.12 at 3:16 pm }

The conversation you had with ChickieNob and Wolvog had me rolling!! Especially the part about the chair. Again, I don’t think many people actually consider their children’s reactions/opinions about being presented to the public. Truthfully, so may not care. But Tertia’s post sent chills down my spine and made me seriously ponder how I will handle this in the future. http://www.tertia.org/so_close/2012/05/warrior-eli-is-a-hoax.html

I have two additional posts: one from Mommy Odyssey: http://mommyodyssey.com/2012/05/11/what-was-and-will-be-lost/

Another from a blog I just found; Adventure in Infertility-Land: http://adventuresininfertilityland.blogspot.com/2012/05/angels-and-demons.html

7 Her Royal Fabulousness { 05.18.12 at 4:29 pm }

Thanks so much for including me Mel. I’m doing my best to keep my promise. 🙂

8 Lori Lavender Luz { 05.18.12 at 5:10 pm }

I am not surprised at all that you know your children so well. Loved your answers about when you write.

And thank you so much for including my post in the Roundup. Made my week 🙂

9 Lisa @ Hapa Hopes { 05.18.12 at 6:58 pm }

Wow! Your kids are so… wise! Maybe I’m out of touch, but most kids I know wouldn’t think the consequences of having their likenesses and stories out in the world for all to see. They’re more of the “Look at me! Aren’t I great!” sort. Those are some special souls you have on your hands. Of course, you already knew that. 🙂

10 Mic { 05.18.12 at 7:02 pm }

Another LOL to the hard limit comment 🙂

11 Suzy { 05.20.12 at 8:13 pm }

I loved that you and Josh had this conversation with your kids. So many parents would shy away from that. You are such an inspiration with the way you parent your kids! And I love their “hard limits” that they set.

There was one past that I kept going back to this week. It’s from Courage and Curls about Mother’s Day.


12 Her Royal Fabulousness { 05.21.12 at 5:27 pm }

This is an amazingly raw post by Mo. Her pain about Nadav is so real, you tremble while you read it.


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