• The BlogHer 2010 (New York) ALI Community List (for people at the conference or in the area)
• Submit a Secret Ode for the next Secret Ode Day.

Harry Potter is turning 20 on Saturday and I have no idea what to get him.  I mean, what do you get the boy wizard who has everything including the Deathly Hallows?  A handful of chocolate frogs?  New dress robes?  Something from Zonkos?  A subscription to Playboy?

Have you ever thought about a friend across the country because you see something that reminds you of her, and when clicking onto her Facebook profile to leave her a message, learn the most perfect word you never knew:

Mamihlapinatapai: (from Yaghan) “a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.”

Looking up the meaning brought me to an old NPR article on untranslatable words or concepts, including

• ilunga (Congo): “a person who is ready to forgive any transgression a first time and then to tolerate it for a second time, but never for a third time.”
• meraki (Greece): putting something of yourself into what you are doing–when your personality is incorporated into the end product.
• esprit de I’escalier (France): a great comeback that only occurs to you after the fact.

What are your favourite words that have no equivalent in another language?  Your favourite English words that perfectly encapsulate their definition?  Words you wish existed?

warning: this post contains a graphic description of an accident

There is a very thin line between what happened and what could have happened.

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On Saturday, we were driving up to Pennsylvania, and a motorcyclist pulled in front of us on I-95.  He was shirtless and helmet-less.  He was probably in his mid-70s.

Josh asked if I thought that this man considered himself hot; if he imagined himself to be an older Matthew McConaughey.  I shrugged and said, “I’m not getting a sense that vanity comes into play with this.  He just feels like being shirtless, so he goes shirtless.  I don’t think he gives a shit–I think he’s just doing what feels good.”

For some reason, this man was remarkable enough to come up later in conversation with my in-laws and we all mused about the shirtless man and what would drive a person to ride their motorcycle without any ounce of protection in sight.

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On Sunday morning, I swung by Two Buttons to get a bracelet for a friend, and while I was there, I looked for a necklace for myself.  I wanted something red–I imagined the perfect necklace would end slightly above the V of my shirt, and would be a series of red beads with a small, South Asian coin hanging from the center.  I couldn’t find what I wanted, but I threw a wrist mala into the purchase and a bangle for the ChickieNob.  As we were leaving the store, I saw the perfect necklace by the front door, and Josh and I decided that we’d return after our next stop to get the red beaded necklace.

After we visited his aunt, we missed the turn-off for the store, so instead, we ended up having lunch and saying goodbye to his parents, and then started back towards our house.  It was storming out, this strange rain which changed intensity every few seconds, so the windshield wipers were never right.

As we passed the store, we decided to go in and I tried on the necklace for Josh and the twins, who immediately announced it perfect.  We turned to pay and the Wolvog started whining about how he wanted to stay by the door.  I probably argued with him for ten seconds before giving up and moving over to the cash register.  We passed by the bracelet I bought for my friend, and impulsively, I grabbed one for myself.  Life, after all, is short.  And it should be filled with reasonably-priced, pretty things.

As the woman rung up the sale, I thought one of the tines on the bracelet looked broken and I paused for about 5 seconds to comment on it and looked at the display rack and then wave her on to finish the sale.  We exited out the store with my purchases and started driving again alongside the river.  The rain continued to fall.

I am usually fairly anxious when we’re in this area–it’s my location casualty–and my stomach had been in knots for the entire visit due to bad memories.  I slipped on the wrist mala, and I was fingering the beads while thinking about how horrific I always feel when we’re in this area, remembering how depressed I was during that first visit.  And that’s when it happened.

A deer ripped across a field, a blur of brown, and arced through the air in a flying leap, knocking directly into the motorcyclist traveling in front of us.  He was the last motorcyclist in a pack of 6 or 7 bikers.  His body and bike flew through the air, together for a moment, and then separating.  His body fell face down on the grass, his bike upside down about 2 meters away.  The deer landed and lay on her side for possibly a minute.  Josh swerved to the side of the road–there was miraculously a patch of grass where we could rest our car–and we both jumped out into the rain, racing past the deer and to the man who was not moving in the grass.

I called 911, and their first question was calmly inquiring my location.  I just stood in the rain, staring at Josh and the man in the grass, and screaming, “I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I’m not from here and we’re on this road and I don’t even know the nearby towns, what state I’m in.”  Josh read the signs and began to call back information and I relayed it to the dispatcher, and everyone on the line was calm, everyone was talking as if we were dry and well and inside a government building, just trying to get something taken care of.  Another man stopped and then another, and people called out their car window to me if we needed more help, if I was on with 911.  An ambulance was dispatched and I continued to stand in the rain.  The man in the grass became conscious and he tried to get up, the back of his shirt soaked in blood.  Josh stayed with the others who were trying to keep the man immobilized for the moment and I ran back to our car, where the twins were sitting silent in the backseat.

They had a few questions, and then they didn’t really speak for an hour.  The Wolvog was horrified that such a thing could even happen–he had seen the man’s body float into the air like tossed petals, and land on the embankment–and the ChickieNob seemed unsure of what she had seen.  Josh came into the car, drenched from the rain, and told me that while the man wasn’t speaking, he was responsive.  The impact had dislodged his dentures and blood was coming out of his mouth.  His back was probably where the deer’s body made contact.  He told me the man was probably in his late 70s; that his life had been saved by the helmet and the blind luck of landing on the grass; of the bike landing so far away from him.

The police asked us to stay and fill out a report since were the only ones who had actually seen the accident take place.  But at this point, the man’s motorcycle companions returned having realized that he was gone.  They went to wait out the storm under a nearby bridge.  They said they would return for his bike later on.  The police officer pulled up his car alongside our car and asked us to recount what had happened.  He wanted to know if the man had been driving well, if he had been speeding, if the man played any part in his own accident.

But the answer to all of those questions were no.

There was nothing this man could have done.  To give you a sense of how quickly this deer moved; the next man forward in their motorcycle pack, a man traveling only a motorcycle length or two before the other one, continued to ride away, oblivious that anything had happened.  The blur of brown was literally only visible to our car; the motorcyclist couldn’t respond because there was literally no time to respond.  He was riding slowly, carefully, in the rain.  And this still happened; even with doing everything right.

When the police released us, it was about a half hour or 45 minutes after the accident, and we continued to drive slowly towards home.  As we passed under the bridge, I looked at the man’s friends, and amongst them was the shirtless, helmet-less man from Saturday, shivering in the windy rain, his crazy, thin hair blowing behind him.

One second.

That was all that separated us from being the car tossed by the impact of the deer.  It could have been the red necklace or the extra bracelet or the whining of the Wolvog or thinking I saw a broken tine.  It could have been the pressure Josh’s foot delivered on the gas.  If our car had traveled one second ahead, I wouldn’t be telling you this story right now.  It is horrific to realize when you are so close to something horrible how thin a line divides what happened from what could have happened.

Seeing that man’s body tossed by the deer was one of the most disturbing things I’ve seen.  I have witnessed life threatening situations, but they were always couched within a moment of danger.  And this came when death was the furthest thing from your mind; when you are considering the lush greenery and the river and the wondering what you will have for dinner that night.  And then suddenly, with a blur of brown, life changes.  The scene changes.  It was so wholly wrong that it took several moments for my brain to catch up, even though my body reached for the phone and jumped out of the car as if on auto pilot.

I had to write this out of my brain.  I have been unable to get past the continuous loop of an image of the man sailing through the air.  The police officer told us the man would be okay, and I’m sure his body will be.  But I have no idea how you’re supposed to drive without continuously thinking of that thin line between what happened and what could have happened.

Welcome back to your Do-it-Yourself MFA program.

Let’s say that you didn’t get an agent, that you’ve been banging your head for a year or several years or several projects and you still don’t have an agent.  There are other paths to publication.

Self-publishing is open to everyone. You pay a fee, and they put your manuscript in book form. Prices range from a couple hundred to several thousand. Self-publishing utilizes a system called POD or Print-on-Demand and it’s similar to Cafepress. They do not waste materials until someone wants the book; meaning, the reason you can usually only get self-published books online rather than in a bookstore is that they don’t exist until someone makes a purchase and then they are printed within the day and mailed out.

The writer pays an upfront fee (Booksurge, Amazon’s program, asks for anywhere from $800–$6000 depending on what you need done–and I’m sure there are places that do it for much less, but you also sometimes have lower quality with the lower fee), and then receive back a portion of the book sale–sometimes up to 35%. So … just to explain the math to see if this option is right for you, if a book costs $15, you should receive back $5.25 per book sold. You’ll need to sell a little over 150 copies of the book to break even and after that, you’ll turn a profit. (That is, if you go the cheapest route on Booksurge.  You’ll need to sell well over 1,ooo books if you choose a more expensive option.)

Advantages are clear–it is entirely within your control. All you need to do is write the book.  And frankly, if you’re not up to enduring a lot of rejection (because even JK Rowling endured rejection), self-publishing is the way to go. It is a sure thing. You also have control from start to finish, deciding what goes in the book as well as the look. Though you have to front the money for the process, if you have a thousand dollars to invest, you can easily turn a profit if you have a decent platform. And for most writers, turning a profit is not the reason they wrote the book: it’s to get the information into the hands of people who need it or would enjoy it. Therefore, self-publishing is the perfect way to make sure that information or a story doesn’t linger unpublished on a Microsoft Word doc on your computer. It is the only way within your control to make sure that it gets sent out into the world.

One other advantage is that some PODs then get picked up by a publisher, though this is uncommon and not something that can be controlled. This scenario is the needle in the haystack and I can only think of one book like this off the top of my head, but the point is that self-publishing does not need to be the end-point.  It can also be the starting point to prove the book’s worth.

The disadvantages are clear too–since anyone can publish a POD, there is a big range of quality. POD-dy Mouth used to be the place to go to separate the wheat from the chaff, but with that site closing, it’s really up to you to exercise a buyer beware mentality as a reader. Every book you are purchasing from a publishing house (small or large) has been professionally edited as well as vetted if it is a work of non-fiction, with research notes examined and challenged.  Publishing a book is VERY different from writing a book, and self-published books miss out on the whole publishing process.

Having been a freelance editor–sometimes called a book doctor–(as most MFA grad students are at some point in their life) and having been on the receiving end of a publishing house edit, I can tell you that it’s two very different processes where one is receiving a collection of notes (book doctor) and one is participating in a collaborative process with (1) some control over using the notes removed but (2) a keen-eye focused on getting the right message across (a traditional editor at a publishing house). Removing the publisher from the publishing process can remove some credibility depending on the reader.  There is much, much more to publishing than slapping a cover on a book, arranging the pages, and getting it listed online, and self-published books miss out on some important steps in the collaborative book birthing process that come with traditional publishing.  Self-publishing should actually be called self-printing and not publishing.

The other disadvantage is marketing. You are entirely on your own for marketing with a POD unless, again, you pay for services. If you have a pretty strong platform or the book gets a cult following, this isn’t an issue. But it means that you keep having to take the initiative to get it out there and it can be exhausting (and avenues can quickly be exhausted). Most publishers expect authors to take a certain amount of initiative, so it isn’t as if this disadvantage is unique to PODs, but the difference is that (1) you will not get the foot traffic picking up your unknown book off the shelf at a bookstore because it’s usually only offered online and (2) some traditional reading sources and media outlets will be closed to PODs.

The last disadvantage is that as an author, you think like an author and you can’t see the big picture that someone on the other side of the business can see.  Traditional publishers have seen which covers work and which do not.  They know where to focus their energies on marketing a book.  You know your book best, but they know marketing best.  Self-publishing rejects the idea that professional out there might know a thing or two.  Sometimes, you’re right.  Unfortunately, sometimes you’re also wrong and if you’re wrong, you might be out a lot of money.

And really, at the heart of this, is a central idea that everyone needs to remember — book writing and book publishing are two very different things.  You may find that you love the idea of book writing, but hate the actual process of book publishing.  If that’s the case, self-publishing may be the best route for you.  But some people really want to experience both sides of the process — the writing of the book and then the publishing of the book — and may find that it’s better to leave a document on the computer or choose the route I’ll discuss below instead of self-print the book.

It’s sort of the difference between a veggie burger and a hamburger.  They look alike, but a veggie burger is not a hamburger.  And if you’re craving a hamburger, you’re probably not going to be fully satisfied with a veggie burger.  Though sometimes you just want food and if the veggie burger suffices, eat it.

So, to review about self-publishing–-it’s great if you want control of the process and you want it to just happen without having to jump through hoops. Yes, you need to front the money, but if you can sell between 150–1200 copies, you’ll recoup your investment. And if you have a strong platform, selling 150–1200 copies won’t be a problem. The information will be out there instead of sitting on your hard drive. And there’s always a chance it will hit cult-success or be picked up by a traditional publishing house. I am personally a fan of self-publishing because there’s a lot of good stuff that will never be considered by a publishing house because it doesn’t have marketing potential (remember, a publisher buying a manuscript is essentially making an investment and just as you wouldn’t buy stock in a company that looks like its going nowhere, publishers will not invest in books that they don’t think will make a profit. And publishers need to sell many more than 150 copies to turn a profit).

One thing happening right now is that self-publishing is trying to move away from its earlier title of “vanity press” by renaming itself independent publishing.  But something already exists called independent publishing and it’s the smaller presses (non-big six presses) we’re going to talk about below.  I know this can be confusing, but when I use “self-publishing,” I mean places you pay to print your book for you (such as BookSurge).  I use “independent press” and “small press” interchangeably to mean any publisher that is not a big six publisher, though I tried to stick to the term “small press” to make this clear.  Think of the distinction the same way you would (with similar advantages and disadvantages) between a large bookstore chain and an independent bookstore.  Both contain books, but the way they market books is different.  Big six publishers are the chain bookstores and small publishers are the independent bookstores.  Self-publishing is equivalent to the book peddler, with one person selling their one book.

Okay, so now that we’ve established that, the other option is self-representation.

Sort of like applying to college, self-representation is open for everyone to try, but you’ll have to be accepted. Though small press publishers prefer to work with agents, some will accept direct submissions. (Big six publishing houses will not accept submissions that do not come through an agent with few exceptions.) Most small press publishers work with a specific genre or within a specific swath of the population, but if you fit their profile, you may be able to send your work directly to the house and have it considered for publication. If you get accepted, it contains all the advantages with working with a publishing house–you get paid to write the book, you get a professional editor, and you get help in marketing the book. It will appear in bookstores and you will have readings and reviews (hopefully–but even that is not a given these days).

The advantage with self-representation is that you don’t need to first obtain an agent. You can present yourself however you wish, meaning, you can highlight what you think is important rather than having the agent decide what to highlight. In certain cases, you can represent yourself better than an agent, though with few exceptions, an agent always represents the book better (meaning, you know you, but your agent knows books). Personally, I’d trust the agent because you’re not selling yourself per se, you’re selling the book. But there are cases where this is important (for instance, if your book is about social media and you can’t find an agent who is Twitter-proficient and you know of a publisher who would be perfect for the book.)

The big advantage is that unlike self-publishing, you will never have to layout any money to be published–they will pay you. If a publisher asks you to pay for any part of the process beyond mailing your manuscript, you will know it is not a legitimate press. Publishers will not ask you to layout your money because by buying your manuscript, they are essentially making an investment.

Some people who self-represent to get the deal will turn around and get an agent once they have an offer on-hand. They will have the agent look over the contracts and help negotiate things. Personally, I see a lot of advantages and disadvantages to doing this: you get an agent, but you miss out on the reason for having an agent in the first place (more on that in a moment). But I do think it makes sense if you see yourself writing more books or negotiating more contracts (international rights, film, etc) later on.

The disadvantage to self-representation is that fewer and fewer small press publishers will accept unsolicited manuscripts (the term for a manuscript that you want them to read, but they did not ask to read nor did it come from an agent). So on one hand, it’s more immediate than getting an agent, but it’s also harder to have your manuscript read. And once you’ve taken this path, it’s hard (though not impossible) to get an agent to look at your manuscript because it has already been out there. So it’s a path I would only take if you’ve already exhausted searching for an agent or if you’re prepared to either self-represent yourself to the end of the road or self-publish.

The other big disadvantage is that you will always be negotiating (instead of having someone negotiate on your behalf) and you’ll have to be vigilant. I think only those who know what to expect and look for within publishing should take this route. The way it was explained to me in graduate school is the offer you will receive through an agent is so much greater (not just financially, but in retaining rights et al) than what you can receive for the most part on your own, that it’s worth the cut an agent will take from your contract because you’ll still come out ahead.

So, to sum up self-representation, if you’re pretty savvy, have connections in the publishing world, have access to free law advice, or want to try this before self-publishing, it’s a great route. If you are set on publishing with a publishing house, this isn’t a great starting point, but it can be a good finishing point before you throw in the towel.

Okay class, any questions on what was discussed here? Please leave them in the comment section below and I will answer them in the comment section below. Keep in mind that I have a lot of topics to cover so your question may be answered in a future installment (see below). So keep your questions about self-publishing and self-representation.

Heads Up and Looking Back: topics that will be covered in future installments or that were covered in past installments

1. Before You Even Get Started

2. Are You Ready to Be an Author?

3. How to Write a Non-Fiction Book Proposal

4. Why You Need an Agent

5. How to Get an Agent

6. Querying Agents

7. What Happens Next–Waiting for a Book Sale

8. THIS POST

9. What to Expect After You Sign a Book Deal

10. Be Your Own Publicist

11. A Mishmash of Leftover Questions and Answers

I was going to write an addendum to that last post and then … well … the day got away from me as it seems to have everyday for the last four weeks (and I massively apologize if you are waiting for an email back from me.  My goal is to be caught up reading blogs and answering emails by the end of the weekend, but who knows what will happen to my good plans.)

I promise: I am not closing down my blog; it was merely pointing out that many of us have that thought from time to time, and I loved Andrea Ross’s speech about how we really have no sense of our blog’s reach.  We have comment numbers and visitor numbers and even emails from a reader from time to time, but like icebergs, most of the real facts are submerged underwater.  That everyone goes through frustrating times (and I agree, Vee, I think it’s seasonal too) where they are speaking and getting no feedback.  And on the other hand, we all have times where we hit a post out of the park and it gets a lot of attention — and we have no. clue. how. to. repeat. it. again.

Thank you, also, for being with me during the move.  When we were driving to my parent’s house for the final time, I was thinking to myself, “I can’t do this.”  I really didn’t think I’d be able to walk out the front door; that I’d ever be ready.  And suddenly, a Toyota pulls in front of my car with the license plate — UCNDOIT.  And like a fucking idiot, I start trying to decipher it, and I’m saying to myself, “University of California … Nursing Department … Or … Internet Technology … no, that doesn’t seem right … University of …”

Seriously.

We drove behind the car for several miles and it felt like my own private message from G-d.  So I went into the house thinking to myself that I could do this, I could walk through one more time and then say goodbye.  Except it seems like I was right the first time (sorry, Toyota, for wasting your fine message.)  I cried walking through the rooms, and finally realized that I simply couldn’t take in the enormity of never seeing the kitchen again, never seeing my room again, never seeing the tiling in the front hall again.  And I accepted that I’d never be ready and just had to walk out the door.  So I gave my dad a hug and kiss, thanking him for being a wonderful father in this house, and I left Josh and my dad behind to close up our lives there while I took the twins to meet my mum in the new apartment.

By two streets away, we had all stopped crying.  And a few exits on the highway and we all commented that we felt fine.  And then we moved my parents into their temporary apartment while their new house is being finished.  I haven’t watched the video again since the move mid-week.  It still doesn’t seem real, and at the same time, it feels wholly okay.  So maybe I can do it.

And thank you for the good thoughts on the new book.  I am really excited about it and I love, love, love the cover.  When I get the final version, I’ll post it here and on the book site.

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The loudest vote for celebrating the 300th Friday Blog Roundup seemed to be for cake (or, if you don’t want to bake or purchase a cake, you could take a picture of a cake in a bakery and walk out without tasting a slice, or simply down a few oreos and snap a picture of your cookie orgy.  The point is more to celebrate the Roundup and our community and have a built-in excuse to eat sugar.)  Which is actually, if you can remember back to June 2007, how we celebrated my first blogoversary.  We will hold the videos for the 333, which will be next spring.

Though first, I must admit something highly amusing that just happened as I wrote this.  As I did the math and realized that 33 posts later would be nearly 3/4th of a year away, I started wondering how I was hitting 300 Roundups in 4 years.  That just wasn’t possible since I started doing this a few weeks after the blog started and with 52 weeks in a year, I should be nearing on the 200th post.

And so I am.

Back in January/February of last year, the numbering jumps from #173 one week to #274 the next week.  In other words, I added one more to the first number as I was adding one more to the last number and in the end, aged the Roundup 100 posts.  I am not going to renumber the posts because it would be a pain in the ass, so the Roundup will be forever mis-numbered.  But this will be actually the 200th post of the Roundup (though it will say 300).

Queue slightly hysterical, overtired laughter.

I’d like to practice today with this new linky tool that Calliope uses for Photo Fridays before the big day.  If you have a picture of yourself on your blog (or on your computer) and can help me test this out, please click below and add your headshot with a link to your blog so we can all see how this works and troubleshoot since the actual 300th (well … 200th) Roundup will be during BlogHer and I’m not sure how much I’ll be online.

It seems fairly simple.  You (1) click on the link below. (2) Add the url of your blog. (3) Add the name of your blog. (4) Either give the url of the picture as it appears on your blog, OR upload a new image to the Linky Tool that is from your computer (see, it doesn’t even need to go on your blog).  That’s it — it should appear below.  And this practice list should close on Sunday.  So we’ll see if that’s the case.

Thank you to the heads floating above this sentence for helping me test this.

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The Weekly What If: What if you could either be given a free netbook or iPad tomorrow — which would you take and why?

Can you tell that I’m still trying to make this decision?  I like to hear what other people think are the benefits and drawbacks of each one (as well as opinions if you have either and how you primarily use it) because it helps me consider things from entirely new angles.

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And now, the blogs…

Baby Wanted: Apply Within has a post about where they are now, and how she thought life would be back when they started trying to build their family.  It is a simple, straightforward post, but I found it incredibly moving: the thought of what you don’t know and simply can’t imagine when you start down this road.

Impersonating Normal (formerly, Infertility Rocks!) has a post about faking a birthday wish for the sake of others.  She contrasts this current birthday with the one she celebrated last year, back when she was starting her lupron shots and had no idea how the year would unfold.  Again, it is a reminder of what we can’t possibly know about our future and how that fact makes us look back on past events with wonder and sometimes bittersweet sadness with what that earlier version of ourselves doesn’t know.

Lastly, Nuts in May asks at the end of a post this week: “So really, are any fertile people reading this? Who have read this far? Have I really pissed people off now?”  The discussion in the comment section is equally as interesting as the post.  Go jump in with your thoughts.

The roundup to the Roundup: This has been a crazy week (I’m not sure I could say it more succinctly than that.)  Celebrate with cake in two weeks for the 200th/300th post of the Roundup AND please help me test this linky tool today.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.